How to get your life back when TTC

[PearlCat]

Hi everyone,

We have been ttc since June 2023 and had a mmc at 6.5 weeks with laparospcopy surgery in March. We started trying again in May, and when my period was late by 5 days, the level of my anxiety and fear took over. Turns out it was just a late period but it made me realise just how much trying for a baby has taken over my life.

I find it very difficult not to compare myself with others who get pregnant quickly and just have days where I worry it won't ever happen for me, or I hear time ticking away and feel helpless.

But now I've decided I want my life back, I want to feel like me again and finally 'relax' as they say.... any tips for how?

Take (at least) a month off.

Make a list of all the (nice) things you won't be able to do if you get pregnant/ have a baby (or wil fins much harder. Try do all of them as much as possible.

Get drunk, go backpacking, redecorate,

Don't test unless your period is definitely late.

Do all the things that make you happy. Don't put anything off that you don't have to. Book the holiday (just check the small print in case you do have to cancel). It can be a long journey and you need to prioritise yourself, your happiness and your relationship.

But - don't worry if TTC is still on your mind or you don't fully "relax". For most of us that just isn't possible. Just have to do the best you can x

This advice is spot on. Ttc is such a headfuck- you could just be putting unhelpful pressure on yourself by resolving to stop it taking over your life (as it inevitably will, if you really want a baby). I like this pp's advice to just focus on doing all the things that make you happy. What helped me was agreeing an IVF deadline with my DH - that helped me relax that I wasn't just trapped in this limbo forever- that we would be taking decisive action if it didn't happen naturally.

@PearlCat i don’t have any advice, but what you have said resonates with me so much. Hoping to also get some advice from what others post.
I’ve been TTC since last July with 2 MMC and my life feels taken over by TTC, and anxiety. Sending love

Thank you so much for your responses. I feel so alone sometimes, so it really helps.

Just hearing you say do all the things that make you happy @moosey89 makes me fill up with tears. It's as though I've forgotten what my life was like before the longing for a child took over. I'm tired of feeling left behind when another announcement comes through or more baby pictures on group chats.

@Newnamesameoldlurker yes funnily enough I was thinking of doing this. We are also in the mean time going to get my husband tested soon. It is the limbo, the waiting, that causes the anxiety.

@Figtree11 I feel that we've chatted before on previous posts. Similar timeline during our miscarriages maybe. I'm so sorry you are feeling this too - it is scary, lonely and tiring isn't it.

You're all also right about the fact I suppose its accepting a part of it is limbo, accepting its hard to not think about or just 'relax'about. I just want to feel like my life is also full and happy whilst waiting I suppose 🩵. Thank you xxx

@PearlCat I 100% understand. And it's a real effort to get yourself back to doing things that make you happy but I promise you, you won't regret it. I feel so much better when I force myself out to do things I love, see friends, travel etc.

Also don't be afraid to block out anything that makes you feel sad or uncomfortable when it comes to TTC and babies - I unfollow anyone who makes a pregnancy announcement public ally (as it's likely they will also post during their pregnancy/about it and I just don't want to deal with seeing it as I know it makes me feel worse! All about that self preservation).

Don't track anything on apps, or test for ovulation etc. Just have sex every other day and plan nice outings etc to look forward to and to pass the time. Easier said than done. It took us 9 years to have our 3 children. I still get pangs of jealousy when I see pregnant women, babies, or big families. The feeling is ingrained into me even though I now have my precious family, TTC really messes with your head.

Thank you @moosey89 for your understanding 🩵. We've got a lovely holiday planned for the summer and going to focus on doing up our house. Going to write a list of all the things that make me happy and focus on our relationship. It really helps to share. I am learning to say no to things I know will trigger me now like meeting up with pregnant friends etc. I just can't do it for this time.

@Scottishgirl85 yes I totally agree about apps and just to have regular sex. When I did do that and use opks I just completely lost interest in having sex outside the fertile window and we actually got pregnant when I didn't track. I've just found myself go back to that, so I've deleted them all again now! Also find all of the tracking so confusing. That's really lovely news that you have 3 children now but I can imagine how difficult it was at the time waiting 💚

I think we have too, I recognise your username.
I hope you are doing as well as can be these last few days