Severe TTC anxiety

[IndigoSmile18]

Hi everyone

Just looking for anyone in the same boat/any words of wisdom to help…

I am only on to month 4 of TTC my second baby and it is really stressing me out. Every month I think it will happen and I imagine symptoms and the pressure and disappointment is getting to me now. I know 4 months isn’t very long but I feel like it’s taking over every aspect of my life and I can’t switch off, I see babies or pregnancy announcements everywhere and it’s a constant reminder.

I have one DC who was a lovely surprise so not been through this before. People keep asking me when are we having a second and commenting “when you have number 2…” and I can almost feel my blood pressure rise with the stress! 😂 does anything make this easier?!

Any (kind) words of advice gladly welcomed.. I feel like I’ve turned into a panicky mess.. thanks

I really feel for you, and I know this is probably not what you want to hear and a lot easier said than done, but just try to take a month or two off of thinking about it, ovulation testing, symptom spotting, whatever you're doing. Just some time off of actively trying and just allow your mind to rest and distract yourself by doing lots of other things. You might still get a surprise whilst not actively trying, and if you don't, at least it gives you a bit of a break from non stop thinking about TTC. Again, I know this is so much easier said than done, but obsessing over TTC is absolutely mentally exhausting x

@minnieot thank you so much for replying. You’re absolutely right, I definitely need a break/to change my approach - for my sanity if nothing else! I’m a bit worried though as I’m 30 that taking a break would be counterproductive, I read fertility starts to decline after 30?

It is so completely emotionally exhausting though so I think I may do what you’ve suggested and not track anything and see if nature takes its course .. fingers crossed 🤞 x

our first was a bit of a surprise, first month of not being as careful with contraception but our second took five months. I also got super anxious and convinced myself I was having symptoms every month. Two things we did differently month five were actually tracking ovulation, we’d been off by a few days it turned out and mentally giving up 😂 after four months of no positive tests the fifth month was the first one I didn’t symptom check or convince myself I was pregnant, actually just thought oh I won’t be and I think it just took the pressure off, easier said than done I know!

Oh just read you are 30, you’ve got tons of time! Fertily only starts to really decline after 35, I was 30 when I had my first!

You definitely don't need to worry about your age at 30, you've got plenty of time. Think of the amount of people who wait until their thirties to start trying. Some time off tracking will do you the world of good. Sending you all the baby dust for when the right time comes ❤️ x

I’ve heard/read that from a few people, being more relaxed seems to help! Definitely easier said than done but I think if I try not to focus on it so much it’ll be easier. Thanks so much for your reply. Oh that’s good to know! I was 28 when I had my first and was worried I might be having trouble due to my age.

I think a big part of the pressure is because my husband is also so desperate for another, when I tell him each month the tests are negative the disappointment on his face breaks my heart, I feel like my body is letting him down. You’ve given me some hope though, thanks so much x

Thank you so much. I’m definitely just feeling a bit more sensitive about it all today after AF arrived and I was so sure this month was it.. I had what I thought was implantation spotting last week and really got my hopes up. Onwards and upwards! Xx

Fertility does not decline after 30 FFS. 4 months is nothing. It’s very common to take a bit longer after your first, with hormone changes, and honestly I’d be very blunt with others making comments. It’s totally inappropriate, and none of their business. And I wouldn’t test til your period is late, and your husband needs to reset his expectations as well.

I did ask for kind words, @Peonies12 🙃

It took us 6m to get pregnant with seconds child. I drove myself crazy also as first child was a suprise as I was on the pill. I assumed because I got pregnant on the pill I'd get pregnant right away with no contraception.
I understand your frustrations, there's not alot to do but try and be patient with yourself 😊
Good luck 🤞 🍀

Try to not make your whole life about TTC. See if you can find other things to focus on and feel excited about. For example booking a little holiday or focusing on any hobbies you have or even just going out for some nice dinners. I think we can tend to put our lives on hold when we're TTC which of course then makes the process much more intense!

Peonies makes some good points. 4 months is not long at all, and other people are absolutely making things worse for you with their rude questions which are nosy and totally inappropriate. The sooner you put them in their place the better, seems like it might be hard but I've been there and trust me, no one makes comments now and that has made things like family occasions so much easier.

And your husband is adding a load of pressure by making you feel like you're upsetting him by not being pregnant. It's okay for him to be excited, but visible disappointment that 'breaks your heart' feels OTT after 4 months and not very supportive to you. I think you should show him some statistics, explain that it is expecting too much to be disappointed after 4 cycles, and explain how his reaction is making you feel.

You have had a baby already and no known problems and only 30 - things are really very good, odds wise. We do all get it, as we are all TTC and it can be totally consuming. But setting expectations with family and partners will make things much easier if TTC ends up lasting for more than a few more months for you x