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Suspect we have fertility problems but zero desire to try IVF

3 replies

Opalfleur2025 · 21/05/2024 20:49

We are undergoing testing as we have been using withdrawal method since 2015 and rhythm method from January 2023. Started officially trying in July so its been around 10 months now?

We started infertility testing but we haven't got the full set of results. In no rush so haven't done it privately.

I keep thinking that if it turns out that either of us are infertile, I am not sure I want to go down the ivf route. My response would be relief mixed with a tinge of regret- relief that we would never need to move out of our tiny 2 bed flat and things would be financially easier (might be mortgage free in our 40s while going on lots of holidays) but also regret that we aren't having a little family that we always thought we would have.

Does the relief and lack of interest in ivf mean that I don't actually want to be a mother. Dh does want to be a father but I think a big part of him is also worried about the same issues I am worried about. He also knows ivf and childbirth is invasive so he says I need to be 100% about it.

I wonder if any ladies here have had similar doubts in the past.

I posted around a year ago re my doubts and I admit a big reason why I started trying is my SIL had a beautiful baby girl without anything figured out and seemed to have everything sorted aka was renting, couldn't really afford a child.

Unfortunately her life has since exploded in a way I wouldn't wish on anyone I.e. having to move back with her dh's family at 31 (her dh is 35 this year) and her dh has probably lost his job, they live in America but have no plans on how to afford health insurance etc

While the baby was by no means the only factor, I do think it was a big part. While my financial circumstances are better, I am still somewhat scared that something similar would happen to me!
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OP posts:
Opalfleur2025 · 21/05/2024 21:01

Should have mentioned in OP but the relief is due to me not having to make a hard decision on whether I want to have a child

If you asked me at 2 am if I wanted a child I probably would say yes. But at the same time I would be relieved if I or dh couldn't have children cos then it would be out of my hands!

Dunno if any of you feel t&÷ same.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 22/05/2024 09:23

You are not unreasonable to not want to do IVF, it’s expensive, invasive and stressful and no guarantee it will work. Once you are on that treadmill it is very difficult to call a halt and get off if things are not working. It does not sound like you feel strongly about being a mother.

Opalfleur2025 · 23/05/2024 09:12

bump

OP posts:
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