35 and feeling alone and fed up

[Pinkmoon23]

Hi everyone, sorry for the sad title, I guess I'm just looking for a safe place to vent because I'm finding ttc so emotionally draining. I'm 11dpo and got a negative frer this morning. We've been trying since March, TW below

I also had a miscarriage back in July 😔

I'm just looking for some people who are also struggling on this journey in similar situations or some success stories to boost my hope back up. It'd be really nice to have some people to speak to because two of my closest best friends are pregnant and they got pregnant the first month trying, without even tracking ovulation. I'm really pleased for them but it's also a very lonely and sad place to be in feeling like this. I feel like I'm not good enough and my body is failing me 😥.

This month I stopped drinking anything, I stopped hot baths, we had SO much sex (followed the sperm meets egg plan but didn't manage on the day of ovulation or after) it was exhausting haha. I took my prenatal everyday, I ate really well. I temped. But no, again we've not managed.

The hope each cycle, followed by testing and squinting at the tests under different lights, followed by the googling "bfn 11dpo bfp 12dpo" etc. Then the crushing realisation that yet another month has passed getting my period, and I'm not pregnant. I'm getting more and more worried because I'm 35 too and time is not on my side. (I've been trying to find more modern research about this because a lot of the research for 35+ trying to conceive is outdated). I also have thyroid issues and am slightly underweight (combined genetics and thyroid) - I've got regular cycles and never missed a period.

Thank you if you made it this far ❤️

I can imagine how you feel, this battle to become a parent is exhausting. I know that feeling of injustice, of guilt, of telling ourselves that our body or mind isn't good enough. But it's not. Some people are just luckier than others when it comes to these things. We deserve to be parents just as much as everyone else, and we're precious, courageous people. Don't hesitate to talk to a health professional who can understand your feelings. You're not alone, thousands of women are taking ovulation or pregnancy tests every day, or whatever cross-shaped abdominal massage or prayer to be lucky. Don't give up hope.

@Pinkmoon23 I'm so sorry for your loss - I had my most recent miscarriage in July too, I'm also 35 in Feb and seemingly surrounded by people who have all got pregnant within a couple of months and not had any losses. Just know you're not alone, and there's always people on here that will understand xx

This month I stopped drinking anything, I stopped hot baths, we had SO much sex (followed the sperm meets egg plan but didn't manage on the day of ovulation or after) it was exhausting haha. I took my prenatal everyday, I ate really well. I temped. But no, again we've not managed.

Possibly a silly question, but have you also used LH tests? And have you considered going for a fertility MOT

Hi there, yeah we've been using LH tests for months now. This month I used both the clearblue digi smiley ones and the easy@home strips! Yeah I think that'll be the next step if we aren't successful next month. I'm considering getting some acupuncture and trying vitex this month... Trying everything really.

Hi OP, this sounds like a really hard time. Have you and your DP/DH considered getting some fertility tests done? If you had the funds to go private I’d really recommend it. It may show no issues at all or it may flag something that could be helpful to know. Sending lots of love. Just to reassure that a lot of my friends had their first babies at 35+, it is not uncommon at all in modern day and indeed my friends who suffered most with fertility issues were all quite young so it’s not a given at any age.

I also found the traditional ovulation sticks better than the digital ones. I got a few packs from Boots and they’re very cheap

@moosey89 thanks for your message and I'm so sorry to hear about your loss too ❤️. It's so difficult isn't it. Especially when everyone around you seems to get pregnant so easily without even trying! Are you trying at the moment? I'll be on CD 1 in a few days (unless I miraculously get a late BFP) x

@Internette thank you for your reply ❤️ really appreciate the support I already feel less alone.

@MummyJ36 thank you for your message too, it's really appreciated. It's so hard when you only have close friends who are either pregnant, or aren't trying. It's a strange in-between to feel quite alone in. That's comforting to know about your friends who are 35 too. The information about being 35 is all so doomed (and surely outdated) out there! I think if we don't manage next month we will go for tests as time is of the essence.

@Pinkmoon23 it's so hard! My boyfriend's sister in law is due in the next 2 weeks, only 4 weeks ahead of where I should have been, so trying to prepare for that. This is her second, no losses, and easy conception both times.

After my first loss in 2019 my sister in law got pregnant 5 months later, first month of trying (well, not even trying, they were on a "final piss up holiday" before starting trying and ta da!)

Yeah we've been trying since the loss, so 5 cycles down so far. Tested bfn today (wanted to test before drinking tonight, usually don't test and just let AF arrive! CD1 should be in the next couple of days). Took 6 months to conceive the one we lost in July so part of me is hopeful for next cycle as that would be 6 months of trying since that loss, but I hate getting hopes up because then it hurts more when it doesn't happen.

It feels so lonely to go through the negative tests each month. It consumed all my thoughts. Really feel for you OP, and so sorry for your loss in July.

It took 10 months to conceive my DD. It felt like forever at the time. Once trying again for a sibling, it took another 12 months for the BFP to end in a missed miscarriage around 10 weeks. Crushing at the time. Then another 12 months of trying until the next BFP, also ending in early miscarriage. We tried for a few more months, maybe 6 months, then we had the discussion that we couldn’t carry on trying much more. It took over our whole life. We had sex once that month, no idea when in my cycle, we knew we couldn’t try that month as it would mean we would miss a relatives wedding. It happened that month. He’s our DS. I think about the babies we lost, due dates were difficult and one of our angel babies would be at school now.

Wishing you the very best OP xxxx

I am aged 34 and a half with 35 looming also. I have been ttc now for 16 months and not a single positive test..
Had a cry yesterday after negative test at 13 dpo and seeing couple of pregnancy announcements on social media to top it off. 🙁have a hycosy due in January and hoping results will be ok and boost my fertility.
Here's to hoping 2024 is better for us.. I always make a new years' wish on new years eve.

@Pinkmoon23 don't feel discouraged. It can take a while even for healthy couples with no fertility issues. The fertility decline is gradual as you age. There's no cliff.
I'm in a group of over 35s on here and many have went on to achieve a pregnancy.
I struggled for many years, we both have fertility issues and needed ivf (icsi) . I'm currently 12 weeks. It worked on our first round and I'm 38