Donor sperm

[Lcm11]

Hi everyone,

We found out last year that DH has azoospermia - basically zero sperm. We took some time out to process this and think about what we wanted to do next.

We are leaning towards IVF with donor sperm but we have so many questions, mainly around the negative impact (if any) this could have on our child, if we were lucky enough to conceive. We definitely want to be honest with the child from a young age but I was wondering if anyone who has had a baby with donor sperm might be willing to share their experience and also any resources that might be helpful. Is there any kind of support group where we could speak to couples who have been through similar? It would help us millions.

Thank you. X

I haven’t any personal experience of this but have just listened to a podcast series called “You look like me” from the experiences of donor conceived children, parents and donors. Might be useful for you.

Is there any kind of support group where we could speak to couples who have been through similar?

A quick Google would have taken you to the Donor Conception Network.

I've signed up to the Donor Conception Network. Looking for additional groups and resources - can never have too many. No need for the sarcy comment.

My DC all conceived through donor sperm (now adults) due to now xh having azoopermia. Didn’t require IVF though and procedure was ICI (sperm put at cervix) rather than ICU.
We told them how they were conceived. Mixture of donors, this was pre 2005 when anonymity was removed from donors.

There was no choosing from catalogues (a TV thing which used to annoy me at time).

Also no support groups but things have probably changed from the days of early internet!

Wishing you lots of luck. If you need any other help, let me know!

Amazing thanks @gerispringer I'll give that a listen next week!

@Einevinefine thank you so much for commenting. So glad to hear everything worked out for you. Was it ever a cause of stress or upset for your DC? Or was it just their normal because they knew about it from a young age? And also, did you tell family and friends from the start?

Hello @Lcm11 @Einevinefine

Hope you’re doing ok as can be! I am also in the same boat sadly. My husband had his Mtese last week after a failed tese earlier this year but it was unsuccessful! I am truly devastated. We have no answers as 4 years of tests and procedures! It feels so final! My husband has said he wants to proceed with donor sperm which is amazing I just feel like I’m grieving all over again. First it was grieving the chance to conceive naturally, now it’s the loss of not being able to have his child.

How is your partner coping with it all? Mine isn't really talking (never been a big talker anyway) but he's also the type of person that lives life by not worrying about things out of his control which in some ways I wish I could live like that.

So I guess next steps… have you started the process? How did you choose? Will you tell your child if successful about it all? Like you, I have so many questions and my mind is going 100mph!

Have you told people about it? My husband wants to keep it secret at the minute until we get further in the process but I’m finding it hard keeping it from my family who knows everything up until now as we’re super close!

Hi @RubyStar22 I'm so sorry the mtese wasn't successful. It's good news that your partner is happy to move forward with DS.

Our partners sound very similar, my husband also isn't much of a talker. But he has coped well with it all things considered. The Male Fertility Podcast really helped him. We also joined the Donor Conception Network and had an introduction call with a man who has a DC daughter with his wife and that made us feel so much better.

We have chosen our donor now and I've just started cycle 1 of IVF (can't believe it)! Choosing the donor is quite a surreal experience. I let my husband take the lead with it as I really wanted him to feel involved and comfortable with it. The most important thing for us is that they had roughly the same characteristics as my husband and seemed kind in their good will letter.

We've told our parents, and some of my close friends know as like you, I really needed to talk about it to help me process it and decide if it was the right path for us. My husband recently told a couple of his best friends and that was quite a big step for him. I'd wanted him to do this for a while as I knew it would help but I didn't want to rush him.

Yes we will 100% tell the child if our IVF is successful. Donor Conception Network have age appropriate books to help explain it to children. I think it's really important they know about their background.

Hope this helps. I'm always happy to chat as I know how overwhelming it can be. We are now at a stage where we are feeling at peace with it all, and very excited about the future. It didn't seem like we would get here but it happened! Xx

Also I would really recommend following knackered_knackers on IG. Shaun has azoospermia and had DC twins with his wife, their story & approach to donor conception is amazing!