Heartbroken and don’t know how to pick myself up

[Joleyjojo]

I had a CP and became pregnant cycle straight after

I had a private scan who told me the baby didn’t have a heartbeat and was referred to hospital for miscarriage management.

hospital found baby and heartbeat and was 6+1. They had me back exactly 1 week later and the baby had grown to 7+1.

I had another scan today at 9+2 and baby has no heartbeat and measured at 9 weeks.

due to being 9 weeks I have to stay in hospital for management and can’t have D&C until 2nd September. I am heartbroken, I still have really horrific sickness, boobs hurting no pain no bleeding but my baby has died. I have to carry my baby and feeling awful for another week. How do people mentally do this because I am finding it torture. I am 40 in February and feel like it’s over for me.

xx

I didn't want to read and run. I am so so sorry OP, sending you lots of strength to get through the next few weeks.
Do you have a good support network around you?

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Is there a medical reason you have to wait a week? What an awful situation to be in. I just wanted to offer hope that you are not too old to have a successful pregnancy so please don't feel that the situation you are in now means there is no hope. It took me 12 cycles to conceive and I really was thinking of giving up, but that conception resulted in a healthy pregnancy and baby born just before my 41st birthday. Take care x

So sorry to read your news. I sadly experienced the same last month. I had to wait a week as they needed a second scan to confirm the miscarriage. I think of you measure under a certain amount they need to wait to check.

I felt like my body had betrayed me. Still felt pregnant, like you. Felt sick and lacked energy for a few weeks. As soon as I had the medical management those feelings subsided. It helped me mentally get past it when the physical symptoms stopped.

Sadly I’ve had two mmc now. With the first it took weeks, maybe even a few months, for me to get over the sadness and to want to try again. In between we have had a baby girl. With the second one, I had to get up and deal with life because of her. So think I dealt with the grief more quickly. But it still hurts and I feel ‘what if moments all the time.

This isn’t the end of the road for you, please have faith.

Thank you for all your kind words.

unfortunately due to being over 9 weeks I would have to stay in hospital for medical management. I didn’t want to go through the pain of waiting. The earliest they can get me in for D&C is 3rd September.

I am having stomach pain now, not sure if it’s psychological or if my body is starting to MC naturally.

I am struggling feeling pregnant knowing I’m not. I am just extremely sad and don’t know when I will feel better. I can’t seem to shake this feeling. I feel like I will feel like this forever. It’s like I’m in a black hole without an exit. I know compared to other peoples losses mine may seem insignificant but it was still my baby and they were loved so much already xx

Hi OP, I also had to have d&c in July, luckily I had my second scan on Friday and was booked for surgery on Monday so didn’t have to wait long. It is torture my HCG was over 122000! So it took weeks for for it to come down (6.5 to be exact) I wasn’t pregnant but still suffered from the symptoms, felt like a cruel joke. Sad for what could’ve been but trying to be hopeful. Hope your surgery goes well, don’t give up and I hope you get your rainbow baby x

Im so sorry you're going through this. It is like torture but you do get through it.

In all honestly I'm not even sure how, but there's thousands of us with you who've done it already and thousands more who'll be a little bit behind you. We're all walking the same path together even though it can feel really bloody lonely. You just get through the next hour and the next day and you just keep going. It sucks and you'll be changed once you get through it. But you will get there.

You will get through it. I know it’s hard. Just take each day at a time. Know there are people to talk to- on here or in real life. I promise you it does get easier, you will always remember, but it will get better. Thinking of you. And here if you want to talk. Sending hugs.

Hi OP, just want to say I know how this feels and I am so so so sorry for you. I too had a missed miscarriage. I went for an MVA at 9 weeks and I would really try ask for this option if I was you. There is risk that the medical management won't work and they will have to do an MVA anyway. Where as hard as it is waiting till 3rd September this would be over and done with that day and they check after to make sure they have got everything.
So so so sorry again, I feel so crushed for you xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss