Is it unreasonable to postpone a wedding to keep TTC

[BexEll]

This cycle was my last cycle TTC before going back on contraception so due dates don't clash with our wedding in Aug 2025
We've been TTC for nearly 2 years, a miscarriage earlier in the year but apart from that not even a false alarm, cycles have run like clock work and 0 symptoms except for this cycle where I've had vivid dreams, sore gums, sore breasts, fatigue and spots which I had with my first 2 pregnancies for the last 2 days. Currently 11DPO (estimated as I can't work ovulation tests) and tested BFN this morning on first response, clear blue and one step.
I absolutely sobbed, the thought of all the heart ache these past 2 years trying is now just going to waste has absolutely devastated me and I genuinely feel I want to postpone the wedding until we've had a baby instead of giving up now and going back to using contraception.
Am I being dramatic?
We have 3 amazing daughters but we don't have a child together and I just feel like I'm giving up on something we've spent so long working so hard for and preparing ourselves for. The whole thing has been mentally and physically draining and I feel like it's not all just totally wasted

I’m having to pause TTC after this cycle in order to attend SIL’s wedding next summer so I have no solution for you, but a bit of solidarity and understanding of how hard it is

It's heartbreaking isn't it! Fingers crossed when we both resume we'll be successful early on and it will be worth it

Maybe a break would be a good thing for you. Take the pressure off for a bit, let yourself enjoy your wedding and try again after?

You might be right! It's definitely be stressful and at least I'll have wedding as a distraction. It's just feels like everything we've been through already will be a waste

How old are you OP? Personally I would carry on TTC and work around it! You ca get married with a bump / baby!

@BexEll I’m really sorry you’re going through all that, it sounds awful.

What's more important, your dream wedding or another child? Sounds like it's your dream wedding.

I wouldn't go back on contraception. Just crack on planning the wedding and put the stress of TTC behind you. You might get pregnant, you might not. But I least you don't be beating yourself up so much.

I'm 28 nearly 29 so I know I'm still young but my body does feel like a ticking clock. I don't mind being pregnant on my wedding day or having a bump in my dress but I don't want to be due on the wedding day or the month either side because my last 2 births where rough and I had long recoveries

I feel like both are so important to us both but i do feel like we've spent so much money on the wedding and got everyone's hopes up including my grandma.
I don't mind having a bump in my dress or being pregnant on my wedding day, I don't drink anyway so that wouldn't really matter. I just had quite rough labour with my first 2 and long recoveries so I wouldn't want to be recovering or due on my wedding day.
It feels like a much bigger thing than it probably is and must seem such a silly thing for me to even be considering as dilemma

If it's just being due on your wedding day you're worried about then just skip 1 or 2 cycles? No need to delay completely

You're still very young OP so time is definitely not ticking along (I didn't even have my first till 37!).

I personally wouldn't stop anything or cancel your wedding. I would stop thinking about TTC, stop tracking etc but still have unprotected sex whenever throughout the month. Then I'd start thinking about wedding planning..... conception often happens when people stop thinking about it and their mind is on something else.
The chance, after 2 years, of it happening so baby was due in those exact 3 months is slim but you can just cross that bridge when you come to iit.

Postponing a wedding for a potential pregnancy which could take another 2 years or more to happen plus the 9 months carrying etc is crazy. You can't put your whole life on hold.

I would personally just keep TTC or skip one cycle at most.

That said, I genuinely would try to worry less and enjoy planning your wedding. You have two children, and your partner has one, and you are a long way off age being a problem. In two years TTC you did get pregnant once, which is considered quite normal (although of course devastating to lose the pregnancy so I really do understand the desire to be pregnant again). But all that together, I just can't see any reason to think it won't happen for you.

If you end up due around the wedding it really wont be the end of the world. You'll also know months in advance if that's the case, and may well be able to bring things forward a little if needed.

Exactly, just wait a cycle or two until you’d be due at least a couple of months past the wedding. Or just wait and chill out. You’re so young. Sounds like you could do with a break from it all. Nothing is guaranteed ever, focus on your existing fsmily, enjoy the wedding planning, there’s a lot of people who don’t get any children.

Just have a few months break then.

Honestly, I think you should carry on TTC but do not reschedule/postpone the wedding.

Murphy's law may then apply to bless you with the pregnancy you so desire, timed at exactly the most inconvenient time and that is ok

Have a backup plan (possibly booking an ultra-simple registry office slot for a week later) to ensure that you do actually get married if you actually go into labour while walking down the ailse. Everything else can be adapted.

The party can go ahead whatever happens, but the party is not what getting married is about. Your marriage, the next 60-90 years, will be all the stronger if you understand this.

tbh the idea of postponing the wedding day due to ttc makes me wonder if you are mature enough for either, but with the benefit of the doubt perhaps it's just that you're a bit too immersed in the media narrative magazine picture aesthetic for both. That's not real life though.

Personally, I wouldn't. It took me ages to conceive my son and the wedding was less important to me than having a baby. We booked our wedding for June 23 and then suddenly I was pregnant, due June 23. We moved the wedding to the year after!
My thinking was that you never know if you're even going to conceive in that time.

I wouldn’t cancel it either. It’s your wedding. Maybe skip the month that would mean you’d be due that month, if you feel strongly about it, but you’d be unlucky to be due on your wedding day!

I think skipping a few cycles , then starting again probably makes most sense. Have you been to see a doctor about your fertility? Two years trying would definitely qualify you for NHS help and testing, and you could start the ball rolling on that and get onto waiting lists while you have a break for a few cycles if you aren’t already on the lists.

No need to do anything about your wedding unless you actually fall pregnant. So the question is only whether or not to TTC in the next couple of months. What this comes down to is if you were to fall pregnant and be due on/around your planned wedding date, would you:

• Be thrilled you were pregnant, even with the hassle of rearranging the wedding

• Be really stressed and upset, and wish you hadn't fallen pregnant until after the wedding window

That's you're decision right there. If it's the former, TTC away. If the latter, 2 or 3 months feels massive now but it actually isn't long in the scheme of things. Then this whole issue is behind you. Cancelling your wedding when you are not pregnant literally doesn't solve anything, it keeps this issue in front of you (not knowing when to plan the wedding) and doesn't make sense. Good luck xxx

I speak from experience btw as when planning one of our children I sort of assumed that conception wouldn't happen straight away, and built in a few months of TTC ahead of when we actually wanted to conceive - and then fell pregnant literally in the first month, maybe 3-6 months sooner than I really wanted to. Which was stupid (whilst I fully count my fertility blessings). TTC is literally a month by month thing and if you are trying in a month, yes you can become pregnant in that month. (Obviously!). So each month the question should be "Do I want to conceive THIS month" and if the answer is no, do not TTC.

I then had some mixed feelings and anxiety around the pregnancy, and it was much more inconvenient and costly than it needed to be... whereas if I'd simply waited to TTC until I actually wanted to be pregnant... But wanting / planning a pregnancy does sometimes make us go a bit mad doesn't it.

Thankyou for your advice I appreciate it!
I think you're right, I'm definitely over thinking the whole thing and just need to chill out

I don't think maturity is a problem. I have 3 daughter already 10,8 & 7 and I feel so lucky to have them, we have a beautiful home and are mortgage free and I have a great work life balance and I'm self employed so I can fit it around everything needed. I think because the miscarriage felt so raw I got in my head about cycles and timings and ruining things for other people and the only thing that feels missing in my life is a baby of our own which I truly pined for since the miscarriage.
I never expected TTC to be such an emotionally straining journey as I'm sure most people here can completely relate to. I had one ovary removed in 2019 and I have PCOS and a liver condition.
I think talking it out and reading everyone's opinions has made me realize I'm just getting in a stress about nothing and need to relax and it will happen when god wills it.
Thankyou for taking the time to give your opinion and insight, sometimes talking things out with people who have no emotional attachment to your journey make you see things in a different light

Yeah I think that's the best plan!
I have seen a doctor, I have PCOS and had my left ovary removed in 2019 as well as a liver condition but I've got great medical support that helped me get everything managed and although it's making things more difficult I'm confident we'll get there eventually

Thankyou for your advice I appreciate it!
I think it's the feeling of every cycle I feel like my body has let us down and I don't want to let anyone else down by effecting the wedding if that makes sense?
I think the best thing to do is have a chat with my partner and see what we priorities and go from there