The horrible feeling of “maybe it’s just not going to happen for me”

[1woodpecker]

I’ve had a gut feeling for ages that I might struggle to get pregnant. Whenever I said it to friends or my partner they reassured me it would be fine, no reason to suggest that would happen. But now I’m 5 cycles (a couple more with 0-4 so a bit less likely) and nada. I know they say it can take a year anyway, but I’m starting to feel less hopeful 😔

Hi OP is there a particular reason you feel like this ? Do you have a medical issue ? Do you track your ovulation ?
You can ask your GP to do some blood tests and check if everything is ok, you don’t have to wait a year for that.
I always felt the same as I have PCOS, very fluctuating cycle and the first cycle I ttc I didn’t even ovulate!

Hey, I’ve had some blood tests and I’ve got slightly low progesterone and oestrogen. I’m certain I am ovulating, but wonder if low progesterone is affecting implantation or sustaining? I’m waiting for an ultrasound (possible PCOS although I don’t think I do have that but glad they offered a scan!).
tracking my cycle/ovulation has been helpful but not sure if it’s given me more anxiety in some ways. I know for some people it just does take longer?

I started getting really anxious after trying for about nine months. I expected it should take maybe six months if we were actively trying, but there are so many variables. Good to check that everything is working as it should, of course, but even with everything working optimally, it can still take a bit of time.

I’m 16 weeks into a pregnancy now. It took about a year (14 cycles) for us to conceive. The month it worked, we were trying to DTD every 2-3 days. We were also both taking 200mg ubiquinol (CoQ10) and few a few other supplements that are meant to support healthy eggs/sperm. I have no idea if they helped or not. I imagine regular sex helped though.

Fertility Friend collects data about how long it takes to conceive. It might not be perfect data but it could give you some idea of what is typical. Five cycles isn’t very long so don’t worry!

Ask GP which supplements you can take think zinc is good, I started taking myo-inositol which helps regulate hormones. If you are already taking folic acid then you can buy the powder version which is what I take, takes the stomach a while getting used to it. I’ve been using OvuSense, you don’t have to do daily testing it tells you when you are in your fertile window and then confirms when you ovulated so don’t have to keep dtd. I know it’s easy for me to say but don’t give up! I went from not ovulating to getting my bfp so anything can happen!

Fertility Friend is a great resource and I loved comparing my charts and data, mostly because I'm just a data nerd, but the data from it is probably heavily skewed towards people who are having trouble conceiving. Someone who gets's pregnant in 1-2 cycles likely isn't going to log their info in it.

But around 5-6 cycles in with my first was also when that thought started creeping in. I was 27 at the time and statistics showed that about 80% of women my age were pregnant within six months. But then it also said something to the effect that 90+% of women my age were pregnant in a year (my number memory may be a bit inaccurate but more or less). So since I wasn't pregnant in 6 months, I had about 50/50 odds of being pregnant in another six months and I took that as decent odds. This might sound weird, but I took comfort in that. I did not conceive in a year either and then I took comfort in my upcoming appt with a fertility specialist. I ended up pregnant on my own before that date came (so just at 1 year+).

With my second, I'm 2.5 years in, still no BFP (I just had my first IVF transfer so the jury is out). I've done progesterone support, various tests, even an MRI, and each and every time I take solace in knowing 'OK, we're doing something, things are moving', but there's still the ...well, maybe it just isn't going to happen (this time).

Thanks all, that is helpful ❤️
I think I just worry as I’m 32 now and feel like the clock is ticking. That Ff graph is helpful! But then yes I guess skewed more to people who didn’t conceive easily. I’ve got friends who got pregnant literally the first time they tried or by accident and it’s hard to not compare 😔

I don't have answers sorry as I'm in a very similar position so you. I'm in my 6th cycle TTC#1. Age 34 never had bfp. Doing everything that I should be and used Mumsnet for moral support and advice.

I have an inclin it's something to do with progesterone or DH sperm based on my FF chart ovulation predictions/bbt so I've ordered a day 21 test from medichecks for this cycle and will ask DH to get tested next cycle. I'm a bit scared to go to the GP as I feel they'll just tell me to wait longer and it's a really frustrating, scary and upsetting wait when you're not getting anywhere and watching everyone around you get pregnant with no problems. You've reassured me I'm not alone with these feelings and I hope I've reassured you.

Ultimately I do think we'll get there, might be several years! Still doesn't make it easier having to wait and watch all the happy families...

Up to a year is normal, and worrying won’t help. Focus on what you can control - diet; exercise, keeping busy-don’t obsess your life with it. For the vast majority of people it’ll happen.

Sadly I feel exactly the same way. Been trying since September 23, no positive tests along the way. I've got PCOS so feel the odds are against me. I've lost weight and focused on being healthy, don't drink at all now, no smoking etc, done absolutely everything right and nothing.

I've also unsuccessfully tried for months on end at various points in the past too and hoped that a better lifestyle now would be what made this time different.

I just want a baby and it's making me a bitter person. Even towards other people TTC if they already have a child, as at least they are mothers and my biggest fear is that I won't ever be. It's so hard watching people get pregnant easily or accidentally. I can be rational about all of this but sometimes I get so stuck in my head I feel like I've grown spikes all over my body and nothing but anger comes out. I don't like being like that.

Hi @1woodpecker - 5 cycles really isn’t that long yet BUT I would say if you have low progesterone, and think you are ovulating, don’t be afraid to push for progesterone supplementation. Basically long story short I was trying for 15 months before I fell pregnant (I’m currently 20 weeks). I had all the tests, was told ‘unexplained’, but my progesterone blood tests were always very borderline and I frequently had spotting before my period / only a few days after ovulation and I was convinced therefore my progesterone levels were dropping too early for implantation. Anyway first doctor I saw was very dismissive of this but I saw a different doctor and she said why don’t we give it a go so I took progesterone from 1dpo and boom fell pregnant that cycle. I was the exact same as you - despairing that all my friends seemed to fall pregnant within the first month or two - but I think sometimes people just need a little bit of a boost - I had been on the pill for 13 years prior and I do also wonder whether that affected things. It’s such an emotional rollercoaster and I found the whole TTC journey so stressful, so I really do sympathise!

Hey - if it’s helpful to share, my GP was happy to do bloods (I’d already done a couple of tests via Hertiltiy and then GP offered to do an NHS repeat of then to give an up to date view) just before TTC because i said I suspected low progesterone and was concerned about hormones and whether it could be perimenopause. She was really kind and I felt listened to.

This is very true! Trying to exercise more, cut down on alcohol, eat more protein and less processed..

Thank you that is really helpful! I think I’ll go back and say this. I’ve had two day 21 progesterone tests between 25-29 (think it’s pm/mol), I believe you need 30 or above, so fairly confident progesterone is an issue. I suppose could also be other factors including male but this seems a sensible place to start!

@11woodpecker thank you, maybe I will go to the GP and trust that they will be supportive. I never ever anticipated years ago when I "wasn't ready" to have a child, that it'd be such a struggle and cause so much anxiety, stress and sadness. They should teach you more about the lows of fertility in school!

I agree 100%! We’ve been using FAM as contraception for the last few years, I assumed it was just very effective, now I’m wondering if I’m just not very fertile. Still feels a bit of a shock to not just get pregnant even after spending months and months on forums like this understanding that it’s not that simple