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Original poster

Keeping early pregnancy secret from family?

15 replies

1woodpecker · 27/05/2024 20:08

Has anyone managed to keep an early pregnancy secret from family when you’re spending significant time together (eg. Family holiday!) when just not ready to share with them?!

all big drinkers, it would be SO obvious if not drinking 😬 I don’t think they’d buy an antibiotic tale…

could sneak non-alcoholic drinks but would be obvious that they’d been opened?!

OP posts:
Ilovebees · 28/05/2024 11:14

@1woodpecker hey , why don’t you just say that you just don’t fancy a drink ? No reason given just say you don’t fancy it that’s it ? Why do people expect people to drink alcohol when on holidays or out and about ?
I find this so weird , like how does not drinking alcohol make someone seem weird or suspicious ? Maybe you genuinely don’t want it .
i was out with family on a family meal few weeks ago and everyone ordered ciders and beer with their food and when I was asked what I want and I said just orange juice please , everyone looked so shocked ? Why ? Sorry but I’m not an alcoholic and I don’t need alcohol to have fun . I was not pregnant but still didn’t want any .

reabies · 28/05/2024 12:54

I haven't got any tips OP, as both times people guessed I was pregnant because I wasn't drinking. Some of them were wise enough to keep it to themselves until I announced, some less tactful asked outright. I would plead illness, or a health kick if I really didn't feel comfortable sharing. Best of luck, it's really hard!

Harriet1989 · 29/05/2024 05:17

I'm totally with you, while I agree with the previous post that it shouldn't be taboo not to drink I know my family would be suspicious if I wasn't drinking (and I've got this same situation coming up this weekend).

I've suspected before with friends and often been right but said nothing, hopefully your family can respect why you wouldn't say anything at this stage and agreed that no one believes the antibiotics one -
In a few weeks / months when you are ready to tell people they will know why so I think the elaborate lies feel more uncomfortable

I have friends over tomorrow night for a takeaway so I was going to have a small glass of sparkling and then as it's my house have 'gin' and tonic which is actually seedlip and tonic and just say because we're driving a long way on Fri that I don't want to drink too much (this is probably a blessing because we do have a 5 hr drive and I'm bad at saying no to one more drink!)

Then at the weekend I was planning to say I'm on a serious health kick for our August holiday - it's not great because then technically my food choices should align with that but also feel like no one will challenge it 😅

Original poster
1woodpecker · 29/05/2024 10:07

Ilovebees · 28/05/2024 11:14

@1woodpecker hey , why don’t you just say that you just don’t fancy a drink ? No reason given just say you don’t fancy it that’s it ? Why do people expect people to drink alcohol when on holidays or out and about ?
I find this so weird , like how does not drinking alcohol make someone seem weird or suspicious ? Maybe you genuinely don’t want it .
i was out with family on a family meal few weeks ago and everyone ordered ciders and beer with their food and when I was asked what I want and I said just orange juice please , everyone looked so shocked ? Why ? Sorry but I’m not an alcoholic and I don’t need alcohol to have fun . I was not pregnant but still didn’t want any .

Totally get that but if it’s changing the habit of a lifetime it would be so obvious! As in, I have no issue with it but know that family would suspect. Depends on the crowd too - I saw friends yesterday and had a soft drink and so did everyone else, but certain groups or family circles we usually would drink as a celebration of being together so it would be very obvious. Especially for an extended time not just one evening

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 29/05/2024 10:09

Honestly people aren’t paying as much attention as you think.

I drank a lot of ‘gin and tonics’, and swapped drinks with my DH so I had an empty glass.

Babyhatesnaps · 29/05/2024 10:09

I was a couple of months pregnant when it was Christmas and I didn't tell anyone! I don't really drink alcohol though so it wasn't obvious.

Changingplace · 29/05/2024 10:11

Just accept all drinks, but don’t drink them, people actually take a lot less notice of what other people are drinking than you’d think if you don’t make a big deal of it.

I got away with a whole weekend away, accept all drinks offered, wander around with them and tip away when nobody’s looking - get a coke/lemonade when you go to the bar yourself and everyone will assume it’s got booze in it (especially if you keep a gin style glass!)

Mitsky · 29/05/2024 10:13

After several losses I held off telling my parents and sibling, but we had several occasions together (birthdays etc) when I’d have normally been chugging wine.

I just said that I’d decided to take some time off drinking to see if it helped me and that it had been a heavy few months. I asked my parents if they suspected and they said no! It helped that my husband also didn’t drink at this time.

Changingplace · 29/05/2024 10:13

Ilovebees · 28/05/2024 11:14

@1woodpecker hey , why don’t you just say that you just don’t fancy a drink ? No reason given just say you don’t fancy it that’s it ? Why do people expect people to drink alcohol when on holidays or out and about ?
I find this so weird , like how does not drinking alcohol make someone seem weird or suspicious ? Maybe you genuinely don’t want it .
i was out with family on a family meal few weeks ago and everyone ordered ciders and beer with their food and when I was asked what I want and I said just orange juice please , everyone looked so shocked ? Why ? Sorry but I’m not an alcoholic and I don’t need alcohol to have fun . I was not pregnant but still didn’t want any .

Because doing that will raise questions, as you say yourself everyone looked shocked and asked you about why you weren’t drinking - like it or not it draws attention if someone typically is a drinker.

NarnianQueen · 29/05/2024 10:15

Definitely just accept the drinks then don't drink them! People will notice if you verbally refuse something but they're not going to be watching every sip!

Snugglewuggle25 · 29/05/2024 12:43

Random question but does your other half know you're pregnant. If so maybe he could help you out a little, go to the bar himself, get you a "gin and tonic" or swap drinks. Or maybe just tell 1 family member you trust that you're "trying" for a baby? Good luck enjoy your jollies!! X

mitogoshi · 29/05/2024 12:45

If you are a g&t drinker it's easy, just have the t. There's non alcoholic beers and cider widely available too

YouveGotAFastCar · 29/05/2024 12:45

They'll guess.

I wish it wasn't the case, but like you've said, behaviour changes are quite obvious and if you usually drink, people will wonder why you're not. I don't think many people buy the antibiotic line either. There's only one that it's a really bad idea to drink on, it's usually prescribed for dental issues, and when I had it, I had to take it six times a day evenly spaced, so they'd see you taking it at some point.

Realistically, it's a choice between keeping it a secret and going on the holiday. It shouldn't be, but it is. Otherwise, if you're lucky, people will have a hunch but not say anything. If you're not, someone will outright ask you, probably fuelled by alcohol.

MaJoady · 29/05/2024 12:50

I always sat next to my DH at the table, ideally on the corner. I'd have a glass of wine/beer in front of me that my DH would discretely sip from instead of his glass occasionally. He's obviously better drinking the same so it didn't look weird. And sitting on a corner made it easier to put the glasses near each other for swapping. I'm not a heavy drink so "nursing" a couple of drinks all night wasn't especially weird

No one noticed, despite weekly family dinners and additional birthday events until we told them at about 13 weeks

Original poster
1woodpecker · 29/05/2024 16:22

Mitsky · 29/05/2024 10:13

After several losses I held off telling my parents and sibling, but we had several occasions together (birthdays etc) when I’d have normally been chugging wine.

I just said that I’d decided to take some time off drinking to see if it helped me and that it had been a heavy few months. I asked my parents if they suspected and they said no! It helped that my husband also didn’t drink at this time.

That’s a good idea! I had thought of saying something like that

OP posts:
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