When to stop trying?

[Wishingforababy99]

I’m 42 next month. Just going through my 5th missed miscarriage and booked in for surgical removal next week. I have a son and I’d really like a sibling for him. They’ve all been natural conceptions but never progressed past the 4-5 week point. This last one there was a heartbeat at 8 weeks but then went for my booking scan at 12 weeks and the heartbeats gone and baby measuring 9 weeks. I’ve been under a recurrenct miscarriage unit but they’ve found nothing wrong. I’ve tried lots of things, heparin injections, metformin, progesterone, oral steroids, endometrial scratch, intralipids, nothings worked. I’m now thinking IVF but my husband’s not keen. On one hand I think I’m probably too old now and should just give up, on the other hand I want to keep trying. How will I know when enough is enough? Has anyone been in a similar position?

@Wishingforababy99 hi, I am in the same boat unfortunately, so fully understand 😞
I am 42, over the last 2 years had 4 chemical pregnancies, 3 ivf egg collections, 10 embryos tested - all abnormal, so nothing to transfer. All hormones and egg quantities very good, ovulation every cycle (BBT, ovulation strips)... just no quality..
They told us only donor route (it is secondary infertility too). We still haven't stopped naturally though we know that almost no chances and high risk
Ivf at our age low probability..not zero but only if you are ready to go through it..
Sorry don't have the answer..

I don’t think there is anything wrong with having an only (I had one and never yearned for any more) but if you want another, you want another.

can you afford to go private? And travel?

through the only child community I know lots of people who had their one and only through clinics in Spain with very stringent genetic testing elements.

if your heart feels this way, given your age- I think it’s worth having one great shot and then putting it to bed.

i’m so sorry about your losses. X

@Wishingforababy99

Im sorry for your losses.

I first got pregnant at 39 and between then and the age of 41 I had had 5 miscarriages.
The 6th one stuck and I now have a 4 year old girl who I had when I was 42.

Totally worth all the heartache and tears.
Everyone if different and pregnancy loss affects people in many different ways.
For me it just made me even more determined, I knew I was capable of getting pregnant just needed the right egg!

Also not been preventing since and recently found myself pregnant again! Sadly it’s ended at 6/7 weeks but just shows it’s still possible.

If you’re having regular periods and ovulating it’s always still possible x

I've been trying for 3.5 years and I'm now 42.5. Have had 2 chemicals, 2 MMC, 3 rounds of IVF and nothing to show for it. We're going to look into one round with donor eggs. But I'm done with trying with mine. I think they're just knackered.
I think in all honesty IVF chances at 42 are somewhere around the 10-15% chanceof success. Obviously it can work for some. But I'm not wasting anymore money on it now. Not with my eggs anyway.

Personally I think kids benefit more from a happy and healthy mom and dad than a sibling.

If this is affecting your mental health or marriage I think the cost is too high.

I know someone who risked everything for a second child. Her first kid was ignored for years. Her DH threatened to leave her.

Eventually she got pregnant at 50. Unfortunately she still isn't happy, and her oldest is now almost ready to leave home. She missed out on a lot.

I have one ds through adoption, I was diagnosed with Endometriosis at 27.

I had losses before I had ds and and a miracle pregnancy after that I lost. I never had unprotected sex again after that. I didn't want to be sad when I had this beautiful boy already.

You list what you've tried but don't mention aspirin. Have you tried that? Helped me when I was having recurrent miscarriages.
Hope it works out for the best whatever happens.

I was on aspirin for this last pregnancy, but not before. Do you take it every day or just after you get a positive test?

I think unfortunately my husband has had enough so doesn’t want to try again. We spoke about it tonight. I just feel so sad.

I am sorry for your loss @Wishingforababy99
I understand what you are going through, I am almost 41 and have one child almost 4 years.
I have lost 9 pregnancies all missed miscarriages after seeing heartbeats at 8 weeks and 1 ruptured twin ectopic.
I have been poked and probed, given a cocktail of drugs and I still have no answers or second child.
I had a D and C today and I can honestly say I am exhausted of the emotional toll its taken on us.
I am still desperate for another baby but I don’t know how to accept that I do need to stop for my sanity.

I am with you, although I’d like a third which I appreciate is not quite the same as your situation. But I am 43 in August and been trying for 2yrs, not a snifter of a chemical or anything. Both my others were conceived immediately. I’ve wondered throughout ‘when do we stop’ and just not felt ready, but for me turning 43 feels like when I can somehow. I actually feel a lot of relief about having made the decision and will just enjoy rolling the dice these last 3 months then move on. I can’t say how I came to this place and think the question ‘when to stop’ is very personal and individual. Wishing you all the best.