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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Ttc other half not motivated

13 replies

Sbella13 · 09/02/2024 21:36

I feel sort of selfish putting this post out there but just wanting to know if anyone else is in the same boat so here goes…..

Does anyone else feel guilty of ‘forcing’ sex upon their partner during ovulation? Mine seems so unmotivated as much as he’s reassured me he really wants children and has pushed for us to ttc. As soon as I tell him it’s time to dtd he seems totally uninterested and it makes me a little angry inside because why!??

I would do/give anything to be pregnant but doesn’t seem like he has the same mentality.

Sorry to vent but looking for some reassurance that I’m not entirely alone because this journey of ttc is lonely enough at the best of times 🥹😤😅

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 09/02/2024 21:38

I never told DH I was ovulating, I just made a move!

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 09/02/2024 21:40

I wouldn't particularly be turned on if my partner told me they are ovluating and we had to have sex there and then either. Not exactly the language of love.

Essie274 · 09/02/2024 21:40

Some people find the pressure of sex during ovulation really overwhelming when TTC (I did!). If it had been the other way around and DH could have known when I was ovulating and not told me that would have been brilliant.

As PP has said, don't even say that you're ovulating - just initiate sex.

Original poster
Sbella13 · 09/02/2024 21:40

DustyLee123 · 09/02/2024 21:38

I never told DH I was ovulating, I just made a move!

Maybe this is where I’ve gone wrong. I just don’t know anymore 😂 we have to be accountable for what we want in life and right now we’re not going to get that bfp because of his negative reaction to ovulation time 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Sbella13 · 09/02/2024 21:42

Thanks for the advice both @Essie274 @MeMyBooksAndMyCats I will definitely be taking a more relaxed approach as of now

OP posts:
AnotherDelphinium · 09/02/2024 21:43

Don’t tell him your ovulating, make a move on him, try and add it in once when you’re not because men aren’t that clever 😂
Men generally just don’t get the whole TTC thing!

Lavender2021 · 09/02/2024 21:43

Just enjoy the sex at all times of the month and don't worry about the correct date to do it. Be spontaneous and make it fun not like a booked science project!
It's a chance not to worry about get pregnant and having fun.

CutsOffs · 09/02/2024 21:47

Do you not just have sex regardless of which time of the month it is? I think it would be weird/off putting to hear it’s ‘time to have sex’ because you’re ovulating. You should be having sex because you’re attracted to each other and feel like having sex. You’re making it all about making a baby which is weird and will mess your relationship up.

emmatcc1 · 09/02/2024 22:28

I always told my partner because it takes two to conceive and if I know I’m ovulating then he should too. I don’t understand why it would be such a pressure he knows the time to conceive each month is limited and he should be aware when that window is. We do have sex regularly so there were months when I didn’t need to tell him but he still knows my cycle pattern and sometimes even asked if I ovulated yet. Not telling him is like doing a two person job and expecting the other person to know what to do without instructions. Have a talk with him and tell him what’s bothering you, he should be involved in everything not just when it’s time to dtd.

CoolSummer89 · 10/02/2024 08:25

For other people reading this there is no ‘should’ in people’s sex lives. Everyone is different and has different priorities, abilities and… appetites.

A few years ago my DH had some mental health problems which affected his ability down there. Obviously incredibly upsetting for him and knocked both our confidence. Because I was thinking I must be so undesirable etc etc.

Then followed a very unhappy time where we put pressure on our relationship thinking that this thing should come naturally and we shouldn’t have to work on it at all. Which made the problem a lot worse.

He hasn’t had any performance issues for a while but he does still worry about it. After much soul searching we decided that what would make time specifically for DTD, this way no one is worried about being rejected.

So for us TTC has been great as we have to make time. Some people might think only spontaneity can be romantic, but I would say is a fancy dinner any less romantic because it’s planned?

This doesn’t sound like what your issue is @Sbella13. I think it’s time for a heart to heart.

If he is usually the one to initiate, then he might not like that there is now a schedule. But as @emmatcc1 said it shouldn’t all be on you to find a time that works. Because you will end up feeling upset and anxious thinking that you have missed the right opportunity - and alone in that worry. Try and find an arrangement that will work for both of you.

Best of luck, relationships can and will be tough at times. It might take a few conversations to work it through.

HoppingPavlova · 10/02/2024 08:30

I thought you were just meant to have sex every second day if trying to conceive?

Original poster
Sbella13 · 10/02/2024 15:48

CoolSummer89 · 10/02/2024 08:25

For other people reading this there is no ‘should’ in people’s sex lives. Everyone is different and has different priorities, abilities and… appetites.

A few years ago my DH had some mental health problems which affected his ability down there. Obviously incredibly upsetting for him and knocked both our confidence. Because I was thinking I must be so undesirable etc etc.

Then followed a very unhappy time where we put pressure on our relationship thinking that this thing should come naturally and we shouldn’t have to work on it at all. Which made the problem a lot worse.

He hasn’t had any performance issues for a while but he does still worry about it. After much soul searching we decided that what would make time specifically for DTD, this way no one is worried about being rejected.

So for us TTC has been great as we have to make time. Some people might think only spontaneity can be romantic, but I would say is a fancy dinner any less romantic because it’s planned?

This doesn’t sound like what your issue is @Sbella13. I think it’s time for a heart to heart.

If he is usually the one to initiate, then he might not like that there is now a schedule. But as @emmatcc1 said it shouldn’t all be on you to find a time that works. Because you will end up feeling upset and anxious thinking that you have missed the right opportunity - and alone in that worry. Try and find an arrangement that will work for both of you.

Best of luck, relationships can and will be tough at times. It might take a few conversations to work it through.

Oh wow what a response. Thankyou so much for sharing and your honesty. I couldn’t agree more with you. I will definitely have a chat with him and see if we can come out of it with positivity 😊

There are lots of people who are either judgemental or forceful with their opinions which isn’t going to help. But you hit the nail on the head perfectly so thankyou!

OP posts:
moosey89 · 10/02/2024 17:11

@Sbella13 I agree with @CoolSummer89 - every couple works differently, reacts differently to situations, has different sexual appetites. Do what works for you both, there's no right way. My other half has issues finishing from sex (a lifelong issue not just from TTC!) so we do home artificial insemination. We're also just not a heavily sexually active couple so even without the issues TTC wouldn't be as simple as "just dtd all the time" because that's just not how we work.
I also had a horrible time TTC with my ex (2.5 years and then lost the pregnancy at 11 weeks) and our intimacy was completely destroyed. It's such a difficult time in so many ways. Not everyone finds having sex all the time fun or possible especially if TTC turns out to take longer than expected!

Hopefully you and your other half can have an honest discussion and find a solution that works for you 😊

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