TTC Loneliness

[LizzieLJ]

I’m 41, nearly 42 and TTC (I know, age is against me!). My DH, he’s 33, says he wants a baby, but had never thought about it until I raised the subject. He never talks about it unless I start a conversation. He has no comprehension of the emotional rollercoaster I’m on. I’ve tried to talk to my mum, but she just keeps telling me I’m probably going to hit the menopause soon. My best friend has always known she never wants children & doesn’t understand my longing. I’m feeling so lonely

I worked for someone that had a baby @ 45

People do have babies 40.- 44 ish

Have you had hormone and fertility testing ?
I highly recommend hertility health

Are you healthy etc ?

Sending all the luck

Thanks for your reply 😊. I’m pretty healthy, eat well, exercise most days, don’t smoke & drink just occasionally. I’ve done ovulation tests and all is ok on that front. I’ll take a look at hertility though.

Hi OP.

Yes, it is a very, very lonely place. I’ve been there, twice. DH’s can often not be too fussed about having a DC, whilst for us it’s a crushing feeling.

All I can say is that yes, it’s damn lonely, but the flip side is that when it happens to you, and it will, someday soon, that loneliness will lift and you’ll be rewarded with a precious baby, somewhat all to yourself as you nurture it in your body.

Keep your focus on your end goal. It’s hell on earth. You need to remember that it could take a while, you may have to beg, borrow and steal to get there, but it’ll be worth it, and you’ll look back and think this hard time was worth it.

Lots of love and luck to you X

Thank you for taking time to reply, you give me hope and focus. It’s such a hard time and sometimes we need another woman to say “I hear you, you’re not alone, things will get better”. 💞

They will my love. It took me 3 years to conceive child no1, and 2 for the second. It was hell. You definitely are NOT alone.

One great bit of advice I was given by my mum was “ when you are backed into a corner, do what you can do, prepare what you can for when that door opens, and you can run through it”.

Find some things to do, some mini projects that will keep you busy and that you will benefit from when you have your baby. E.g. Does that bathroom need painting? You won’t have time later. Get super fit so you can keep fit during pregnancy and that will hugely benefit you and baby. Have a clear out. Also, take care of your MH now. Take up yoga, meditation.

When I said beg, borrow and steal. I was referring to DP. My DH hated having to perform to ovulation times. Poor him 😞 🤨 I kept fertility info on a need to know basis, and just pounced when I needed him 😜 It was something that I very much shouldered alone. I didn’t get much support from him at all. I knew that though, and just had to get on with it. I wanted a baby more than anything. Some of my friends had 3 DC before I got 1.

I now see this time as a gift. It made me stronger as a person. I am a better mother for it because I had to battle hard to get my 2 gorgeous DC.

Let us know how you go X

It would be a good idea to get a fertility check. I highly doubt you are perimenopausal. I’m 50+ and still not menopausal.

It would be good to find out now, rather than after a year, if you have anything working against you. For example, I have PCOS so my ovulation is around day 13/14, but my cycle is 21-23 days, so my luteal phase for implantation is too short. You can go round in circles not knowing this, but a check up would highlight it. Once I knew this, and addressed it, I got pregnant with DC1 on the next month.

Thank you so much, I’ll channel that frustration into good, productive energy that my future self will thank me for. Really appreciate your words. I hope 2024 is very good to you xx

Hi OP, I am TTC my second, 3 months in and am feeling lonely too. My husband is amazing but doesn’t understand the emotional toll it can take on you. I don’t really feel I can talk to anyone in my life for fear of boring them to death. I know 3 months isn’t a long time but I am a worrier! Here for a chat xx

Nice to hear from you! I don’t have any friends in the same position, so it’s good to have understanding online buddies, helps to realise we aren’t alone 💖

Same same - started trying in sept and really thought would be pregnant now! My first was conceived on first month trying - my husband thinks I am crazy for worrying so much! Almost at the exact time started trying my periods have gone crazy and it’s proving difficult to track!

And today I got my BFP! Stay positive ladies & much love to you all

Amazing
Congrats

Wahey, congratulations! How long were you trying for?

Since July 2023, though I am 42, so fingers crossed this little bun cooks well & is healthy 💓