When do I give up?

[hopefullyTTC2x]

Hi all,

Still TTC#2. We really struggled to conceive with our first rainbow baby and he is now 20 months. I am grateful every day for him and feel so lucky every day he is safely here but still really want a second.

We have been trying since he was a year old and I know that's not very long in comparison to others or conceiving him which took over 2 years but I will be 41 soon and my husband is older at 46. I've been having lots of erratic cycles and bleeding, bad cramps and pain all the time. Have had scans and a polyp showed which has since disappeared. Had a blood test too which showed I wasn't peri menopausal.

I've started testing LH and BBT to try to find for sure when my ovulation is and time it right but get lots of symptoms when I ovulate so fairly happy that I was hitting the right time, it's just all starting to have an impact on my MH. The testing every day, symptom spotting, hoping, trying not to test too early into the TWW and becoming so disappointed each month. I try to post on here too but haven't managed to build up a friendship group or anything for support and it all feels very lonely.

In short, wondering whether I should just call it quits and be happy with what I have, try to come to terms with it not happening again or how long to keep going for with it impacting my MH. I'm not sure if I've just left it too late in life or maybe my body is too stressed out to conceive again. Have just been taking a pre conception multi vit but maybe I should up the ante with vitamins and supplements too. Any advice or words of wisdom? Anyone in same situation?

I’m a bit younger than you but my husband is 45 this year and we decided 1 was enough, she’s just gone one. Took us 2 years to have our baby, with two miscarriages which left me in pieces before I was able to conceive and carry successfully, and like you I’m so grateful for her. I went through a few months of grieving not having another, although I knew it was the right decision for us, and I feel much more at peace with it now, in fact very content most of the time except for occasional pangs. But like you I didn’t want my MH to suffer and that to affect my experience of her - I just can’t go through those cycles again, I want to enjoy the baby I have. Only you and you DH know what’s right for you but if you decide to stop, you’ll need to grieve but there’s light at the end of it x

I’m in the same boat, we’ve been trying for 18m now. I was told at our age quality of eggs is a big issue and there’s only about a 5% chance of conceiving each month and even if we do manage to conceive then chance of miscarriage is very high. It’s really tough as everyone seems to be pregnant with their second at the moment. Also thinking of giving up.

I'm in a very similar position. I'm 41 and have been trying for just over 2 years now for #3, ironically enough after an early loss of a surprise pregnancy when I'd missed some pills. Since then I've had nothing bar a chemical in November. It all feel soul destroying. I want to give it a few months more, but really I know I'm reaching a sensible deadline. The hope over expectation is really really tough to deal with though 🥺 and it's put a huge shadow over the past couple of years.

In a similar situation - will turn 41 in a couple months. We've been TTC for 14 months now - this would be our second together. We've had one CP and one MMC in that time. We have now gone done the treatment route and are about to try a second round of IVF. Just feel I need to try everything before giving up. The thought that it might not happen just feels really crushing, even though every month that we fail I know I get closer to that being a reality. It is so consuming and I feel our whole lives are on hold for something that may never even happen.
No advice really, just nice to read about other people in such similar positions as it's a lonely place to be.

@hopefullyTTC2x hey, I'm sorry to be felt so lonely during your journey, it can certainly feel that way at times.

I have a 2year old and in the last 9 months had two missed miscarriages. I have very much been debating staying with just my daughter, and I'm very much at peace with that decision but we will give it one more go first. I'm now prepared for either outcome as like you it becomes all consuming which just isn't healthy. The last 6 months have taken an absolute battering on my mental health, hence only giving it one last go x