Always been adamant we are one and done.... now not so sure....

[spiderplant56]

Will try and keep things short...

I'm 39, have DD who is 8, nearly 9. She was conceived via IVF luckily during our first and only round. We also have 5 frozen embryos from that cycle.

IVF process was ok, pregnancy, I had morning sickness for 9 months. Birth was very traumatic. DD was a good baby but I still found it hard and ended up with PND.

Felt like it took years for the fog to clear and I still find parenting a real struggle and we'd been pretty happy just having DD. We never felt anything was "missing".

Then last week I got call from the fertility clinic as our eggs have now been frozen for 10 year .... what do we want to do with them?!

I've always looked at the negatives of having another one.... less money, less time, too old, massive age gap, starting again. House isn't big enough. What if something goes wrong. What if DDs life is impacted negatively, what if I get PND again, what if it's all too much it splits us up.

But now I'm starting to rethink the negatives which is a first!

How on earth do we decide whether to go for it or not. Feels like we should've just done it a few years ago.... but then I think will I think that in 5 years time, and we'll regret not trying now. I mean we could do a frozen transfer and it not work....arhhh

Anyone else had to make the same decision? ?

I realise this was not as short as I hoped!

Personally, from what you've said, I wouldn't have another. That level of sickness and mental health trauma would be really hard to deal with for you and your daughter. There's also nine years between me and my sibling and I found it a horrible age gap. But, if you read this comment and disagree, maybe it's right for you to try again.

I don't think there's any right decision I'm afraid. I stuck at 1 and it's been positive but obviously you never get to meet the 'child who could have been' or get to see your children play together (although you also don't have to referee).

I've not had IVF but had a surprise baby 9 years after the first. We had secondary infertility so were one and done against our will. I had my baby at 41. Pros: she's beautiful. cons: I'm incredibly tired and did have PND after the birth. The birth was tough as well. I would say to consider carefully but don't underestimate how tough it can be. I've only made it through because my husband is very supportive.

Thanks for everyone's comments. To be honest I had expected more opinions to say "go for it" lol

Spoke with DH about it all bad thankfully we are both on the same page and the thought of playing roulette again and it all going well is not something we want to do. Life is pretty good right now and things are settled, we have DD and enough disposable income and time to give her a good life. That would all go out the window with another one! Plus we are older now and it would be much harder.

I wouldn’t have another in your position. Your age, the age of DD; they will have a big age gap and it would be a massive change to your families life. I can’t see them ever being “in to” the same things making days out etc difficult.

You sound very wise. I found it easier once I'd drawn a line under it all.