How to broach home insemination kit with DH

[Cherry85]

A few years a go I (39)had a parasite that leaves me very tired in the evenings, so by the time hubby (45) gets home I'm usually knackered and not in the mood for baby making. First time round, we were lucky and got pregnant with DS(4) on the first go - but anytime we have sex now he just doesn't get to that crucial point.

I am scared we are going right miss our opportunity for another child and want to bring up the subject of home insemination kits - but scared he will take offence.

Any advice? Also any reccomendations on where to get them? Do I speak to docs or just amazon it.

No offence, but truly, if the two of you are unable to co-ordinate a time when you both have enough energy for sex, there is no way you will have enough energy for another child.

I agree with PP, how are you going to handle a newborn if you’re that tired. I think you need to deal with your health and sex issues more broadly.

@Rosesanddaisies1 @WittyMotherhoodRelatedPun Thanks for the medical advice guys but that wasn't what I was asking for. Really helpful and supportive.

What conversation have you alrrady had with your husband about TTC. Does he know your fertile windows etc?

Sorry, I agree with others. If you have zero energy in evenings and DH is likewise, do you want to add an extra burden/work to this? How would this work practically.

Can't you vary when you have sex. First thing in the morning or at weekends.

Sorry OP but it is true.

you’re saying you’re exhausted by the end of the day because of a health issue.

you will struggle with pregnancy and a new born. This is a fact. Plus you already have a 4yo. Two small children is a lot when struggling with any health issue. There’s the potential this issue could get significantly worse and you’d be limited in your ability to raise either child.

mumsnet is supportive but also very honest. It would be unkind if any of us to be dishonest and give you blind hope.

You’re 39 so there’s also the potential you could be experiencing early menopause symptoms too - exhaustion is one of them - and it could be masked by your current health issue so there could be a low likelihood of success regardless of method and again it would be unfair to get your hopes up if this could be the case.

is your husband struggling to climax or is it all your exhaustion?

is he 100% on board? His bedroom response could be suggesting he isn’t. At 45 he may be OK having one child and the thought of having a 4yo at 50 could be too much.

suggesting insemination would be a kick in the balls for him if he has a medical issue. To men you’d be saying he isn’t man enough to do it the old fashioned way even if that’s not your intention. There would be no easy way to do it.

pack your 4yo off to childcare if possible and have a realistic conversation about a second child with your hisband again and bring up all the pros and cons of everything and try to do so without judgement. let him get out all of your worries and be honest about things such as your illness getting worse and how would that play out? Could he give up work to care for you and the newborn if you did get worse? Could you afford it? Can you buy in care? Etc etc. you need to think worst cases as well as the status quo.

Personally I would ignore people telling you you need to think more about having a 2nd child. I feel angry on your behalf that people would be so patronising to think you'd hadn't thought about all the consequences of this, as I'm sure you have thought about it a lot. There is a vast difference between finding the energy to look after a child and finding the energy to have sex and I don't know how people can compare the 2 to be honest.

Actually trying to answer your original question, I would definitely try bringing it up with your husband. If he's struggling to climax due to tiredness or pressure then being able to do it in his own time he might actually find better for himself as well. I guess my point is that without speaking to him you have no idea what his thoughts on it might be. I would speak to the Dr about it as well and maybe they can point you in the right direction.

My step sister has fibromyalgia and other health conditions that leave her feeling exhausted and in pain. Just because having children is harder for some people than others doesn't mean they just don't do it. Good luck OP in completing your family ❤️

Hi OP, I don't think the previous replies have been very helpful, when I first read your post I assumed that perhaps you meant your libido has been affected. I think we can all sometimes say we feel 'too tired' when it's actually the prospect of summoning 'the mood' on demand that feels too much. That doesn't mean we cant handle having a baby. They're totally separate things.

Anyway, as long as your DH is definitely on board with having another child, I'd just be frank about the fact you aren't getting any younger and to give a better chance of getting pregnant, you could do at least one round of insemination alongside DTD in your fertile window to try and take the pressure off both of you.

There's a thread on her about home insemination and from what I've read, some people have bought kits and some people get inventive with bits they have at home already.

How about weekend mornings? Afternoon delight?

I’d just have sex in the mornings, rather than leaping straight to turkey-baster territory.

OP, head over to speak to us on the home insemination thread 😊
lots of us in a similar bit and doing SI for various reasons.

I don't have any advice sadly but I cannot believe the amount of unhelpful posts I've read that don't even answer your question. Glad to see others have been more supportive. Hopefully you'll get some good advice on the board curlywurly suggested. Good luck 🙂