Can't have our own children/IUI not funded on NHS?

[Blubelll]

We found out yesterday that me (f35) and my partner (m40) won't be able to have our own children. He had surgical sperm retrieval and they didn't find anything. We are devastated, I cried so much yesterday that I'm all out of tears and just feel numb today. He is so worried that this will change things between us, though I've assured him it won't.

I went into research mode this morning and googled alternatives. We have discussed the possibility of donor sperm before and are both OK with it, but I can see IUI in our area is not actually NHS funded. If it's so much cheaper to do, why would it not be funded?

Hi @Blubelll, oh what shocking news. That must have been a lot to process. I was listening to a podcast the other day on male fertility (we suspect my partner might have male factor issues due to an undescended testicle at birth) and there was a guy with azoospermia on that talking through his journey - he now has a kid with donor sperm. Perhaps listening to the podcast/following his instagram might help with reviewing your options?

Are you sure IUI won't be offered to someone in you and your partner's position? That seems like an odd policy for donor sperm, what do they offer for lesbian partners?

Here are the links:
Podcast ep: https://hannahpearn.com/2024/05/17/56-mental-health-fertility-men/
His insta: https://www.instagram.com/knackered_knackers/

Thanks @CoolSummer89 I will definitely check that out.

The whole process up until now has been stressful and disjointed, and we have had a severe lack of communication from our doctors. The level of care we've received has been so shocking and for the most part we have had to fill in the gaps ourselves with Google, which obviously isn't going to be 100% accurate.

I am hoping I have read it wrong or not got the full picture, but what I found was the "assisted conception" policy document for our area here, and it only says "IUI will not be funded". https://www.hantsiowhealthandcare.org.uk/icb/publications-and-documents/policies

We will obviously have to wait for another appointment but based on our experience so far we will be waiting a while.

Has your care so far been NHS or private?

Ah I see, I wonder if IUI has lower success rates, although odd that they don't specify. It does look like if you have absolute infertility you are eligible for immediate IVF which sounds promising, although I completely understand how much more daunting that would be. I'm so sorry and I hope they clarify next steps to you soon.

That is devastating news to take in. My advice is don't do anything too quickly. Look into NHS help first to see if it is possible. If not grieve first for the DC you won't have. My DH and I met too late in life to have DC together. I did get pregnant but had a miscarriage and didn't get pregnant again. We grieved for a year. Then we decided to become foster carers. We got a DC of almost 6 but developmentally closer to 3. He will be 18 in a couple of months. He has enriched our lives so much. I sometimes feel We have been given more than we give. We have had lovely family days out at picnics, petting zoos, monkey forest, taught him to swim, watched him learn to ride a bike, to play team sports and have had wonderful holidays by the seaside together. I have 3 older DC from my previous marriage, but I love our foster DC just as much as my own DC. When you foster you can ask for a long term placement. There are too many DC out there who need a loving home.

Sorry for your news but it’s great you are channeling the loss into being proactive in your research.

Sadly IUI has very low success rates so perhaps that’s why. I know another poster mentioned same sex couples, unfortunately there is no funding for same sex couples until they have had 6 (I believe it’s 6) failed rounds of IUI. Based on my clinics prices that would cost around £30k so the funding isn’t worth it. Really and after 6 failed IUI’s it’s IVF that would be offered. We have self funded all of our treatment due to this. If I could have my time again, I would probably go straight in to IVF (2 failed IUI’s prior to starting IVF). That being said, my wife fell pregnant first time IUI with our DD so it’s not impossible!

@Suncream123 all NHS so far

Then I would talk to them at the next appt - you could always presumably have IVF with donor sperm?