How do you deal with disappointment while trying to conceive?

[spiderplantmum]

We conceived our first daughter first time. We're on cycle three of baby number 2 and I'm pretty sure this isn't our month either.

How do you deal with each disappointing cycle? It's tough going through the hope then the waiting then the disappointment and then the feeling like "well, what did you expect?". I think first time it was such a high of wanting to get pregnant and it immediately
happening, but this time it's already beginning to feel like a dream already. I feel like when (maybe even if!) we get pregnant, it's going to not feel real.

I should say that I absolutely know that only 3 cycles is nothing and that it's very common to have to try for a while, I'm just talking about emotionally, does anyone have any tips for balancing feeling hopeful with that not leading to feeling really disappointing during this journey? Thank you.

I let myself have my first day of af to feel sad. I talk to my friend and my sister and partner, have a good cry and then pick myself up for the next round. I say this like it’s easy. It’s really not. By Saturday I will be sobbing I know it. It’s so hard and so sad. It’s honestly one of the hardest things I have ever done. These forums and you ladies keep me going.
I hope you get to live your dream soon. ☺️

I started out assuming it would take a year or so, so I never really felt hopeful, I stayed very neutral. Ideally keep busy and distracted. Remember the statistics, it's about 25% chance of conception each cycle, and less if you're above 30.

@Peonies12 ah yes, I was 28 last time and now I'm into my thirties, which doesn't help.

@Duckgirl how long have you been trying? I seem to be surrounded by people that are getting pregnant 1st or 2nd cycle.

Allow yourself to feel disappointed - it's completely normal and to be expected, especially if you conceived so quickly first time and this time is different and takes longer. I still get disappointed each month, and I've had over 4 years TTC and 3 losses (no living kids). Each month you have hope, so when that goes it will always sting a bit. Just don't wallow in it too long - life goes on, and there's so much to do, and so much love to give. Basically, just have to keep looking forward as best you can x

My mum delighted in telling me how she conceived straight away each time. It took us a year or so with ours each time. I just had to keep myself busy and, that old cliche phrase, "try not to think about" (which I came to hate).

@spiderplantmum yhis will be our 11th cycle. 😞 I feel the same, everytime I talk to some one about their journey they tell me they were lucky enough to manage it straight away. I’m so sad

With my first we were lucky in conceiving first time but it ended in a mmc, then it took three months after the surgery which resulted in ds. Technically the mmc was long winded so it was 8 months in total before conceiving ds. I was 30/31 at the time.

We are now attempting ttc#2. I have just come off the mini pill and had a period, so I’m now onto the first proper cycle. I’m not sure how to cope to be honest. I have just turned 33 and I’m trying to prepare myself for it to take a while. It just took my friend 10 months to conceive her second.

Allow yourself to feel how you feel. It's heartbreaking when you have this vision in your head of what it will be like and then when it doesn't happen that month, a little part of you grieves that lost vision.

So allow yourself to do exactly that.

Surround yourself by the things you love to do and the people that lift your heart, give yourself the space you need. Don't rush yourself. The emotional toll of TTC is huge and tiring.

They don't teach you in Sex Ed how overwhelming and all consuming TTC can be!

I feel all of you here! I started ttc seriously this Jan and had 2 BFPs which both ended up with 2 MCs. Waiting for the O day and during 2WW have been dragging, especially waiting for the hormone levels to get back to normal. I did feel disappointed about not getting pregnant immediately after my CP but I was also relieved that I got my first real period. I feel blah for waiting and get excited for the new cycles which are not affected by MCs.
Whenever I get my LH surge, I look forward to the end of 2WW because anything is possible. It is contradicting. During 2WW, I feel like it is never ending but still hopeful. If I don't get BFP, the main take away is my body will be more ready for the next new cycle after MCs.
Sometimes we have to learn to view things differently. Good luck to you!

I’m with you - first child we got pregnant on the first month trying. Now on cycle 2 of TTC a second. Did everything the same as before (aside from now having an 18mo disrupt my sleep!) and no such luck.
For me it feels really frustrating because it’s like I know my body can do this because it’s done it before, why isn’t it working now?! I’ve given my little one a big cuddle and tried to keep in mind that not pregnant this month means an extra month of having the energy to play with her instead of first trimester exhaustion!