TTC - husband can’t get or keep erection. I’m 38.

[KinderEggg]

When we are not TTC my husband is fine, able to have sex most days.

As soon as it’s TTC time, he can’t turned on or keep an erection.

we gave ourselves a few months and he was fine - used condoms so he knew we weren’t TTC. Now TTC again and he’s got issues again and it’s going to be another wasted month. I don’t tell him anything but because we are not using condoms etc he just knows.
I am 38 and ideally want to be pregnant before I turn 39

What can I do?

Viagra???

It reads as if you're using condoms during the non fertile period which makes absolutely no sense.

Have you stopped using condoms altogether? If you haven’t you should then he won’t know when you’re fertile

Does he truly want to conceive? It sounds like he may be having inner doubts?

You state your age, how old is he?

How old is he? Does he want a baby?

Sorry we used condoms in my fertile window when we had a break to see if the issue was TTc sex - it was. We had sex regularly. As soon as we have stopped using condoms - to TTC, he can’t perform.

He really wants a baby. That’s the problem. He was the same with our first child. But miraculously that one time he was able to finish, I got pregnant.

When I’m on the pill or using condoms, we can have sex regularly, even twice a day.

We went away last month and I was ovulating and we had sex and he relaxed but I didn’t get pregnant.

He works from home in a stressful job.

He’s turned 40.

@KinderEggg tell him you’re going back on the pill for a few months to give you both a break from worrying about it but don’t take them 🤷🏻‍♀️ don’t use condoms & he will destress about the situation because he won’t feel like he is under pressure to perform 👌🏼

That won’t work unfortunately as he knows I won’t take the pill due to my age and wanting to get pregnant and I always said I wouldn’t ever go back in the pill so he’ll know I’m lying.

@KinderEggg pin holes in the condoms 🤔

@KinderEggg what about the “turkey basting” method? You can buy kits for it

@KinderEggg home artificial insemination. If the issue is performance pressure and not medical it'll take the pressure off him and you'll be able to make sure you actually get the sperm you need during fertile window and then you can go back to enjoying sex at other times of the month!

Alcohol will help if sooth nerves, if you don't drink then viagra.

Not asserting this is you, but often when we are TTC we take a very transactional approach to sex that doesn't necessarily get the blood flowing in men.

Consider if you're approach gives seduction and impression that you truly desire pleasurable sex with him, vs just wanting his seeds.

Try IUI if you can afford to. Clinics I've looked at do it for around £700-£900. One of the reasons it's offered is male issues like this.

Viagra sounds like a great solution as others have suggested.

@KinderEggg I am so sorry to hear about all of this. My husband is the same, as soon as we are trying he freezes up and yet he is the one who is desperate for another child. I feel he puts himself under so much pressure and then it eats away at him as he cant perform, which makes it a vicious circle. We have had to do IUI as i am not ovulating naturally and even when we were told to DTD the night after the IUI it was the same situation. I have not made a big deal out of it as I didn't want to make him feel worse. My friend who is a psychologist said some men are under so much pressure making them overthink and can not perform. We did have tests done and he has very low Testosterone but we were warned not to take anything as this will lower sperm count. He did say when it is on a clock it just kills it for him so perhaps don't mention when your fertile days are and just say let's just enjoy sex ? I am not sure if this helps , I am sure you have thought of this. There are also a few herbal remedies you can try for him before viagra. X

Sounds like sex may have become pressured, functional and boring for him. Along with naturally declining testosterone, it's a heady mix of the unerotic.

I take it he's well and been checked over by GP, blood pressure/diabetea etc.?

If it's purely psychological, then viagra or similar may be suitable here.

Hi. My husband is simular. I want to dtd every other day for best chance but this is just too mutch for him. Hes ok for the first time but any time after that is just too mutch. We have used viagra in the past and it does work but don't really want to while ttc we want everything to feel natural If that makes sense. I'm going to try dtd a couple of times during furtile window with days off inbetween and hope that works. Sometimes it's the pressure of having to dtd so often. It feels like a chore.

This really sounds like pressure ED, not a general attraction problem. The fact that he is fine when sex is just sex and then struggles when it becomes TTC time is kind of the giveaway. Once it starts feeling scheduled and high stakes, some men just mentally lock up. I would stop treating fertile days like a performance window and make it less obvious when possible. Less countdown energy, less focus on the exact moment, less sense that this month is everything. You could also take some pressure off intercourse itself and speak to a fertility doctor sooner rather than later given your age, because timed sex month after month can make the whole thing worse.

There are practical treatment options for erection support too, and a general treatment guide (www.crossroadspharm.com/guide) may help, but the main issue here sounds like pressure getting into his head.❤

This thread is more than 2 years old