Negative Nelly

[ToeBeans24]

I’m not sure what I’m hoping to get from this post really. Maybe just to reach out to others struggling.

Got my bfn today at 12dpo. I’m just feeling deflated. I know patience isn’t my strong point and I’m aware it can take up to a year. But I’m a natural worrier and concerned why when we are doing everything correctly (OPKs/SMEL etc) it’s not working.

It’s technically only cycle 3. We conceived cycle 1 but sadly that was a chemical. So really it’s only 2 cycles.

But I’m so sad and just want a baby so bad. This is made worse by the chemical as I know not even a bfp means we necessarily get to bring a baby home.

Any tips with either being successful or dealing with the bfn every month?

I think I may ditch the tracking and OPKs this month. Ironically wasn’t using them cycle 1 when we conceived.

I just never tested until my period was late, I didn't really see the point. The fact you got pregnant so easily is really reassuring, chemicals are incredibly common. And it can take a while for the body to reset after any pregnancy, it took us 3-4 months after a later MC. The only thing you can really do is healthy lifestyles for both of you. I found tracking/OPKs helpful as I have irregular cycles but I know it's not for everyone.

Thank you for taking the time to reply @Rosesanddaisies1. My cycles are regular which helps with tracking without OPKs thankfully. I only started them due to the chemical so wanted to monitor if it changed my ovulation date which it did. But this cycle it was back on track.

I used my last pregnancy test today so I’m going to follow your lead and only test when I’m late. It’s just too disheartening and ultimately doesn’t change the outcome (sadly).

I understand how frustrating it is when the process of getting there is taking longer than you envisaged - we took 11 cycles to conceive our first and I was losing my marbles by the end (COVID lockdowns didn't help, to be fair, as limited opportunities for distraction). If testing early and tracking ovulation isn't feeling useful for you then you can stop - I found it useful for me to help manage my expectations and to feel like I had all of the information I could, but I know not everyone feels that way. If you have fairly routine cycles, you're confident that you're ovulating each time and you have regular sex throughout your cycle then chances are tracking isn't telling you much you don't already know.

Thank you @blackberryhill do you mind me asking how old you were when trying to DC1? I’m 33 so that plays on my mind xx

Solidarity 💐. We’re also ttc our first and I’m a similar age and 3 cycles in too, not a whiff of a positive so far and approaching ovulation date in cycle 4 now. Going to try and hold off testing until at least 11dpo this month. I sympathise, it’s utterly shit when you want it so much.

@YaWeeFurryBastard in it together 🤗 sending positive vibes and strength x

I was 32 when we started and 33 when I conceived. Just started TTC #2 at 36 and age is definitely playing on my mind a bit!

@blackberryhill I was exactly the same age with you with DC1 and DC2, my second took exactly the same number of cycles as my first. I was really surprised x

@ToeBeans24 It's really hard when you've got into your head you want it and it doesn't happen straight away.
With my first baby it took 3 months which now seems like nothing but at the time each of those cycles were so hard and I was obsessed/became so deflated. I remember seeing someone on here say that they went onto the infertility forum it gave them a bit of perspective. It helped changed my mindset a bit.

I'm currently cycle 6 of ttc #2. I was fairly relaxed until I passed cycle 3 and now I constantly go between not caring at all and being obsessed. It's such a headache!

Ladies thank you all so much. I’m feeling a bit better this evening. I had just dreamed of a 2024 baby for so long that now I know that’s been taken out of my hands it stung.

For me it’s the not knowing when or if it will happen.

But I’ve had a word with myself. I’ve been fortunate to conceive twice despite no children earth side yet. Some people don’t get 2 pink lines ever. I’m grateful I have so I need to have faith in my body and a huge amount of patience 💐

Glad you’re feeling better. I’m now 16 weeks after an awful MC at 11 weeks last year, and it did take me 4-5 months to get pregnant again. There’s every chance it’ll just take some time but you’ll get there.

@Rosesanddaisies1 thank you 🤍. So sorry to hear about your MC. Congrats on your current pregnancy 🥰

I conceived on my first cycle in august and had a chemical, but then my period disappeared for 3 months. I was the exact same as you, feeling deflated and inpatient, almost like I wanted to give up quite early on.

I've just conceived this month!

It will happen for you. I have been telling myself that my future child just wasn't meant to come in jan/feb/March and telling myself to be patient

I actually had a month off for my March cycle and it did me the world of good, I was getting myself quite stressed and when we started trying again this month I felt a lot calmer and more positive

I'm 33 in a few weeks, same age as you and I worried about that too

@RedRobyn2021 exactly what I needed to hear today 🤗 can’t thank you enough. And I’m so pleased for you. Congratulations!

Guys I just wanted to update this thread for anyone who like me felt so low after a BFN.

I think despite a positive OPK earlier in cycle, my body actually ovulated a week later (recall having tonnes of EWCM week after my positive OPK).

I got a BFP earlier today 🥹 not even FMU.

Cautiously excited after a chemical pregnancy in Feb.

Anxiety not helped by the fact I don’t know really how many DPO I am. 19dpo going by original OPK but I think more like 10-12DPO due to the EWCM later in cycle and original BFNs.

Anyway - my lesson and reflection on this is - don’t give up. There is always, always hope x

Congratulations ❤️

@ToeBeans24 congratulations lovely ✨. I really hope I can join you on one of the pregnancy threads soon!