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Conception

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TTC disappointment

6 replies

polka72 · 03/09/2024 22:10

Hi all- thought to post on here as don't have anyone in real life I could talk to about this. Been with DH a long time and been TTC for a good while. Never been pregnant. (Saw GP forever ago and waiting to be seen by specialists).

Point of this thread is- how to cope with the depression/disappointment of it all. Currently feels like everyone around me is getting pregnant, posting pregnancy pics, recently delivered etc. Even those who I thought were in a similar boat as me are clearly pregnant and far enough along now to share the news widely etc.

Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
TeaButInAPot · 03/09/2024 22:21

I'm sorry :( it's a really rough journey (which nobody made clear in high school, when we were all led to believe we would get pregnant just looking at a boy....).

It took us a long time to conceive too, and we'd also started down the nhs treatment route. The thing, which often didn't really help, but sometimes lessened the blow, was that I wrote a list of "treats" for myself, and each time my period came I got to have the next treat on the list. Nothing massive, but things that were enough out of the ordinary that I didn't usually do them. Such as dinner at a really nice restaurant, buying myself a stack of good magazines and a bar of chocolate and hunkering down for a couple of evenings, weekend day trip to a nearby beautiful town for sightseeing and window shopping....

Granted these things weren't really a substitute at all for what I actually wanted, but in some way it helped me when I was really low to be able to think "well, I'm not pregnant, but if I was then I wouldn't be eating at this restaurant tonight, so that's a small comfort".

Obviously I could have been both pregnant AND eating at the fancy restaurant, but psychologically, telling myself that this was JUST because I wasn't pregnant gave me a little tiny positive in all the misery.

Keep going. It is really really tough, but try to keep your spirits up. Wishing you all the best :)

Anon263119 · 04/09/2024 08:09

@TeaButInAPot that’s lovely advice thank you.
@polka72 I am in the same boat as you and struggling so don’t have a tonne of advice but know youre not alone. I do find talking about it helps if there is anyone you can open up to for a good cry. Remind yourself every day you’re so strong and resilient to be going through this rollercoaster and you will be the best parent for it one day.

Harriet1989 · 04/09/2024 20:59

I love this @TeaButInAPot ! I'm going to try this, I'd been having wine each time I got my period but yours is even better!

@polka72 as my counsellor told me when I was going through a divorce.. it feels shit because it is. Your feelings are totally valid. I totally understand where you're coming from. It took me over a year to concieve my daughter and now been TTC for 9 months and had a miscarriage which leads to being told "well at least you know you can get pregnant" :(

I think it feels so lonely because we don't really talk about it. I've told hardly anyone IRL and only told a few people about my miscarriage. It is way more common than we think and I'm sorry you're in a rubbish club but you're definitely not alone

VioIetMoon · 05/09/2024 14:47

Don't give up. That's the only advice I can offer you.
Took us 18 years to have our little boy , he's 2 months so I totally understand the frustration and depression surrounding ttc

polka72 · 05/09/2024 19:49

Thanks all.

Today I congratulated a colleague who's been on a similar journey (possibly worse, with a traumatic miscarriage) and is now pregnant again, quite far along too as didn't want to share until she was visibly obviously pregnant.

I am happy for her, truly, but I am also hugely jealous.

OP posts:
GlobetrottingPercy · 05/09/2024 20:00

I’ll never forgetting crying off camera during a group zoom call after friends did their pregnancy announcement whilst DH carried on speaking to everyone. I know exactly how you feel. I was very lucky and it happened for me the month before my fertility tests but it was awful seeing the negative result on the stick each month. It also put such a strain on our marriage having to schedule sex around my fertile days and it made it so clinical and stressful, neither of us were enjoying it.

To answer your question, have a cry, pick yourself up and reset for the next month. Never forget that you aren’t alone, no matter what it might seem like and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I made sure to do something special for myself each month after my period arrived, whether it was go out for a meal, buy myself a new book or eat a sharing sized bar of wholenut (although they are hardly sharing size any more!). The best advice I can give is not to lose yourself in all of this and make sure to do the things that bring you joy. Good luck, it may take time but you aren’t alone.

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