Frustrated and increasingly anxious with TTC

[ProfWorry]

As the name suggests, I am a professional worrier at the best of times, but have properly spiralled over TTC this month. Looking for solidarity/reassurance/suggestions.

We're on month 7 of TTC for the first time, although I suspect there have been a couple of months of mistimed sex/not enough sex. No hormonal contraception prior to this. I'm 32, have a period every month (25-28 day cycles with the odd outlier once a year or so) and I'm a healthy weight. I have however had mild acne and some dark hair on my upper lip/lower abdomen for most of my adult life though so always had some low level concerns about hormonal imbalances. No tests as it didn't massively concern me before.

I told myself I'd try to be laid back about TTC for 6 months and then, if nothing happened, do more. This month I've tried OKPs and haven't got on well. On CD17 and haven't detected LH surge. Definitely didn't use them perfectly. Have had a few days of EWCM, including today, so could be late (work is wanting to cry at my desk level stressful and I've started taking Proceive which I've read anecdotally can have some effect on cycle length, so it wouldn't be impossible). The other possibility, which my head has decided to settle on, is that I have as yet undiagnosed PCOS and never actually ovulate.

Any tips for using OKPs when it's impossible to test at the same time of day every day? Would my GP think I'm crazy if I asked for some blood tests at this point? I know they don't normally investigate fertility until a year of TTC and have also been considering going to a private clinic for initial tests.

Also, in your experience, does stress actually make it harder to conceive? Part of me thinks I should give it another few months and focus on reducing stress in other areas of my life before I add fertility investigations into the mix.

I hate how quickly the excitement at the thought of starting a family has turned into this.

Anyone in a similar situation?

You may need to check your area’s NHS policy on bloods - they usually come under fertility treatment even if it’s just investigatory bloods but I think they did it after 6 months in some cases due to age etc. In my area we had to wait one year of TTC before GP would consider doing bloods. I paid for a private internal scan to check for PCOS.

Took us 5 years TTC and I think I had started to accept it wouldn’t happen but then it did so perhaps there is something in just relaxing about it but I know how annoying it is when people say that, sorry! It’s just my experience though - hopefully it helps. Not everyone takes as long to conceive so don’t let my story panic you!

50% of fertility issues are due to the male factor so it might not be you if there is an issue. You can do a fertility test with Hertility to give yourself peace of mind. I would also recommend tracking temps. I use the AVA bracelet which is horribly expensive but worth it for me for making temp tracking so easy and giving that peace of mind.

PCOS is a health issue beyond fertility. I think it's reasonable to request hormone and cholesterol blood tests now. Shouldn't be any wait. If you do have this there are relatively easy ovulation fixes.

I don't think doing LH tests at the same time each day is particularly important btw. Clearblue are done first thing but I've done others any time (afternoon usually recommended). If you have EWCM the surge is likely pending so keep testing.

I never did my LH tests at same time every day! Don’t wait for the peak though, start regular sex once the tests start to get darker (easy@ home are good). You could ask GP but will depend on their policy locally. Honestly if you’re finding it stressful, I personally can’t see how getting into testing at this early stage will help, Much better to see how you can reduce stress in your life - what about counselling or acupuncture? Counselling helped me so much after having a miscarriage.

I used the Flo app, worked for me for both my pregnancies, it was bang on the mark.
Yes stress can have a negative impact on TTC.

I really recommend hertility health

Used them twice

Best money i spent

( I have pcos)

With pcos flo app often is not reliable

Do ask your gp to refer you to gynae re pcos

From what you describe, PCOS isn’t an obvious conclusion in my mind.

Not detecting a surge with the OPK, especially if you’re still getting into using them isn’t a guarantee that you have not ovulated. And even if you don’t ovulate this month, doesn’t mean you aren’t ovulating regularly (‘healthy’ women also skip ovulation from time to time!).

From what I’ve heard, stress can be a significant factor so focusing on creating more balance in other areas of your life sounds very sensible! I know it’s totally not what you want to hear but 6 months is still very much within normal range and doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen by any stretch of the imagination.

The mind is a lonely and stressful place in the journey of TCC - have you been able to talk to your partner about these worries?

Forgot to add to this that we are also coming up for 9 cycles (first 5 just seeing how it went before getting more serious!). I have friends who have been in similar situations and said OPK was great as they were ovulating at very different times than they thought and managed in a few cycles once they got into it!

Re the GP for bloods - that would b depend on your age; if you're younger than 35, they want you to have tried for 1 year, but if 35 or over, you can go after 6 months of trying.

You might be onto something re PCOS; I've always had regular periods, testosterone was fine, but I do have a few unwanted hairs on abdomen - but I have cysts on my ovaries so officially have it diagnosed.

As hard as it is not getting caught up in the anxiety of it not happening, I've been there/ am there again! It is still early days. But - it can't help to start the ball rolling re referral as the whole process takes soooo long - and that adds additional stress!

Glad to hear you were eventually successful. It seems so unpredictable for some couples and gives me hope that not falling pregnant immediately doesn't mean it will never happen.

Thanks, temp tracking and testing like Hertility sound like good middle ground options to doing nothing and racing straight to the doctor.

Before this month's spiralling on my part, the plan was for us both to have tests if/when we reached a year.

Yes, it would definitely be a case of going to my GP about whether I could have pcos or another more general issue, rather than that it's taking a bit longer than expected to get pregnant.

Thanks, I'd been thinking not following the instructions to the letter was causing an issue with the LH tests but I'll persist for a couple more days, and next month.

Tbh, counselling is probably a very sensible idea.
Sorry about your loss.

Thanks. Trying to de-stress generally definitely can't hurt.

Thanks. I'll definitely be looking into Hertility.

It's good to hear someone say that 6 months isn't that long. I know it deep down but just seem to be surrounded by people who only have experience of falling pregnant as soon as they look at their partner.

My partner is great to talk to about how I feel. Partly giving him a break from it tonight!

Good luck!

I definitely think my GP would only do tests for a potential general health issue rather than a fertility issue at this stage as I'm under 35.

Hope things go well for you. The anxiety over not knowing if/when it might happen is a lot.

Stress doesn't help but it isn't a cause of infertility - it's a good idea to get a handle on it as TTC (as you've discovered) only adds to stress and can leave you feeling overwhelmed. If you're under 30 the GP won't investigate until after a year of trying - most couples do get pregnant within that time frame and it's considered totally normal to take that long, which doesn't mean it's easy but it isn't necessarily something to worry about. My 3 pregnancies took 2.5 years, 6 months and 9 months to conceive, using opks for most of those months.

That's super good! As others say, nobody tells you how hard 'being normal' is, but it IS still normal at this point 😊. Hoping you get to destress and have a fun month trying this month!