How to keep being positive (generally and in TTC)

[TrainIsMoving]

I guess this post is just to seek help from fellow ttc-ers. How do you keep positive? I feel like I've become rather negative in my thoughts, thinking it's already failed when it hasn't. I'm dpo 5 in my cycle TTC #2, trying for nearly 18 months with 3 MCs in 2023 before completely stopping getting pregnant. Before I would have been looking forward to the testing and trying to stay positive that maybe I'll get some symptoms in few days. Now I'm just completely sure it's not worked or not caring anymore. Of course I care, but it's kind of feeling like giving up. Even if it works out, I still dread it having to go through medications to prevent mc and feeling like I can't control anything, that MC is more likely though I know it is not necessarily true.

I'm going to start IVF in July due to very low amh. Not sure how I feel about it. Grateful I can do it, terrified it's just a lot more failure. I also went through quite a bit of therapy after the MCs, I found it not so helpful if I'm honest, maybe I already was negative and not receptive. I feel like talking about it is not necessarily helpful. Argh I'm so confused.

Also negativity has gone through to a lot of other aspects of my life. I went through a lot of issues 10 years ago and in childhood, which might have made me negative.

Anyway, I'm looking for tips to be more positive. Even if it's completely fake it till you make it type of positive, please share. Thank you.

As someone who has sub fertility and history of recurrent miscarriage I find it hard to be optimistic too.

There's 2 things I've started doing since my last loss a couple of weeks ago that are helping.

Firstly - looking for "glimmers", basically the opposite of triggers. Any thing, no matter how tiny, that makes me feel a tiny bit happy. And I actively try to find them. The more I find, the better I feel. And I've realised that even in the midst of tons of crappy stuff going on in my life (beyond the issues with trying to start a family) there are glimmers literally everywhere if you keep looking.

Secondly - I've made the decision to not let the bad times and sadness take away from the good. They can live alongside each other but I don't deserve to be missing out on good things and happy times because of the bad stuff going on. This one is harder because you really have to work at it and believe you deserve to be happy.

I've struggled with anxiety and depression for years - it's not easy to make yourself feel positive about things when times are really hard. I still cry and have days when I struggle to get out of bed, but doing the 2 things above is really helping me get the most out of life despite this. Hope this helps in some way x

Ooh and as an afterthought - I always get a little buzz of happiness when I help someone else or make someone else feel happy. So I try to do random acts of kindness too😊

@moosey89 I'm so sorry for your loss, it's so sad. My last loss was in August, it was devastating. It took me months to come to terms with it. It was a relatively early loss, so no complications, but I guess noone imagines themselves to be the rare 2% with 3 or more MCs.

The 2 examples you shared are so true. We are doing what we can, and this is all we can do. We have to enjoy some if not most parts of the day, otherwise life becomes such a chore and if I don't enjoy some process, it just passes me by. The daily walks, having chats with close friends, nice meals.. and now that it's summer, it feels easier in some ways.

I feel like part of being positive is loving yourself. I'm not sure I do, I blame and criticise and am very harsh with myself (and sometimes with others). Taking it easy doesn't seem to be part of how I was brought up, constantly criticised, rushed, pushed around. I guess therapy is often thought to help with these limits, but I can't seem to find a good therapist or I'm not open to it.