How to cope on sad days

[Heyitshal]

Hey everyone, I’ve been on my ttc journey for a year ish but I am absolutely devastated today after hearing the news of one of my friends being pregnant.

what do you find helps you on one of your sadder days? 😊

I’m at the 2 year 7 month mark now and nothing seems to be working . No real advice on what helps really I’m sorry but you’re not alone . Frustratingly every test comes back perfect I’m so confused as to what is wrong

I'm sorry. It's hard. Two miscarriages and not much else so far after one DC. We would dearly love another.

What works for me is 3 things - first, permitting myself a set amount of time to be sad. I'm absolutely allowed to feel whatever I feel, but it has to have a deadline or it just continues and it's hard to rein in again. Then distraction. And, when I can, trying my best to genuinely thankful for what I have, however simple - practicing gratitude trains the brain to focus on the positive rather than the negative (yada yada yada). There's enough challenges and I need my brain to be on my side.

I’m sorry we’re both going through this. Let’s spend time with loved ones and try feel better today ❤️

It is hard and I’m sorry for you too. I hope your pain eases.

That is great advice thank you, I know tomorrow I’ll feel better. I have so much to be grateful for and hopefully one day we both can look back at these days with our child, and remember how strong we were and be grateful we got through each day❤️

I’ve gone through recurrent miscarriage before having my DD and it was hell. Things that got me through were allowing sadness/anger/envy etc to just be there without fighting and taking it a day - sometimes an hour - at a time; A LOT of movement - dog walks, running, HIIT, yoga - some exercise always improves how I feel even when I really don’t want to do it; and support - very few people knew but the family members I trusted with this were priceless in making me feel loved. All the best to you

That sounds so painful, thank you for your care and sharing your tips. I’ve been trying to feel all my feelings since yesterday and I’ve been active and spent time with loved ones and I feel much better today but I keep thinking about it, is that normal?

Of course it’s normal. There are better days and tougher days, it’s all just being human xx

Been there, done that Heyitshall, and got the T shirt. Infertility is a bitch with wheels on. One of my friends had 3 DC before I got one.

Firstly, unfortunately friends and others are going to have babies around you. But that’s OK because you don’t want their baby, you want YOURS. Be happy for them, because when it’s YOUR turn, goddamit, we are going to shout it from the rooftops and people are going to be happy for you, and it’ll be your time.

The best advice I’ve ever had is from my late mum. When you are stuck in a corner, trapped, do the things you can do, so when that door opens you can run through it.

As a pp said, allow yourself to feel those feelings. I give myself 3 days to be upset. Then I’m going to rise out the ashes like a phoenix.

When it’s your turn. When you are pregnant and then have your baby, you won’t have a lot if time. So, get that stuff done NOW so when it happens you can spend all your time with your new family.

Get stuff done, strike the non baby friendly stuff off your bucket list, get super fit.

It will happen for you. Don’t waste this time waiting, get shit done.

I feel for you, I really do. It’s shit. However I now have 2 DC and it was worth it, and I see my previous infertility as a gift as it made me a stronger person and a more appreciative mother. I enjoy every second with my DC.

Loads of love to you.

You’re right, I can’t pause my life. I will try my best to implement all of this and remember. I have so many things I want to do in this life and I am blessed enough to be healthy enough to do them.

Thank you for your beautiful words and for sharing your mum’s teachings❤️ God bless you ❤️

If you can afford it, I'd suggest you take some positive action and look up acupuncturists who specialise in fertility

The ones I've been to have got walls plastered with baby photos.

It's got a good track record, doesn't involve taking pills or invasive procedures,

Totally worth a try. Worked for a colleague of a friend aged 42 that I introduced to my acupuncturist. She had a healthy son.

You will have to go regularly and I'm not sure if the partner goes too, but if you can afford it, then it could be something you could consider that could give you fresh hope? ❤️

I haven’t heard of this for fertility until now, thank you for sharing! I’ve had a brief look at one near me and the science behind it looks good! Appreciate your support ❤️

Fertility acupuncture and fertility reflexology - worked for me after 2 mcs.

Argh, it's hard! And it's totally normal to feel this way so first of all don't feel bad about it.
I always used to....
Congratulate them, fake my joy for them and mute them on social media.
Drink wine!
Remind myself that every month presents a new chance and that my time would come......and eventually it did against all odds (twice). Your time will come too! Be proactive and get checks if you haven't already, it feels good to be doing something positive!

Oh and good luck!! Stay hopeful!

I had acupuncture too.

I love this🤣❤️

Thank you, my time will come ❤️