TTC as a 34 year old without a mum to talk to.

[marmiteontoastx]

Hi all. I appreciate there are probably 1001 posts that echo a similar thing on here but I come you all from a vulnerable place. I hope this is the right place to post this.

I'm 34 and my husband and I are TTC. We are on our third month I think - we're not trying to put pressure on ourselves or anything like that, but I've had this awful feeling for the past few years that I'm going into early menopause or something and it scares me that I'll never be able to get pregnant. I know we're early on- but I've been feeling like my periods are slowing down lately; they've been very very light and I just feel like I'm not going to be able to manage it.

So here I am sitting in the bath feeling sorry for myself and not having any female "adult" to go to in my life other than strangers on the internet.

I'm currently taking Proceive, and I've noticed since taking conception vitamins that before my period I've been getting a really light bright red when I wipe as my fist indication - this is weird because usually I'm all brown most of the time with maybe one day of red. This cycle is around 24 days as well which is odd because I'm usually bang on 27 to 30 days. Did anyone else experience any changes to their cycle when TTC?

I've had a bit of stress lately but I'm usually able to handle stress quite well these days but I suppose it could be affecting me physically. I've been to the doctors and they just act like I'm silly for worrying and outside of doing blood tests etc say I'm fine.

I worry because my grandma told me she went through the menopause in her thirties, my mum didn't, but I can't ask either of them about their experiences with anything because they're both not here anymore. I'm pretty sure my mum had me at age 36, so that gives me some hope, but I don't know - I just feel like nature is gonna stop me from being a mother. And I'm sad if that's the case because I already am a mother in my head I just don't have a baby yet.

So what do you reckon, mumsnet? Am I overreacting or should I be concerned about anything?

Thank you to anyone who replies.

I haven’t got time for a longer reply, sorry, but stop taking the multivitamins as I found they messed up my cycle (and others on here have from what I’ve read!). You only need folic acid and vitamin d. Try that instead. Three months off ttc isn’t long really though might feel it. No reason to think you can’t conceive from that. Good luck!

Hi lovely,

Sending lots of positive vibes to you. I know that some of the prenatal vitamins can affect women's cycles. Mine seems to have shortened since TTC aswell x

I think you should see if you can get some sort of fertility mot for reassurance as the stress of worrying is not going to help.

Oh really?! My regular multivitamins have folic acid and vitamin D in but I thought it wasn’t enough, this is really interesting. Thank you for your reply!

Took me five months to conceive at age 34. Just took folic acid, didn't track ovulation.
Sometimes we just put too much thought into these things.
I'm 52 now and definitely peri. Also can't ask my mum about menopause as she died when I was 26.
All the best.

Ah this is reassuring :) thank you! Maybe that’s it. I just worry because I’ve also had random hip pain, back ache and felt a bit bloated. I thought maybe this could be the month but I’m 99% sure it’s not now. Thank you for replying!

It’s difficult not to stress out op. You are not old but I totally get why you would be worried. Prob tmi but when you say “all brown “ as in the colour of blood? I’d go to gp and mention this and maybe get some tests re fertility. I’m really into natural methods so maybe look into those too. Definitely worth going to the the dr , just to put your mind at ease.

I was considering that but as the doctors have made me feel silly I didn’t really bother. Maybe I’ll try and talk to them again. Thank you!

Thank you for your reply <3 maybe I am stressing too much about it.

Yep, like sort of thickish brown (it’s gross, I know) but they’ve been like that for most of the time since I hit 30. I spot for a bit and then usually have about 2-3 days of period with only one proper day that’s mostly red and then it dwindles away. I’ve had various bloods done etc and other such tests but all that’s ever come back is thrush. Maybe I should go back and reiterate how much I worry about these things. Thank you!

Yeah just folic acid, vit D, and a good nutritious diet.
If you think it won't stress you out too much, you could try tracking bbt. Once you get the hang of it you will be able to confirm that you are definitely ovulating each month and you can probably also get a very rough idea of whether your hormones are doing what they're supposed to (such as progesterone being high enough in the luteal phase). Obviously if you haven't conceived within a year (under age 35) or six months (35+) then go to GP, but until then I do recommend bbt. If you are not ovulating you could go to GP armed with that useful information, and if you are ovulating then maybe you can relax a bit more?

I conceived earlier this year cycle 3 at 34. Unfortunately I had to terminate for medical reasons so now 35 on my second month of TTC. Try not to stress and I would say either change the vitamins or take them separately. I was taking pregnacare and I was unsure if they were extending things for me so now I am taking the tablets separately. This cycle is looking like it will be 3 days shorter now (35 instead of 38).

Thank you, this is really useful! I’m pretty sure I am ovulating, I get pain like clockwork around that time and get some discharge as well so i usually know when I am ovulating, unless it’s not actually that? It usually coincides with when my phone health app says my ovulation is due.

Oh bless you, I’m so sorry to hear this. I do hope you’re okay and you’re being kind to yourself <3 it’s reassuring hearing from people who are trying to conceive after 30. Which tablets do you take? I’ll definitely look into taking some different ones, my regular vitamins are the chewable multivitamins and I did check and those do have the correct amount of folic acid and vitamin D in there (and no vitamin A which I think we can’t take?) but I just presumed they wouldn’t be enough so went for Proceive.

I found what I actually found most reassuring was cold hard facts. I paid for a hertility blood test, which cost ~£150 but was so useful - it tests your hormones including your egg reserve. I’d recommend it to anyone. You either get the reassurance you’re after, or information that you can use to go to your GP for help. Knowledge is power!

Hi @marmiteontoastx I’m in a similar position, I’m 33 and TTC first cycle, my periods have also been getting increasingly light for the last year or so which worries me. I also don’t get cramps or sore breasts pre-period anymore.

I have heard that getting brown blood is worth investigating but not much more than that. I’m just on normal folic acid and vit D as also heard the regular conception vitamins can mess with cycles

Echoing another poster that the vitamins messed up my cycle! Just use vit D and folic acid.

the month I conceived I did track my temperature and it did mean I could pinpoint when ovulation was happening. But it’s easy to get obsessive so don’t rush to do that if you don’t want.

good luck!

There’s a bunch of tests the GP will run after 6 months of TTC if you’re over 35, or after a year if younger. Not sure how close to 35 you are.

One thing to get tested is thyroid as it’s quite common for it to go hypo around this age and that can mess with fertility (but is easily fixed with medication).

Second this. Hertility was great! I failed miserably on the finger prick and paid for the kindest nurse to come to my home and do it the normal way the following month. She even posted it for me.

I would stop the prenatal vitamins (just take folic acid and Vit D on their own), they messed up my cycles. You don't need them, it's much more important to have a varied, healthy diet with minimal processed foods, lots of fruit and veg etc. You don't even need those multivitamins. It's far more beneficial to get nutrients from food than artificial supplements. There is really no reason to worry after 3 months, up to a year is totally normal. if you're struggling with worry, I'd look at dealing with that, perhaps some counselling? having medical tests won't necessarily help anything.

I'm really sorry the process is causing you upset, it's such a difficult time for a lot of women, especially if you're worried or don't have someone to talk to. My mum is alive, but has severe mental health issues that developed around 8 years ago and therefore I can't talk to her about any of the usual stuff that I long to be able to talk to her about, so I understand in some sense.
I'd echo other posters who say to get a private fertility MOT done - clinics local to you will offer this, rather than looking to get tests done via your GP at this stage in TTC. If you get to 6+ months TTC over 35 then your GP will start some investigations but if it's stressing you out I'd highly recommend paying for some privately sooner xx

Sending you love, it must be hard without your mum and dropping the stress is not easy.

I recommend Lily Nichols and Lisa Hendrickson-Jack, either to listen to on podcasts, follow on Instagram, or buy their book. They talk about nutrition and its effect on the menstrual cycle - there's so much you can do with food and the right minerals and vitamins to regulate your cycle.