When "should" you have a baby?

[DeftFox]

Hi everyone,

Confused and looking for some advice..

I've been with my partner for 7 years now, engaged and both happy. I'm late 20's and he's early 30's.

I have been off any contraception for 17 months with the thought of, we're not TRYING but we're not NOT TRYING - if that makes sense?

Obviously nothing has happened which neither of us have particularly minded.

Recently I've become quiet broody and warm to the idea of starting a family. I don't often get these feelings of broodiness.

It would be easy to just go all in and proper start ttc but I have recently gone full time self employed, in quiet a physical job. It would be fine until I become heavily pregnant I guess.

What do I do? Do I hope the broodiness will pass and just carry on working?
Is there ever a "right" time to have a baby?
Should I not worry too much about work and just figure stuff out as I go along?

I don't know 😕

I think if you’ve used no contraception and have been having regular intercourse for 17 months, it would be wise for you both to get fertility checked. I know you haven’t been deliberately trying so if you have lowish sex drives/ don’t have a rise in libido around ovulation it’s perfectly possible of course that you’ve just been missing the right times. However, it sounds like you do want a baby so before deciding when to time, it would be sensible to check if you’re not going to need assistance given no contraception for 17 months.

in answer to your question, I had babies at 27, 30, 34. All fine, no right time. Personally glad I’m not a much older mother as had energy and feel relate to kids better (my mum was older) but many, many women are more towards 40 nowadays and in strong established careers/financial positions which is also definitely a huge benefit.

Thank you for your reply.

That's actually a really good point that I'd mindlessly overlooked.

I work days and he works evenings so we're definitely not the recommended 3 times a week kind of couple. But I find my libido does increase around ovulation and we usually do around that time.

I definitely feel ready as in I'm not bothered about "missing out" on anything. I'm happy to leave the quiet couple days behind but I think my work is concerning me.

Like you say though, I think maybe there never is a right time and you just figure it out as you go

After 17 months I’d be booking fertility tests OP, I understand the mentality of ‘not trying but not preventing’ but actually no contraception and having sex = TTC, albeit in a very relaxed way. After the results are back maybe discuss it more. There’s never a right time, but it’s good to no everything is ok for when the urge becomes desperate. Good luck OP!

I think you sound like you are ready to try properly and if you are late 20s then go for it. If a family is important to you then I personally wouldn't leave it too late.
I had my first baby at 25 and needed ivf (we started trying when I was 24 because I knew I had PCOS and hardly any cycles) and turned out we had MFI, son is now 2. I'm pregnant with second at 28 (naturally this time).
It's all individual but I'd properly track ovulation and try for 6 months then head to gp for more tests if it hasn't happened by then.

If you've been having unprotected sex for 17 months, I'd say you were mentally ready!

If you're sexually active and not using contraception then you're TTC. Definitely get fertility testing ASAP.
Sperm lives for 5 days so unless you're consistently avoiding the week before ovulation then I would have expected you to have a pregnancy (whether successful or not) within 3-4 months on average.

Get married first, and then see your GP as having regular unprotected sex IS trying and it's been over 12 months so time for you to both start getting some fertility investigations.

One thing I would suggest is to track your cycle for a few months. You might find that you ovulate earlier/later than you think? Use ovulation tests -lh. Also bbt to confirm ovulation occured.

Check your company policy around maternity entitlement and also risk assessments and changes to work for pregnant staff.

Consider whether marriage is necessary legally and financially before you have a child/potentially reduce hours etc.

And id agree about getting fertility testing

I highly recommend hertility health
4 female fertility testing