Help...

[Worriemumma]

Hi Everyone,

looking for some advice, and I thought perhaps some of you may have been in this situation before. Firstly, this is NOT me needing to examine my relationship. I love and adore my husband completely. He is the best human in the world, so funny, so kind, so sweet. We have a great partnership and he is an amazing dad to our DC. Here's the problem - we are both absolutely desperate for another baby and are planning to start trying for our second in a few days when I'm ovulating, (though it took us a year to conceive our first and we had a MC along the way so are prepared for things to be tough). The trouble is, we are both so chronically exhausted that our sex drives are non existent, I need all your tips on how to get our libidos up so that we can actually make this baby! We've had a lot of stressors - our first DC had a very traumatic start to life and has very complex medical needs, we've just moved house, we both have quite stressful jobs etc etc. we love each other so much and so want another baby, but right now I think it'd be easier to climb Everest than strip off and get down to it. My poor DH had ED when we tried to conceive our first as the pressure became so immense, I'm desperate to avoid that this time round. I'm planning on going back to the gym and eating better again which I know will boost my energy levels a bit, but looking for all advice! Thanks so much x

Perhaps exclude him out of part of the process. TTC with immense intention takes the sexiness out of the process.

I would encourage to take his vitamin supplements, and an additional like Horny Goat Weed. Encourage routine exercise, even if it's just you guys going for a walk- helps libido.

When you're ovulating you're ovulating make it more of a seductive affair rather than - I'm about to release an, so release it swimmers. It took a year before, so just say you're taking a more casual approach cause you're expecting things to happen straight away.

Make sure he's not masturbating at all, so his drive isn't diminished.

That's my 2cents.

In a similar position to you, trying when you have a toddler is a completely different ballgame!
Is there anything you can do to temporarily reduce the stress in your lives? Get a cleaner every other week? Hello fresh or similar meal deliveries? Get a babysitter and have an evening out just the 2 of you?

Sorry to not have any ideas that are cost free,
Also getting in some exercise (even a 15 min brisk walk) is likely to improve your sleep quality and libido

@Worriemumma Hi! I'm on cycle 2 of trying for baby number two so just started ttc again.
I had quite a traumatic birth last time and it really put me off sex for a long time. We did it, just not very often and its still not how it was pre-baby. I had the same worries as you. I didn't want to track with opks initially as didn't want the pressure or to become consumed by it, but I also didn't want to jump straight into having loads of sex either! So actually using the opks meant we could time it over the fertile window more accurately. I thought it would make it unsexy being more planned but I think because I felt like it had more of a purpose (to make a baby!) it actually helped. Then this month even though its been timed, I feel like my libido has increased. It was getting over that initial hurdle that was hard!

You sound like you're doing all the right things. Try and plan some date nights in, even if it just means watching a film together and putting the phones away. How old is your DC?

@Worriemumma I might get judged for this, but I'm going to give my advice
My DP suffers chronically with anxiety & the pressure of being put on the spot to 'perform' makes him unable to & takes the sexiness out of sex at times.. which isn't enjoyable for either of us!
So we use a home insemination kit bought from amazon.. I've so far fell twice, unfortunately haven't had happy outcomes but I know the kit has worked to even fall! Don't get me wrong we do DTD as and when possible (we have a DD at 6!) But I do honestly feel it's put the fun & enjoyment back into sex when we are able to! It's not so much pressure for him either
I understand this won't suit everyone, but just a suggestion.. Hope you don't mind & think it's totally weird 🤣😊

Good luck 🥰

@LuceNumberTwo don't feel worried about what people think hun, what works for you is good enough without any justification needed. Well done you for being committed to your TTC journey & also the happiness of your relationship 👌🏼💕

Oh thank you all so much! These are genuinely really helpful ideas from everyone :) and I totally get what you mean @LuceNumberTwo about using an at home kit - TTC makes everything feel so clinical and just... well, like you're using each other for a means to an end? I don't know, I'm not wording it right, but you're so right that without pressure, fun and enjoyment can go back into sex! Thank you all :) going to definitely plan some date night! Our LO is 2, and thankfully a good sleeper but GO GO GO from Dawn til dusk!!

I'd echo the others who say don't tell your DH the ins and outs of when you're ovulating.....use OPKs if you need to but don't share that particular part of TTC. Granted, I realise that the random seduction is probably easier at the weekend/during holidays etc, but see how things go.

@Worriemumma Yes exactly that! You've hit the nail on the head.. But it's not for everyone & I understand that!
I hope whatever you try you get your BFP, we struggle to get to it with a 6 year old, so I can only imagine how much more time a 2 year old takes up 🤣
Good luck & baby dust 💖🥰

Heya lovely ladies. Been a wee while since I posted, but not long all things considered - I got a positive test today 🎉🎉🎉 so very very happy, thank you so much for all your positive words and advice xx