will I regret not trying everything to have another baby? ...

[wannaBe]

... or is it possible to reconcile oneself with the realization that it just wasn't meant to be?

ttc dc2 for three years. dh diagnosed with low sperm count in august 2006, was due to go for follow-up appointment but never did.

so the reality is that another baby isn't on the cards, not naturally anyway, (even though we did manage to conceive ds1 naturally).

Now as much as i want another baby, I don't feel that I want to go down the route of IVF etc because it is costly, both financially and emotionally and there are no guarantees. Plus I have a lovely ds, so I know that i am already luckier than some.

So in my head I have reconciled myself with the fact I am only going to have one child. I am hoping to go to uni to do a degree, and at the weekend I did the ultimate letting go thing - I sold all my nursery furniture.

But in my heart I still wonder whether it might happen one day. I'm not using contraception because really there's no point as we can't get pregnant, so a little part of me wonders whether maybe it will happen (even though i know it won't.

And another part of me wonders whether I'll look back in 10 years and regret not doing more to have another baby.

oh wannabe, i dont think that it will ever truly leave you. but you have to do something for yourself and your family now. if you dont want to go down the ivf route then theres no reason that you have to. you have done everything you can and i dont blame you for not wanting ivf (im with you there) x

I am so sorry wannaBe

What do you mean by 'done more' though? If IVF isn't an option, then what else can you do other than do as you are doing and hope beyond all hope?

I think there will always be a part of you that is sad at not having another child because you have wanted one for so long.

Would adoption be an option? Could you chase up the follow up appointment from DH's sprem test?

I know this is not a response to the question you are actually asking but I just wondered whether you have tried natural means for boosting DH's sperm count? My BF's DH was diagnosed with a very low sperm count. He started taking various mineral supplements, upped the fresh veg in his diet, stopped drinking much alcohol, sprayed his balls with freezing shower water for a minute a day and various other things. These were all recommended by their fertility doctor! Two years later his tests came back significantly improved and they have a lovely new DS.

tbh nj no I don't think i could adopt. Apart from anything else I think it's unlikely I would be approved to adopt (people with disabilities generally not allowed to adopt in this country).

Artichokes yes dh took some vit/mineral supplement to try to boost his sperm count, and although he didn't go back for a repeat test I didn't fall pregnant.

As a rule I'm totally accepting of the fact that this is how my life is. in fact I am quite happy that I can now do something for me - i.e. study and give my time to ds' school etc, it's just an occasional thinking, and wondering.. and I don't want to suddenly wake up in 10 years time consumed with the sadness at not having gone for IVF when I might have been able to fall pg that way.

Is IVF deffo not an option for you now? Maybe if you did a bit of serious looking into it, it would help make up your mind? At least then if you woke up in 10 years and felt badly, you can reasure yourself you made the right decision now, not just for you, but for DH and your DS.

you may not necessarily need IVF. IUI might work for you, especially with a sperm wash.

it is a hard one, if i was you, i would go do everything because i know that i will regret it 10 yrs down the line.

having said that, i have friends who have done ivf and it is a hard hard road. i would give it a go though.

i can completely relate to your being happy with your DS. i too have a DS and although i am ttc for #2, i know that if if it does not work and i run out of time (too old) i will not be devastated, iyswim

Message withdrawn

the fact you are already wondering about whether you will regret it says a lot, i think ... living with 'what ifs?' is difficult

i suppose it depends on how far you need to go

Are you OK wannaBe?