I know it's not something anyone can answer because nobody can see into the future. I rarely get pregnant, if ever, because of male factor, my DH has about a 10th of the amount of sperm he's supposed to have. We are both now on Impryl, which is a (bloody expensive) fertility supplement. I just feel so hopeless right now. It's been 2.5 years of trying to conceive, with a combination of natural attempts and IVF privately funded. I'm lucky and grateful to have been able to have IVF privately as I'm aware not many people can afford it.
Two years ago we had 5 embryos and had one put back in March 2023, which ended in a simple miscarriage. Then we had another put back in June/July 2023, which ended in a negative pregnancy test, so we assume no implantation took place. Then we had two put back in October 2023, that ended in another miscarriage but not so simple as was diagnosed as missed at a 7 week scan, because the embryo had gone and there was just an empty sac that was measuring about 5w3d.
I knew something was wrong about a fortnight prior to the scan, so seeing the blob on the screen didn't hit me as hard as it maybe could have done. The sonographer welled up and DH and I went into an empty and quiet room to cry. I had RPOC for 3 months. I chose to deal with it on my own as I wasn't keen on someone rooting around down in there unless I developed an infection. It's not the surgery, the procedure or the people involved or even the person doing it, it was just at that point I was fed up of having equipment up there.
We have one more frozen embryo left which we'll have put back in when we're good and ready. We recently got a referral to a recurrent miscarriage clinic for investigations, which again is private and I know I'm lucky and I'm forever grateful. We wanted at least two, or maybe three children, but with the way things have gone, we'll be happy to just have one.
We are exhausted. I'll be 37 this year, so I do still have time, but at the same time, I know I'm pushing it a bit. Had I known it was going to be this difficult, we'd have started trying sooner, or maybe not bothered? I feel there is a very good reason as to why we can't see into the future, because we never truly know what's going to happen and we can easily make stupid decisions. Then again, if someone said to me that it was categorically never going to happen for us, there is still a chance we can prove them wrong, isn't there? It's all so consuming, even after taking a hiatus from IVF, it continues to eat away at you.
On the plus side, I've managed to dial down the envy I have for other people who are parents or are expecting. It still hurts, but I know they are just luckier than we are. Just one healthy bouncing baby. Please. Two or three would be lovely, but just one. Just one little roly-poly, chubby-cheeked shit machine. PLEASE! I'm sorry.
Rant finished.