Ttc for 10 months (11 months since miscarriage)

[Polkadots458]

Hello,

Im just looking for stories or anyone in the same boat really.
I had a baby in 2020, very luckily conceived in the first month. I then got pregnant in February 2023 but miscarried at 8/9 weeks, conceived in the second month.

We have now been actively ttc for 10 months and apart from a possible chemical in August, there has been nothing. It’s really starting to affect my mental health - it’s all I think about and every month that goes by hurts a little bit more than the last because the age gap is getting big. I’m also an anxious person and constantly think what if something is wrong.
I’ve had basic hormone blood tests which were all fine. I ovulate at the same time every month, and have very regular periods. We are both 28.

I just don’t understand why we conceived twice quickly and now….
Obviously the only change is that I wasn’t actually too worried the first two times about getting pregnant - it happened quickly so there was no anxiety involved with that part. However, since my miscarriage I’ve just been desperate to get pregnant.
We are obviously also a little older but still under 30 so would think that shouldn’t hopefully be an issue.

Its just so hard.
Thanks so much in advance for anybody that reads 🙏🏻

I know how it feels. TTC for 10 months for #1, so hint of a bfp at all! It’s so hard each month and I don’t know how to just relax and it’ll happen🥰

@LimeEagle Exactly that. I’m so sorry that it’s taking a little time for you too. Everybody tells me to relax or forget about it and it’ll happen… but how do I forget about it! 😂

I've been in the same boat with the impact on my mental health.
We've been TTC #1 for 3 years now. I'm 32 next month, DH is 34. I do have PCOS and had a few cycles taking letrozole in 2022, I did get pregnant but it ended in an early miscarriage in July 2022. I got obsessed with tracking everything, taking every supplement going and the disappointment each month when it hadn't worked was crippling at times. I spent a long time hating my body for not making it easy like it seemed to be for everyone else.
We decided to take a break from 'properly trying' for a few months; bought a puppy, got married and we're now back to trying again with letrozole. Currently 5DPO on cycle 2 🤞🤞

The whole 'forget about it' is total rubbish!! I still track every month, I still start testing early because it helps me deal with the disappointment and I still check my apps every day just to double check my DPO hasn't changed 🫣
But I'm trying to remain a bit more positive about it all and stop focusing on the ideal timing or my age or life plan that I had in my head a few years ago and how it isn't going to plan. But also accepted that's it okay to feel miserable sometimes, TTC is so hard and nothing like they told us at school 🙄
It will happen, just not quite how we thought it would! Sending you lots of virtual hugs 🥰

i'm so glad i found this thread, i'm in the same boat as you all, i'm so sorry you've all had the same struggles as me!
i've been trying since Jan 2023, i had a super early miscarriage straight away in jan and then another one in June at 7 weeks. i had a really hard time with the second one and fell into a deep depression for a while. I'm doing much better now but TTC is so hard! I'm convinced i have some kind of luteal phase problem but the docs think i'm just stressing too much and it will happen when i 'relax' which is not at all helpful.
i've actually stopped with the OPKs as they were making me stressed, and I've only ever got pregnant when I'm not doing them, but I do still get ovulation pains and focus on that week. I've started acupuncture which i thought would help, but my latest luteal phase is the shortest ever so god knows whats happening in there 😅

i completely get what you mean about the frustration with your body. sometimes I just think whyyyy is this happening when others get pregnant so easily, or at least after a few months. but we will be so grateful and happy when we have our babies in our arms one day.

@Loz365 i haven't heard of letrozole, what is that? I've wondered if I have PCOS but my tests all came back 'normal'

wishing you all luck this cycle!

@Polkadots458 I'm sorry for your loss, it's so hard! I'm cycle 7 since my most recent loss TTC No1. It feels so deeply unfair how some people can get pregnant easily and keep them, and I'm sat here on 4 years of trying, 2 MMCs and a chemical! Try to keep doing things you enjoy, and making the most out of the rest of life so that you don't end up putting everything on pause and missing out on the good things whilst TTC.

@chutney1 So sorry you’re in the same boat.
I was looking at fertility acupuncture - is it something you think is helpful? I wonder if it will help me relax a bit more.

@Polkadots458 I had acupuncture after the miscarriage last year to try and get my cycles back on track asap (as I'm not getting any younger). I immediately went back to 28 day cycles, ovulating on day 14 and I do credit a lot of that to the acupuncture. Unfortunately it's just cost prohibitive for me to do it every month for an indefinite period.

If you want relaxation I highly recommend fertility reflexology - I get so relaxed I all but fall asleep during sessions 😂 found it much more instantly relaxing than the acupuncture but both helped my moods and sleep. I will be looking to go back to reflexology in the next few months if I don't fall pregnant by summer.

Sorry for your loss OP.

Nothing helped for me - I tried all the potions and lotions! I was just about to explore IVF.

We took a month off TTC whilst we moved house, and hey presto! First baby took 4 months, and second took 10 months. I have heard it said so many times: stop trying, relax, maybe even have a bit of wine, and have sex because you really want to, not because it’s the right time.

I’m 32 and I had no chill whatsoever when it came to conceiving, no wonder it didn’t work when I was obsessively testing etc. If I were you, as you’re young and have conceived naturally before, I’d put ttc on the back burner and focus on enjoying sex and intimacy for a few months. Maybe get some books with new ideas to try, and plan some date nights. Good luck to you

Any updates OP? Xx

@OneHeapedTeaspoonOfSugar
Yes, I’m nearly 20 weeks pregnant now. It took 15 months in the end but we got there and are over the moon :). Good luck to all who are trying, it was the hardest time.

Oh congratulations I’m so pleased for you!! ☺️
Was there anything you did differently the cycle you conceived, or anything you would recommend trying? Xx

@OneHeapedTeaspoonOfSugar The only thing that was different over that month, was that I upped my calories - ate whatever I wanted too. I’ve no idea if that made a difference or not but previously to that, I was really careful with my diet - not exceeding daily calories etc. Everything else was pretty much the same! Sending you loads of luck xx

@OneHeapedTeaspoonOfSugar I also managed to get pregnant and I'm due soon - just got this update from ages ago.
I used soy isoflavones just after my last message on here and it worked for me first time - I would definitely recommend it if you want to try, it's known as 'natures clomid' as it helps boost your ovulation for a really healthy egg. Happy to share any more info if you're interested :) xx

Thank you for replying and congratulations!! That’s incredible and I’m so happy to hear that 🥰
would love to know more about soy isoflavands? I am on ovulation induction for PCOS anyway so would it be suitable for me? Xx

It’s always hard and the journey isn’t the same for everyone. I would just say a couple of things as our stories sound similar.

You aren’t old. 28 isn’t old. That kinda insulting to those trying to get pregnant much older than you but I know you didn’t mean it that way.

Secondary infertility is a real thing - it doesn’t mean it applies to you but every pregnancy is different and difficulties can happen at any time even though you have children already.

10 months isn’t actually that long but I know it feels super long when you are in it. Maybe you fell easily before and it feels too long this time? At your age I don’t think doctors will even consider any treatment until 12 months of trying.

I think because it was ‘easy’ for you the first two times you wrongly (but with good reason) assumed it would be the same this time. There is a serious and very worrying misconception that falling pregnant should only take a couple of months. There are many women (including myself) that too over 18 months for each pregnancy with ‘nothing wrong’.

You have no reason to believe that anything is wrong. It’s unfortunately like flipping the world’s worst coin every month. Every month there is like a 25% chance every month under 30. So, in the last 10 months you ‘could’ have only fallen (or pest maths ever) about twice. Again that coin. Flip it twice and see if it’s the same side…..

You got really really lucky both times before and it’s taking a bit longer this time. It’s fine, relax and enjoy the journey until there may be a problem (which again there isn’t any evidence about).

I know this wage a long time ago but wondered how you got on? I think I have short leutal ohaee