Trying again after a loss (trauma)

[Francescarae]

Hi all, I’m looking for tips really of how to get mentally ready to try again. We had IVF and did a frozen embryo transfer in October which worked and unfortunately had a missed miscarriage (we found out at our 12 week scan) we’d already seen the heartbeat 3 times so it was such a shock and absolutely devastating, then tried to miscarry with medical management and couldn’t I then had a major haemorrhage in surgery and lost 3 litres of blood when I had an ERPC and then spent 4 days in ICU to see if they could stop the bleeding, which luckily they did but it was all very scary.

we have waited 9 weeks and have been given the go ahead to do another frozen embryo transfer which I definitely do want to do, but I’m really scared of being pregnant again and was wondering if anyone has any advice for being ready to try again after loss?

thanks so much for reading xx

I'm sorry for your loss. It's not easy - I wish I had some good advice, but just wanted to say I understand. I had a late ruptured ectopic at 12 weeks in June and lost a fallopian tube. It was all very traumatic and devastating. We waited 3 months to try again and are still now TTC. I'm so desperate to get pregnant again, but am also filled with anxiety about all the things that can go wrong. I used to think that getting pregnant was the biggest hurdle, but it doesn't feel like that anymore.

On the one hand these forums have been really helpful, on the other realising just how many women go through all sorts of losses has kind of fed my anxiety.

Ultimately, there are no guarantees and you do just have to hope for the best though. For every sad story there are dozens of successful ones. In real life I know so many women who have miscarried and then had a perfect pregnancy next time. Sorry if that's not much help, but best of luck to you. I hope you go on to have a successful pregnancy.

Thanks for your reply @DejaMooo and so sorry to hear what you have been through, it’s so hard isn’t it, I really hope you are pregnant again soon.

i still cry every day, I do want to try again but I am scared, I suppose all we can do is look forwards and be hopeful for next time.

i just wondered if there would be a point where I would definitely feel ready to try again but fully appreciate that the scared feeling may never go so I might just have to try and overcome that one some how, I’ve been speaking to my fertility counsellor and she said that once you’ve had a loss it’s always mentally and emotionally difficult.

i really hope we both get there xx