Would you TTC for a third at 40?

[EsmeSusanOgg]

DC1 now 6. Gallbladder issues postpartum that took ages to sort due to COVID surgery cancellations.

Job change during COVID years.

A MC at 12 weeks, then a few months later a chemical.

DC2 now 1.

Generally ok health (need to lose some weight) but recently turned 40. Would looking to TTC next year be a waste of time/ recipe for heartbreak?

Tentative bump?

No one can answer that question for you. Personally, I'm happy with two as we can now get on with our lives and have adventures together rather than going back to the baby stage (which I personally dislike).
But you might feel differently.

That’s up to you

im your age. In an ideal world if I was 5 years younger and with more money I would try for a 3rd. But my body is still just recovering from my 1 year old DC2. And I now want to expend my energy on giving them the best lives possible and making memories

It’s so hard to know. I started ttc a third when I was 40, after easily conceiving the first 2, and 2 years later nothing, never a sniff of pregnancy during that time. About ready to give up now, will give it a last month or two. It’s hard as it’s been our plan for so long but now I can’t help thinking of all the downsides of pregnancy at this age. But I wouldn’t say it’s been terrible heartache for me, more the uncertainty in our life situation the hardest bit, feeling in limbo to see if it happens or not. We have two beautiful children and a nice life so for me it’s not heartbreak like it would be if this infertility came earlier, if that makes sense. Plenty women conceive at 40, plenty don’t. If you want to why not give it a shot.

Hi there!
It's so personal :)
The questions you should be asking yourself are

• Am I prepared for a situation where I don't manage to get pregnant?
• if it's difficult, how far do I feel I can go in the fertility process?
• Given that the later you conceive, the more you expose the foetus to a genetic anomaly, how would I take the news if the foetus carried trisomy 21 (that's an example)?
• If I manage to have a pregnancy, am I prepared to be 50 when my child has 10, then 60 when it has 20, then 70 when it has 30, etc.?
• What is my partner's point of view (if there is one)?
• why do I want another child now?

I wish you all the best!
There are no right answers
Some women take the plunge and everything goes really well

all of what @OliviaO says as well as:

• do i want an age gap of 7-8 years between my eldest and youngest (myself and my brother are similar to you DC1 and DC2 and we were never close as kids and once you've got teens and tweens keeping both parties happy on holidays etc can be difficult)
• can you afford it.....childcare, hobbies, holidays (most hotels are geared to 2A & 2C max), cars (not that easy to find one that takes 3 car seats), supporting them through university and potentially beyond if the housing market continues the way it is.....
• potential impact on retirement age / paying off the mortgage type life decisions that will start to hit you in your 50's and early 60's

Hi OP, you will have to trust your own gut on this one as we are all completely different...... from a mental and physical point of view but also where we are at in our lives at different times and the dynamics of our families.

I am 41 and 9 weeks pregnant with my second. My oldest is now 4. This pregnancy came totally out of the blue and we've done a lot of soul searching this psst month but we are happy, excited and praying it sticks and our baby is healthy!

I have school friends who are now grandparents at my age and will probably think i'm crazy but there's no way I would have wanted kids in my late teens and 20's. I was too busy traveling the world and having adventures.

Having a family later on works so much better for me and I don't regret a thing (but I do appreciate not everyone feels the same way).

I try to keep myself fit and healthy as I'm well aware I'll be 60 when they're 18 etc and want to be around as long as possible but I also have personal experience of mums who tragically passed away in their 30's and 40's leaving behind young kids. It can happen at any age unfortunately. Someone in their 60's can be fitter and healthier than others in their 40's.

With my own siblings there are 4 of us with 10 years between oldest and youngest, we are extremely close so that wouldn't even cross my mind.

Ultimately, a bunch of strangers on an online forum aren't going to be able to answer the question for you. Only you can do that.

Thanks everyone, some great perspectives!