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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Feeling very sorry for myself. 😪

13 replies

Ella31 · 12/06/2024 10:40

Hi all, I can't at the moment help but feel sorry for myself. Ive wrote about this before, I lost my twin babies last Winter - one of my boys was stillborn and my other little boy lived for four days before passing away in our arms. That was over 7 months ago. There was nothing genetically wrong or anything. It was rare twin condition that identicals can get and sadly we were one of the unlucky ones.

Admittedly and I know I shouldn't have,we started trying again very quickly within 7 weeks, partly because the grief was so overwhelming and coming home to that empty nursery was hell.

My cycle still hasn't really regulated, I thought it had and then the last two cycles ovulation has been very late. I was fairly regular before giving birth to my sons. I took coq10 this month but stopped as I was getting positive opks but no other signs of ovulation. I eventually did ovulate but much later than normal.

I guess why I'm writing this is, I'm in month 6 now of trying with no luck. I miss my boys and all I want is to give them a sibling. I'm actually 6dpo but it's looks like according to my temp monitor I didn't dtd on ovulation day only all the way up to it so ruling myself out again. Sigh. Apologies for the rant. Just needed to vent. This is so hard.

OP posts:
foxychox · 12/06/2024 10:47

I couldn't scroll past this. I'm sorry for the loss of your twins, you must be devastated. I'm sure that you have heard all of the old tropes before so I will just say be kind to yourself.
Thinking of you and hoping that your situation gets better....

Blue2020 · 12/06/2024 10:53

@Ella31 im so sorry for you loss. That sounds like you have been through a lot and I’m so sorry you don’t have your sons with you.

When you say ‘I didn't dtd on ovulation day only all the way up to it’ do you mean you dtd the day before ovulation? There is a 4-5 day fertile window to conceive it’s not just one day. I’m not exactly sure of the length (before ovulation) but if you dtd 1-3 days before ovulation then you definitely have a chance. I read that after ovulation the egg is only viable for 12-24hrs and some say even after 12hrs it’s not great anymore. However sperm can wait around for a few days beforehand and wait so dtd before ovulation is good as well.

CosmicLove · 12/06/2024 10:53

@Ella31 I'm so very sorry for your losses. I miscarried twins in April (10w) and that has been incredibly hard to come to terms with. I can't imagine how much harder it is for you having carried them for much longer and given birth to them. That is so difficult for you. It's completely understandable that you'd want to try again and it sounds like you're doing all you can tracking and hitting the right days each month. Don't rule yourself out this month - you're more likely to conceive having sex the days leading up to ovulation than the day of ovulation itself so still a good chance. But if this isn't your month, it will happen really soon. You know you can get pregnant and that's huge - sometimes it does take months but it will happen. I saw someone on here before had said getting pregnant, is like rolling a 6 on a dice. You can roll it once and get that 6, or you can roll it 10 times and not get a 6. Eventually though, you're going to get that 6. However, I know how disheartening it is to keep trying and not get the positive result you want so badly. Try your best to look after yourself, emotionally as well as physically. Do you things that you enjoy that will feed your soul and help to keep your mind busy. Self care is very important and when it does happen again for you, you'll be the best, most healthy and together version of yourself for your next little baby. Go gently ❤️ xx

FuckTheClubUp · 12/06/2024 10:56

Hi Ella, I’ve seen a lot of your threads and I’m so sorry for your loss. Do you think it may help to take a short break from TTC? I can hear the pain through your threads and it seems like the disappointment of not conceiving really weighs heavily on your heart which is so, so understandable.

Do whatever is best but taking the pressure off of yourself may help slightly. Good luck x

Ella31 · 12/06/2024 11:19

FuckTheClubUp · 12/06/2024 10:56

Hi Ella, I’ve seen a lot of your threads and I’m so sorry for your loss. Do you think it may help to take a short break from TTC? I can hear the pain through your threads and it seems like the disappointment of not conceiving really weighs heavily on your heart which is so, so understandable.

Do whatever is best but taking the pressure off of yourself may help slightly. Good luck x

Thank you, I would if I was younger but I'm 33 and my husband is 39. So we don't want to waste time but I completely agree it's been a huge stress. I definitely have to find a way to cope with it.

OP posts:
Ella31 · 12/06/2024 11:22

Blue2020 · 12/06/2024 10:53

@Ella31 im so sorry for you loss. That sounds like you have been through a lot and I’m so sorry you don’t have your sons with you.

When you say ‘I didn't dtd on ovulation day only all the way up to it’ do you mean you dtd the day before ovulation? There is a 4-5 day fertile window to conceive it’s not just one day. I’m not exactly sure of the length (before ovulation) but if you dtd 1-3 days before ovulation then you definitely have a chance. I read that after ovulation the egg is only viable for 12-24hrs and some say even after 12hrs it’s not great anymore. However sperm can wait around for a few days beforehand and wait so dtd before ovulation is good as well.

Thank you so much for your reply. I dtd for the 5 days before ovulation day. I thought I ovulated two days earlier but my ovusense monitor [core vaginal temp] said I ovulated two days later.

So basically ovulation was 8th June. I dtd days, 3, 4, 5, 6,7 but not 8.

OP posts:
Ella31 · 12/06/2024 11:23

foxychox · 12/06/2024 10:47

I couldn't scroll past this. I'm sorry for the loss of your twins, you must be devastated. I'm sure that you have heard all of the old tropes before so I will just say be kind to yourself.
Thinking of you and hoping that your situation gets better....

Thank you, it means a lot. I really hope it does.

OP posts:
Ella31 · 12/06/2024 11:24

CosmicLove · 12/06/2024 10:53

@Ella31 I'm so very sorry for your losses. I miscarried twins in April (10w) and that has been incredibly hard to come to terms with. I can't imagine how much harder it is for you having carried them for much longer and given birth to them. That is so difficult for you. It's completely understandable that you'd want to try again and it sounds like you're doing all you can tracking and hitting the right days each month. Don't rule yourself out this month - you're more likely to conceive having sex the days leading up to ovulation than the day of ovulation itself so still a good chance. But if this isn't your month, it will happen really soon. You know you can get pregnant and that's huge - sometimes it does take months but it will happen. I saw someone on here before had said getting pregnant, is like rolling a 6 on a dice. You can roll it once and get that 6, or you can roll it 10 times and not get a 6. Eventually though, you're going to get that 6. However, I know how disheartening it is to keep trying and not get the positive result you want so badly. Try your best to look after yourself, emotionally as well as physically. Do you things that you enjoy that will feed your soul and help to keep your mind busy. Self care is very important and when it does happen again for you, you'll be the best, most healthy and together version of yourself for your next little baby. Go gently ❤️ xx

I'm so sorry you lost your twins too. It's such a big loss isn't it. I hope you've been doing ok since xxx

OP posts:
sirensong · 12/06/2024 11:48

Your story is unbearably sad, I'm so sorry it happened to you.

You say your cycle still hasn't completely regulated. I have faith that when it does, this will happen for you.

Although 33 may feel significant to you, in reality you have plenty of time to breathe and recover. TTC as often as you want but also go on lovely walks somewhere beautiful, try to spend time outside of the TTC bubble online and remember you're a whole person.

IAlwaysTellTheTruthEvenWhenILie · 12/06/2024 13:32

Sorry for the loss of your beautiful boys, op.
Don't feel guilty either for TTC straight away. It's a very personal thing.

It can take up to a year to conceive and that's without your cycle a bit disregarded right now. Give yourself the time, it will happen🧡

Ella31 · 12/06/2024 17:44

IAlwaysTellTheTruthEvenWhenILie · 12/06/2024 13:32

Sorry for the loss of your beautiful boys, op.
Don't feel guilty either for TTC straight away. It's a very personal thing.

It can take up to a year to conceive and that's without your cycle a bit disregarded right now. Give yourself the time, it will happen🧡

Thank you, I forget sometimes I only gave birth 7 months ago. It's a hard place to be in at the moment

OP posts:
IAlwaysTellTheTruthEvenWhenILie · 12/06/2024 18:09

Ella31 · 12/06/2024 17:44

Thank you, I forget sometimes I only gave birth 7 months ago. It's a hard place to be in at the moment

Sorry I meant your cycle not having regulated. Not disregarded.

Ella31 · 12/06/2024 18:32

IAlwaysTellTheTruthEvenWhenILie · 12/06/2024 18:09

Sorry I meant your cycle not having regulated. Not disregarded.

Thanks so much. I appreciate the replies. I hope I'm back in a few months with better news

OP posts:
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