TTC is taking a while and I’m finding it hard not to be upset

[bestguess]

I have no idea why it’s not happening. I had a termination when we were younger after an unexpected pregnancy that can be attributed to literally one time - so conceived instantly that cycle of you want to view it that way.

Now me and DH are TTC and nothing is happening. Waiting for AF to arrive in the next couple of days and then on to cycle 4. I have scared myself with the statistics online. Out of all couples that will conceive naturally, 70% have after 3 months. I know it can take a year, but it was immediate before and now it’s not happened 3 times.

I’m worried I have PCOS or something underlying and that the pregnancy before could have been our only chance. We are only mid twenties but it’s a frightening thought, I’ve always longed to be a mummy and it’s not happening and it hurts.

I am sorry if this is offensive or tone deaf, I appreciate some people try for years. My difficulty is that I made a horrible choice thinking it was the best thing to do, and that could have been our one chance.

So far we’ve been using PreSeed and I have been tracking EWCM. My cycles are between 31-33 days and I think I ovulate circa 17-19 days, as that’s when the EWCM dries up. Sorry for TMI.

I have ordered some ovulation strips for next cycle. I wanted to avoid tracking but maybe I am getting the wrong days so far, who really knows.

I am really struggling not to think of it 24/7. There are lots of babies in the family and babies seem to be everywhere. There are so many pregnancy announcements on my social media and I think I’m going to have to come off it for a bit as it doesn’t make me feel good.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks so much x

I’m sorry but you really can’t say three months is a long time. I would suggest trying to relax as stress won’t help. I do recommend the clear blue digital sticks, expensive but have worked for me both times quickly.

I understand. As I’ve said though we conceived immediately before, so did most people in our family and friend group. Statistics wise, out of those who conceive naturally 7/10 will have done by 3 months. So it is a while, really, especially given our age being mid twenties

The stats you're referring to vary wildly based on age, demographics, ethnicities etc.

You mentioned you have a regular cycle, so doubtful you have PCOS. You have even conceived before without issue.

You haven't even used an ovulation strip before to determine if you have likely ovulated. Using ECWM is an incredibly flawed metric - especially as you can have it before or after ovulation. Egg is only availability to be fertilised within a 24-36hr window usually.

You have only been trying 3 months? So not even close to be being a fertility concern.

Pressed doesn't help sperm, if anything it make it worse.

I'm just saying what you've shared back to you with a bit more perspective. I think you have gotten into your own head. There's nothing you've stated that gives an indication that you should be concerned.

@bestguess loads of people will tell you to relax & that 3 months isn’t long enough to worry about & blablabla but it’s all relative to your own situation. No-one can tell you how you should feel or react. If trying for 3 months has made you really sad & feel jealous of everyone around you & worried then that’s ok, that you & that’s how you are dealing with this situation. Please don’t listen to people telling you how you “should” feel.
Anyway personally I think if you wanted to try & put your mind at rest go to a private fertility clinic & get a fertility MOT done, they cost about £400. This will flag up any potential issues with your uterus, ovaries & egg reserve. Start taking prenatal vitamins asap. For tracking order some clear blue digital 4 day opk’s. These are a bit expensive but much easier to deal with than than the cheap strips as they give you a flashing smily face when it detects your LH surge & then a static smiley when it detects your peak. If you can’t warrant the money for these the. Buy the easy@home strips as they seem the most reliable. Also buy an easy@home BBT thermometer from Amazon & start temping. Same time each morning as soon as you wake up before you sit up & record it on the fertility friend app. This will clearly show you when you have ovulated so you can understand your cycle. I have attached my last cycle to show you how the temp rises & drops etc. when you know your cycle you can look at you follicular phase & luteal phase & if your luteal phase is too sort there are extra vitamins you can take to lengthen it to give your body longer create the lining for implantation.
I think that would be a good start & would make you feel like you are doing something to help the situation.
Good luck hun 🍀x

@bestguess if you're worried, do what the pp has said and get a fertility mot done to give you some reassurance. 3 months is no time at all biologically speaking, and your family's speed of conception doesn't directly correlate to how long it'll take you as this can make you feel worse.
I was TTC with my ex for 2.5 years, got pregnant from a month where we had sex only once (sadly had an MMC). With my current partner we were TTC 6 months, sadly lost that one to MMC too. And I'm on month 5 of trying since (soon to head into month 6). I'm a bit older than you at 34 but all my tests are totally normal, including recurring miscarriage tests. Sometimes it just takes time for it to work.
You do need to let go of the idea that 3 months is a long time, it's not, even for fully healthy 20-something year olds. It's not that it "can" take a year, it's that it is considered perfectly normal to take a year. There's less than a 30% chance of getting pregnant each month and that's if you get all the timing right and everything else is spot on too. I know it's hard to "relax" and god knows I hate it when people say it to me, but there's a lot to be said for trying out coping mechanisms in case it does take a while as it can get upsetting and stressful.

Also - would echo another pp and say to use digital ovulation tests to actually pin point when you ovulate!

Hi OP!
I had a termination when I was young too (second time having sex and a broken condom/v unlucky) and when I started to TTC this year when I was ready to start a family it took a little longer than I thought and I went through all the similar emotions of ‘what if I have damaged myself’ or ‘what if that was my only hope and I ruined it?’, so I can relate to the anxiety that you feel. It’s completely normal.

I’m now 35, so probably a good bit older than you and it took 7months to conceive my first pregnancy this year (which sadly ended in miscarriage), I then fell pregnant again only two months later. So I’m trying to say that it’s kinda random! Try not to get too hung up on statistics.

Ovulation sticks are so useful, I found that before I used them I was a few days out and that can really make a difference.

As another author has suggested, you can get a private health MOT, but until it’s been a year and you have no concerning symptoms and regular periods your GP probably won’t intervene. Infertility can also be your partners issue so if something is going on it might be your partner and not you, I think this is why they say to wait a year because these things are complicated and can take time.

Try to hang in there. It might just be the right sperm and egg hasn’t met yet! X

Honestly 3mths is nothing

You have got preg before so know both your bits are both working as such

1-2yrs can be normal hence why doctors won't do any investigations till then unless much older

Again as you have got preg doctors May not be able to do much

It's just a time thing

I recommend these too! I fell first try, using these.

Hi OP

First of all your stats are off. I've attached a graph below which has the cumulative data too.

Secondly I could have written your post back in August. But here I am going into our 9th month TTC now. Emotionally it is killing me, I do understand.
I too had an abortion 8 years ago with the same partner, we're both healthy. I've charted my BBT for 3.5 years so know exactly when I ovulate. And yet still I'm not pregnant!

Yes it is hurting me, yes I feel down and I'm experiencing depressive symptoms because I feel frustrated at my body that it's not doing what I feel it should. Yes lots of my friends have got pregnant quickly and don't understand at all. But I also have friends who've lost babies and those who needed IVF.

The whole thing is unfair, there is no fairness in it. People who conceive first or second try are convinced it's something they did or took. It isn't it's just luck. At the moment you're not at the unlucky point, you're at the normal and healthy point.

My massive piece of advice is this - live your life like normal now. Drink, have fun, eat, go out and enjoy life because ive spent most of this year restricting myself, making myself feel worse and STILL don't have what i want.

Honestly, allow yourself to feel sad a few days a month and then pick yourself up and move on. Good luck 🤞🏼

Another person suggesting tracking ovulation, EWCM can only appear right before you ovulate in which case you would ideally have been having sex before that. Are you only having sex when you think you’re ovulating? It’s hard when ttc is the only focus but DH and I conceived when we just started having more sex more regularly throughout the month.

@bestguess It took me 17 cycles

@bestguess Hey, hope you don't mind me jumping on your post, but just wanted to say although it's 3 months that doesn't matter! What matters is as said above, this is how you feel & your feelings should be validated. I would like to think some comments are being made in reassuring you, rather than judemental, as everyone is clearly going through their own journey whether it be quick, easy, slow, hard, etc etc!!!
I can tell you, I had an abortion at 18.. A healthy DD 2017.. & 2023 has been the worst year I unexpectedly got pregnant back in May, which ended with a blighted ovum (the worst thing I've personally experienced).. in having that I realised another baby is something I really wanted.. 2 chemical pregnancies later here I am, still trying

So no I've not.been trying long either, but do I feel the same 101 things? Like am I being punished for having an abortion? For everytime I lose my temper with my DD? What's wrong with my body? So on so on, and it doesn't matter what someone says, nothing will dissuade your mind from how your feeling! A family member announced she was pregnant on facetime to me Christmas day, which led to me bursting into tears & having to come off the phone, in uncontrollable sobs!
So you are not alone 💖 the advice I can give is 100% get prenatals (I'm taking seven seas), you can ask your GP about bloods! I did & some of my levels were low so taking iron & folic acid supplements - you are allowed to ask for advice etc from a professional! Yes they might not refer you as a concern yet but they will help you! As said above 100% agree with digital clearblue 4 day tests! First time using this month 🤞 look after your own mental health sweet, seek some kind of counselling, etc if you feel it's all a bit too much. A new year's coming, & hopefully it's our year! The biggest loves to you 💖💖

Use ovulation tests, the apps to track your ovulation are not accurate. Also I used a menstrual cup to conceive our daughter and it happened straight away (might have been the cup, might not have been), but it's something for you to look into :)

I too had a termination in my early 20s. Then it took 5 more years before we had DD. Then we tried for 15 more years but no luck. Both had investigations but no issues other than one tube that was a bit blocked. Didn't want to go down other routes as felt lucky to have DD so that was that.
It was really hard at times so you have my every sympathy.