Feel so so so defeated and sad

[Sunshine1204]

Hi ladies,
I needed to rant 😔 I had a missed miscarriage in April at 9 weeks, less than 3 days before my wedding and had an MVA. Really has affected me as I still don't want to look at wedding photos or videos as I just feel like I lied the whole day as no one knew.
Took 7 weeks for my period to come and then since then had a 6 week cycle and ovualted 4 weeks ago so looks like another 6 weeks cycle.
I just tested at 12dpo and negative and I just burst into tears and I feel so incredibly low. I want nothing more to be pregnant again and for my cycles to return to their normal 30 days.
I feel like I am living each day so so so slowly. I really thought this cycle I might have been pregnant and now its all crashed now on me again.

Hello,
There is no comparison in suffering and no hierarchy.
It took us 8 months to get pregnant with our son, I delivered stillborn at 22 weeks recently. Since then, we've been trying to get pregnant again, but so far without success. Mourning the loss of a pregnancy and a child is extremely difficult, but you're not alone and you're not the only one. Which healthcare professional could help you deal with the psychological aspect? Take heart

@StressStress firstly thank you so much for replying. I am so so so incredibly sorry to hear your story, I cannot imagine your pain.
I've been doing regular accupunture which has helped my outlook but I just want my cycles back to normal. I want some sense of normality.
Again, so sorry and I'm sending alot of love your way. Xxx

@Sunshine1204 I'm so sorry for your loss. I know those feelings oh so well. The first few cycles after miscarriage for me are awful. It feels like my hormones swings are huge, so much bigger than normal, and that definitely doesn't help. It's also a horrible reminder of what we've lost. It's so hard to not put pressure on ourselves to get pregnant again quickly - it's all I want right now too.

I’m sorry @Sunshine1204 it’s the hardest thing to go through.
My cycles are also messed up from MC. I did get pregnant after my first MC on a 6 week cycle, unfortunately that ended in a loss too. But I know how hard it is waiting for your cycles to become normal, and longing desperately to be pregnant again.
I did a test this morning as it’s 5 weeks since last period & it was a BFN. Took myself out & bought a coffee to try escape the sad thoughts. Sending you a hug x

I don't have any experience of trying to get pregnant after a loss, though I have had losses myself in the past. So sorry you're hurting so much. I know it feels impossible but try to keep positive and not let it spiral you too far down. Really hope you get your wish soon🤞💐

Oh ladies 😪 these lovely messages just made me cry.
If you wouldn't mind sharing - when did your cycles return to pre MC length? I really dont know if I need to be making a doc app, I keep thinking what if my hormones are totally messed now.
@moosey89 this is exactly like me, hormone swings are insane. I feel so awful for my husband... today I've just sulked and cried. I think we both would feel better mentally if we knew we had a shot every month as opposed to this 6 week routine.
@Figtree11 I am so sorry to hear of your losses 😔, i think taking yourself out for a coffee is a good idea. I may order a takeaway or go buy myself some ice cream to enjoy guilt free.
@Devilsmommy thank you so much and I am so sorry to hear of your losses

I have found being able to look on mumsnet so comforting almost as I have no friends who have had a MC and it's so isolating. My friends who have had babies so far have had a relativly easy journey. Being able to see other ladies experiences makes me calm down alot.

@Sunshine1204 it was a couple of cycles each time (I've had 3 losses, and had surgical management for all of them). I really hope your cycle settles back to normal soon. For me the one that went back quickest was when I had acupuncture weekly after the loss. Unfortunately couldn't afford it this time!

I'm in the same boat as you in that I don't know anyone else in my situation. It makes it so hard to really communicate with anyone around it. People mean well but often say such unhelpful things. Sending you big hugs. Can you do anything to feel good? Something that usually makes you happy? I have found a distraction to be really useful on the down days x

@Sunshine1204 my cycles haven’t yet returned to normal, but even after my first MC my cycle wasn’t normal but I still got pregnant. So there is hope there that you can get pregnant without regular cycles. I try DTD every 2-3 days to makes sure I don’t miss ovulation as I don’t know when it will happen.
I like to think that one day this will all be in the past & hold onto hope we’ll get our babies ❤️

I'm so sorry for your loss and for going through such a heartache on your Wedding Day. I suffered an ectopic last month and had surgery to remove my right tube after rupture. Came on my period 2 weeks ago and it was a horrible trigger, my cycle has been all over the place which im told is to be expected but doesnt make it easier. In a similar situation where no friends have experienced loss and many have had straightforward pregnancies. The heartache and loneliness is so tough and I just want to feel "normal" again with acceptance that this is part of my journey. One thing I am holding onto is that it can't rain forever❤️ Hugs to you xx

So sorry to hear you’re feeling so down @Sunshine1204. Nothing can prepare you for it can it.

I wish I could say something more to help but we’re all thinking of you. Coincidentally, I also had an MVA 3 days before my wedding in May earlier this year. I still look back at that day and think how was I even there and how did I get through it so soon after!

Sending hugs x

I'm so sorry that happened, and it had a negative effect on your wedding day. It took us longer to conceive after a miscarriage, my periods were much heavier. Have you considered seeing a counsellor? I know Petals offer this in some NHS trusts: Petals, The baby loss counselling charity - Petals Charity
I had some private counselling after MC, and it was such a big help to me. It really prepared me to TTC again and cope with another pregnancy, I still found pregnancy very worrying but less so after the counselling.

@Sunshine1204 so sorry for your loss, that sounds like a very traumatic experience especially being so close to your wedding day.

I too had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks and had an MVA. My period returned after five weeks and has been pretty normal ever since (my missed miscarriage was over a year ago now). Although every so often I will have a shorter or longer period. I’ve read a lot of threads about periods after MVA and it seems to differ massively so please don’t worry, although I know it’s difficult not to compare.

I really struggled to come to terms with the loss and had therapy for PTSD, which I would definitely recommend ❤️ It helped me to process the trauma and although I’ll always be sad about it it’s not as raw as it once was.

Wow thank you all so much for sharing your stories and I am so so so sorry to hear.

@pinkrose001 I'm so sorry, and yes that is exactly the feeling... to feel normal again and not be worrying so much if my body is OK etc. I really loved that you said it can't rain forever... because that's true ❤️ thank you
@Bellebg wow we went through the same thing, I'm so sorry. Thank you for telling my your story. I really did truly love the wedding day and the adrenaline got me through. Women are honestly amazing 👏. Have your cycles returned to normal?
@Peonies12 @Haylsttc thank you, I've been having accupunture which has helped lift my mood and give me a postive focus but I think after how I have been feeling today I am not toying with the idea of going to see someone. I know when I am lucky enough to be pregnant again I will be anxious and I want tk enjoy it and not let this experience ruin future pregnancies. I have def had health anexity in the past and I think this feeds into that tbh.

This evening I am going to watch my comfort show and come up with a postive plan/ focus.

Xxx

@Sunshine1204 literally the same thing. So wild! They really are 🙌🏼 I’m so sorry you went through that, but it’s nice knowing you’re not the only one. I genuinely couldn’t believe the timing but also had the perfect day 🤍

It took 9 weeks for my cycle to start again and I definitely ovulated later than before my mmc. I’ve been hesitant to share this on any threads relating to loss as I know it can affect people so differently and it might be the last thing you want to hear, but I’m now 6 weeks pregnant 😬 Have an early scan next week and so so anxious. Finding it hard not to think I have some problem and will have another mmc! Our lives sound similar I also have health anxiety 😂

Hopefully that gives you some hope too x

@Bellebg please do not be hesitant to say that! That's amazing! Huge congratulations and really does give me hope. You would be due round your anniversary im guessing? I was really hoping I would fall pregnant this cycle so that could line up near mine too 😄. I will have everything crossed for you that all is well and I can so so so sympathesie with how anxious you must be feeling. I just know when I am at that stage again I will be a nightmare for my husband. Huge congrats again, really made me smile!
Sending all the love and postivty your way xx

Thank you for the loveliest message @Sunshine1204 🥹 appreciate it so much! Hopefully we’ll be speaking about when you fall pregnant soon. Will be keeping everything crossed for you and here to talk about all the anxiety when you do! In the meantime, hope you are doing ok and have some brighter days coming xx