Struggling with TTC and colleagues at work

[Nessie2395]

I've been trying to conceive for over a year, I have endometriosis and a very low AMH especially for my age (28). We're on the waiting list for fertility investigations but it's a year long.

I have two colleagues at work who are my age. Both have started TTC and are constantly talking about it. It's making me feel so sad and left out and I think I am so worried about how I will feel when they do become pregnant, which in all likelihood will be before me. One has even said she is confident she will be pregnant by Christmas (how she knows that I don't know...).

I don't know these two well enough to discuss our fertility struggles. I think I feel embarrassed. They asked me if when I was having children and I said vaguely I have some medical conditions that may complicate things but hopefully soon, thought that might hint that it's a delicate topic but it didn't work. We had work drinks (the whole team) last week and it was all they talked about there. I found it really hard.

Ultimately I think I am jealous of their excitement because I don't feel that anymore. I just have fear that I'll never be a mother. So I feel left out and it's harder still that they are my own age. They're really nice people too, I feel that this is my problem not their fault.

I know there is no solution to this feeling but just wanted to express it somewhere 😭

Gosh they sound very crass, it’s really not the sort of thing that should be discussed in the workplace, I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with that. Hopefully they’re not sharing details of their sex lives, if they are can you reply something like “ew Janet we don’t want to hear about your sex life thanks!”.

Very sorry you’re going through fertility struggles, if I can offer a glimmer of hope then at 28 time is on your side. Really sorry you’re going through this, it must be very tough 💐

I'm so sorry.
I get they're excited for themselves but c'mon, have some common decency.. Especially considering they should be able to gauge you're having some fertility issues.
So sorry you're going through this.

I can relate - I am someone who works in a massive workplace with hundreds of colleagues - there are always multiple pregnant women every single shift. It's hard.

I usually say to people when asked something along the lines of..oh maybe one day, guess I'll see what happens! I'm 31, so asked frequently. If they push it, I just tell them I've got fertility issues and it's actually a very hard topic for me. That usually makes them feel uncomfortable and shuts them up.

Oh I’m sorry OP, I think this is a situation that crops up so often and is why although I do appreciate people get excited when TTC and want to talk about it with others it is always better to channel that somewhere like here rather than with colleagues/friends.

A similar thing has happened at my work place, one woman started trying nearly 3 years ago now and was so excited it was all she spoke about, her ovulation test results, how many times they’d had sex so she was “sure” this was THE cycle, how excited she was to be pregnant, all the things she’s read about pregnancy and birth, her being so open about it encouraged another 2 women to join in with the chat within 6ish months and suddenly it was all they all spoke about in the office. I didn’t start TTC until awhile later and didn’t tell anybody at work because we actually hadn’t really told anyone we were trying, I didn’t want the pressure! I ended up falling pregnant quickly with my daughter and by the time I announced my pregnancy publicly 1 of the other women had fallen pregnant. Within a week of both of our pregnancies being known the woman who had started all of that chat off in the first place had sent a message out asking that nobody discuss trying/pregnancy in work as it was too upsetting for her as she was yet to conceive.

It’s a really hard situation because although I totally appreciate that ttc can be an exciting time and people will want to chat about that, there is definitely an appropriate place/time/audience.

Thank you I really appreciate the support! It is a bit crass, I've been wondering if I've been oversensitive but clearly it isn't particularly appropriate to discuss these things at work. You never know what people are going through. Thank you, I am still young and I'm so glad for that at least, it does make me feel better knowing that I've got lots of time to sort this out

Thank you, I appreciate it. I really did think that hinting at my struggles would help 😬

I'm sorry, that sounds difficult seeing people pregnant on every shift. I can't imagine! If one of them conceives I will feel the same.

I really wish people wouldn't ask. I may do as you suggest and say it's a hard topic - even if it makes them uncomfortable. Thank you x

Oh wow that's a tough situation. It's not just my workplace then clearly! I just couldn't imagine discussing things like this with work colleagues unless they were very good friends, even then I would do it outside of work.

Thanks for understanding x

It is!! It is a really hard one because I know firsthand that TTC when you desperately want a baby does completely take over your mind, it’s all you think about most of the day and it’s exciting/nerve wracking/interesting if you’ve recently started tracking etc so I do totally understand people want to discuss, chat, trade stories and recommendations etc and even just chat to feel less “alone”, I can understand that, hence why the conception board on here is so busy! But at least somewhere like this you can choose to engage or not engage, if you don’t want to hear or see that you simply stay away from those areas, that’s not possible in a workplace and it’s unfair to force that on someone x

Oh that would annoy me too. It took us 2.5 years to finally have a healthy pregnancy so I would have gone mad listening to my colleagues all that while. I think you should ask them to keep their TTC conversations private as it's not really an office conversation topic. Or tell them you find it triggering so they should keep it to themselves.