I feel really really sad.

[MademoiselleFrenglish]

I’m not really sure what I’m looking for, maybe just a chat?

We’ve been TTC for 16 months. I recently had bloods done that show I have low hemoglobin (10.4) and my ferritin level is 21.5. I’ve also been told that I have a fibroid in my uterus (just the one, about 3cm or 5cm, can’t remember which and the papers are at home).

I have to have a HyCosy (which I’m super nervous for..) and I’ve obviously been doing lots of googling. I’ve found out that low iron levels make it more difficult to conceive.

I just feel really disheartened. It should be “good” news because now at least we have a potential reason for why we haven’t conceived yet, but actually I just feel really quite shit. I keep trying to distract myself with work etc but I can’t get all of this off my mind.

I don’t even know what I need from this post. I just feel really sad.

I think that sadness is a natural response.
On one hand, great, there's something clearly not where it should be and you have a bit of a next step plan to try to resolve.
On the other hand, you've been TTC for 16 months and often it feels like enough is enough and having to do further "work" to TTC is disheartening.

I think realistically anything that isn't a 'you will definitely get pregnant next cycle' is a punch to the gut and you're responding proportionately.

When did you find out? Sometimes it takes a couple of weeks to let yourself feel the very valid feelings and then start picking yourself up and moving forward ♥️

I’m sorry you received bad news. No advice except for the low iron. If you don’t tolerate the tablets well I’d highly recommend the sachets. It’s water enriched with iron and much softer on the digestive system. You just mix it in with juice. I buy mine online. I had severely low iron and it’s helped so much. Fingers crossed you get your positive soon

4 feretin / iron..

2 x wheatabix daily

Snack on dried apricots

Eat kale / broccoli / peas ..

Repeat..

Beef - with Sunday roast..

Red melon = also good 4 iron

Have u got your vit d checked ?

2000 iu vit d daily is often a gd shout

Sorry you're feeling so sad, I remember one of your other posts making me laugh and smile. I'm in a similar boat, spend most days fighting back tears. I've also been referred for a Hycosy just today. Try not to be worried about that, it's a common procedure and carries very few risks. Slightly differently to yourself all my tests are apparently totally normal. I think both situations are as difficult as each other. I don't have any advice but just wanted to let you know you're not alone xx

I remember being really sad when I had my diagnoses (rock bottom progesterone, body can't ovulate by itself, signs of PCOS) because even though we had answers and thus treatments, my body couldn't do what it was born to do. That made me mourn the missed-period-surprise-pregnancy-test scenario we may never be able to have.

This shit is HARD. It's so normal to feel sad.

I had an hycosy in December and was really worried. However the reality is, it was absolutely fine in terms of pain- similar to smear. That was the month I fell pregnant after two years of TTC. It sadly resulted in a MMC. Sending you lots of positive wishes OP xx

Thanks so much to everyone who's answered, I clicked away from the page thinking no one would see it so it's been a bit of a mood lift to see you have, thank you.

@MyEggsArePrecious You've summed it up perfectly. It's a mix of emotions - relief, sadness, anger, confusion, hope.. it's all really overwhelming. I found out about the bloods at the beginning of last week, and the fibroid was mid last week. I didn't really think about it all for a couple of days, felt quite numb, but then it's all hit me a bit more this week. Think I need to take it easy..

@Margaritavillee @worldwidetravel2017 Thank you both for the advice. I've started making a long list on my phone of the foods I should be eating, so I've added everything you've recommended. I got some iron sachets from the chemist and I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow to hopefully get a prescription. It'll be wonderful if low iron really is the cause of all the complaints I've had over the years, so I'm crossing my fingers they'll sort me out.

@moosey89 Hey, I remember you from that thread too 😊I'm nervous and not nervous about the HyCosy, I think it's more of a mental thing rather than being scared of any pain. It just feels a bit like "this wasn't supposed to happen to me" and I don't really know what to do with that just yet. I think I'd feel worse if all my tests were normal tbh, so I'm really sorry you're feeling crap too. How long have you been trying?

@JuniperandI Yes, you've nailed it. I feel like my bubble is burst. I don't get excited to take pregnancy tests anymore. This month I wasn't even excited to have sex when I ovulated. It feels like the magic is gone and I need to come to terms with that and just accept that it's the case and I can't really change it. I'm sorry you had shitty test results - where are you at now with TTC?

@MerryBrickHelper I've read a lot of stories about women falling pregnant after a hycosy so that's something I'm holding onto very carefully. Don't want to get my hopes up too much, but it does feel good to have some hope after all these months. I've read that the pain/discomfort of a hycosy is the period cramp type pain, rather than sharp/cutting/needle pain, is that right? I'm so sorry it ended in MMC, life really is a bitch and completely not fair. Sending you lots of love. xxx

@MademoiselleFrenglish we're 2 years into TTC, and we're doing medicated cycles at the moment. We've decided we'll give it a few more years at the most, with possible IVF next year.

Oh I know, our sex life is all about TTC at the moment. It's not good.

I know how you feel, we have been TTC for a similar amount of time. My blood tests came back normal and we have our first hospital appointment tomorrow. I'm praying that they find something wrong that qualifies us for IVF as in my area, if you get lumbered with the "unexplained" badge then they make you try for 3 years.

I feel like I'm losing my mind, life is on hold, we are early to mid 30s and so so ready for the next phase of life that all our friends are now experiencing. They are all wondering why we don't have a child. I know our chances of conceiving naturally after this amount of time are extremely slim, I know it can happen but the odds are very low.

Anyway, just wanted to say that I know how you feel, I don't have any advice, it feels so unfair.

Have you had a transvaginal scan ?

To check 4 fibroids / structural

Also -

Incase any of this helps anyone else ..

NHS can test for polycystic ovaries - blood test = pco blood test ...

Also its very worth asking NHS gp to test your prolactin..

My friend had failed private ivf

I suggested basic tests - her basic tests showed prolactin issue ...

Also progesterone - i cannot stress enough that testing your progesterone is one thing
But in many ways - the result means zero - nothing - if you dont know your estrogen to progsterone ratio ..

Randox health for 29 gbp offer some hormone testing - includes at least 1 estrogen thing.

Private endocrinologist is 300 gbp - thats one way to get youe estrogen - e1 e2 e3 etx and cortisol and various others tested

^ these potential hormone unbalanced tests - really matter
And can make a difference..

I had private thermal imagery of boobs and arm pits done - got diagnosed with fibrocystic boobs and told i likely have too much estrogen

@MademoiselleFrenglish

@MademoiselleFrenglish yeah I understand that - I feel the same way.
My TTC history is a bit complicated, I was TTC with my ex for 2.5 years (think I also had a chemical in that time but never tested early so it's impossible to really say), then got pregnant but ended in MMC at 11 weeks which totally devastated me. It was the trigger that actually led to the marriage ending as we realised we weren't able to support each other. Very sad, but ultimately the split was best for both of us.

So this time around, it took 6 months, ended in MMC at 10 weeks but I knew from around 7 weeks at a private scan it was unlikely to end well as the heartbeat was super slow. So I got referred to the EPU and had weekly scans until the heart stopped completely. It was really traumatic going in each week and essentially waiting to hear what I already knew would eventually happen. I'd rather have miscarried earlier than have it drawn out like that.

I'm now about to head into cycle 9 of TTC again since that loss. I'm emotionally exhausted, and understand that feeling of "I shouldn't be having to go throughout all this". I was so excited to conceive after 6 months, truly thought that was it, I'd been through the long period of trying with my ex and the world was going to give me a break and let me get pregnant pretty easily and have a baby. Unfortunately the world had other plans.

When is your Hycosy booked for? There's a 3 month waiting list where I am 🙄

@JuniperandI Wow that's tough. I'm not even at the point of considering IVF just yet, I can't imagine how difficult it is. No it's not good at all, but I've no clue how we can get the sex back to normal other than "giving up", which isn't what we want either. May be a case of just waiting it out.. either that or having drunken date nights once a week but even that doesn't sound appealing!

@akk 3 years?? It's rules like that that drive me insane. In what universe is that an acceptable solution? Why wouldn't they just continue to test until they find a reason. Have you received any other advice like diet changes, lifestyle changes, blood tests to have etc? I know what you mean about being ready for the next stage, it's how we feel too. Pregnancy announcements are popping up left right and center, it hurts the most when it's from people we saw regularly doing drugs and partying all night until recently. Why do they get a baby, but we don't? We don't do drugs, we don't stay out late, we don't drink regularly, we're usually in bed by 10.30pm, go on hikes at the weekend, we've saved up money for this, we've been sensible! It really is a bitch and completely unfair, I'm sorry you're feeling it too.

@worldwidetravel2017 I'm in France so the words are all different unfortunately. I had an internal scan, is that the same? I have a uterine fibroid. I'll write down everything you said and speak to my doctor about it. She always seems quite happy to prescribe tests so I'll make the most of it. Thank you so much.

@moosey89 Oh wow you've been on quite a journey, I'm so sorry that it interfered with your relationship, but great if it worked out for the best. The miscarriage after 6 months just seems cruel, I'm sorry. I would've felt the same, like you're finally getting your break and the universe isn't being so awful to you. It almost feels better being able to blame the universe, but it doesn't really help at the end of the day. I haven't booked it yet but things in France move quickly, so it should be for the date I select. I'll wait until the end of this cycle (few days..) to see if I'm pregnant and then book it for the following cycle as I'll be travelling during this next one. So I guess it's going to be a similar wait but more because of personal reasons that wait lists. How are you feeling about yours overall? Is it the first one you've had?

Our GP didn't give us any advice, from what I understand though as long as you're living a pretty normal lifestyle then there is not a lot you can do to change anything. Hopefully we will be referred for some more tests at our hospital appointment tomorrow. We sound very similar to you, we live healthy lifestyles, have good jobs, saved up to make maternity leave viable. Pregnancy announcements are all over the place and a friend just announced the accidental conception of her third child. I hate being this down about things but we only get one life and the clock is very much ticking.

Thanks @MademoiselleFrenglish - the divorce was definitely for the best, my partner now is wonderful and supportive and as a bonus I love his family too so whilst the experience was horrid, I'm in a better overall situation now for sure.

I'm feeling ok - I want to be able to check off the box if that makes sense. I had my tubes checked around 4 years ago when I had some abdominal surgery (it was private so they could do extra stuff whilst I was under which was really good!). The surgeon said it all looked ok then, I was worried because I had a horrible infection around my fallopian tube when I had appendicitis years ago but apparently it doesn't look like it's harmed anything. But still good to have it confirmed - although at this stage I'd actually like something to be able to be "fixed" as it's so frustrating everything looking ok but not being able to conceive! What other tests have you had done so far?

@akk It's just mad that doctors don't really recommend anything. If I went into a chemist with a cold over here in France, I'd come away with an entire bag full of things to make me feel better and to make sure I don't get another cold further down the line. But ask them if there's anything you can do to be in the best shape possible for TTC and it's "nothing, just don't stress". Just isn't good enough for me. Yes it really does feel like the clock is ticking at times. I'm a very patient person but this is really pushing its luck!

@moosey89 Oh wow, I'd love if they did all these tests at the same time while I'm under, would take away all of the anxiety surrounding it! Good that everything came back clear for you though. Yes definitely good to have it confirmed, it feels a bit like a tick box for me too but this fibroid has me a little bit worried.
So far I've only had a blood test and an internal scan, I think because I started at 28 everyone was happy for us to just try for a while without any tests but it's really about time that some investigating is done. What have you had checked other than the previous hycosy?

@MademoiselleFrenglish how are you getting on? I read a few of your posts and your situation seems very similar to mine albeit you have been trying longer, my heart goes out to you. I had a hycosy in May and honestly there is nothing to worry about - intense cramps when it’s inserted but after that absolutely fine - it was another tick box exercise and we either would find something or it would be another thing to rule out. Thankfully it was the latter for us but we have found out I’m iron deficient and I’m hoping this is the issue, to top it all of my period has done a Houdini - on day 41 of a usual 30 day cycle but negative tests and no symptoms.