TTC - coping with Christmas

Outliers · 21/12/2023 16:32

Sorry for the disappointment.

2024 brings reason for renewed hope and optimism. You're still early in the journey - regardless your potential child wouldn't come in 24, just taking a little longer than expected.

Best of luck

Lucylaughing · 21/12/2023 16:57

It's a tough one, especially if people are asking you about it. We've been trying since March 2022. I think I was actually more upset last year than this year.
Things I'm doing:

eating and drinking whatever I feel like
having plenty of sleep and rest
spending quality time with people I love
not testing, not tracking OPKs etc
if anyone asks me questions about babies / trying I'm going to shut them down immediately and physically remove myself from the convo by getting another drink, going for a wee, nipping to help out in the kitchen etc
deleting social media on 23rd and not looking again until the New Year

Bex4567 · 21/12/2023 17:31

Sorry your struggling I too am on month 5 currently on the 2ww....sending u baby dust how old are you may I ask...your still early on in ya journey don't give up hope

MissEmily5 · 21/12/2023 18:41

@Hydrangea60
Totally understand how you feel! Sending you lots of comfort at this time of the year- it’s hard all year around but for some reason it does seem to amplify the longing/disappointment.

I’m due Christmas Eve and I’m certain AF will be arriving, it’ll be tough to put on a happy face as I’ll have people round for Christmas Eve and seeing family on Christmas Day and Boxing Day. My cousins also announced he and his wife is having their first baby (first month of trying!) so baby talk will be heavy! 😔

I haven’t got any advice I’m afraid but want you to know you’re not alone in how you’re feeling. Take care of yourself and do anything and everything that can make you feel better 💗

Original poster

Hydrangea60 · 21/12/2023 22:14

@Outliers thanks, that's a good way of looking at. I'll try and think of the new year as a fresh start.

@Lucylaughing that's really helpful, thanks. We're definitely going to stock up on wine and cheese! I think removing myself from any difficult conversations is a good idea too, it's not something I've found easy before but I think it's what I need at the moment.

@Bex4567 I'm 32 and my husband is 37. Thanks, best of luck to you too!

@MissEmily5 yes, I think this month has been the hardest. Thanks for your lovely words and I hope you feel better soon too 💗

Thanks for all your responses, it does help to make the whole process a bit less isolating. Sending you all the best for this month or January.

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Daisies12 · 22/12/2023 09:59

Yep it’s tough. I had a MC in summer and a few months into trying again. You really need to tell your family to stop asking that, if it bothers you. It’s really inappropriate and none of their business. Focus on what you can control - staying health, being active, take time for yourselves as a couple. I’ve just had zero expectations this Christmas - I am ambivalent about Christmas at the best of times (mostly just enjoy the break from work).

Longbarn5 · 22/12/2023 20:27

Hydrangea60 · 21/12/2023 15:03

I was just wondering if anyone had any advice for coping with TTC disappointment at Christmas? We're only 3 months in but I really thought this was our month and I've been so upset since AF arrived two days ago. I'm trying to stay positive but struggling to feel Christmassy now.

When we see family and friends they're always asking when we're going to have a baby (our friends with children all conceived first time) and I don't have the enthusiasm for these conversations anymore.

Is anyone else in the same situation?

Hi Hydrangea60,

A few words from me. Dont take too much note of those who say they conceived st first attempt. It does happen but some people just like to say they did (men in particular, need I say more!). However, most people take longer. The whole process of conception and pregnancy is a lot more complex than it seems and issues with conceiving, length of time to conceptiiom/miscarriage, etc, are still, very wrongly, very taboo subjects . All a bit like sex itself!!

The process of dividing cells and copying chromazones, implantation, etc, is far from simple and that is if egg and sperm quality are perfect quality in the first place, which quite often they are not.

Anyway, the upshot is that it often takes a few goes to get that PFP and you are, as someone has mentioned previously, not very far along in your attempts so I am as sure as I can be that it will happen for you, probably when you are least expecting it!

Keep trying, enjoy Christmas as a couple and think positively xx

Original poster

Hydrangea60 · 22/12/2023 20:45

Daisies12 · 22/12/2023 09:59

Yep it’s tough. I had a MC in summer and a few months into trying again. You really need to tell your family to stop asking that, if it bothers you. It’s really inappropriate and none of their business. Focus on what you can control - staying health, being active, take time for yourselves as a couple. I’ve just had zero expectations this Christmas - I am ambivalent about Christmas at the best of times (mostly just enjoy the break from work).

Edited

So sorry for your loss.

Yes, that's good advice, I think I need to start being more assertive. Focusing on what we can control is helpful, I definitely need to get out of my head a bit.

Wishing you all the best.

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Secondtimettc · 22/12/2023 20:56

I'm sure you know this but 3 months isn't long. You might have a lovely Christmas and a few drinks and then get a BFP in Jan. These things are not always in our control.

Your family and friends shouldn't be asking you or pressuring you. I would shut that right down! Not sure if it's because we have had some fertility issues and lots of our friends have but I'd never dream of asking or answering questions about children/ more children!

WeightoftheWorld · 22/12/2023 20:59

Honestly don't believe that everyone around you conceived first time, that would be some pretty fantastical odds! Conception is massively just chance so even when everything is 'right' conditions wise, conception is still always less likely than likely every month.

We conceived DC1 on cycle 5, DC2 on cycle 4 and we are just in cycle 5 now with ttc no.3. I think there needs to be more fertility awareness around so people don't go into ttc expecting it to be quick because just through sheer coincidence it often isn't. Personally we've always tried to be pretty relaxed about it all and I try to just busy myself with everything else going on so I'm not worrying about it. I think this time of year actually makes that easier for me because there's so much going on to distract me.

Wishing you a lovely Christmas and hope you get your positive sooner rather than later.

Original poster

Hydrangea60 · 22/12/2023 22:27

Longbarn5 · 22/12/2023 20:27

Hi Hydrangea60,

A few words from me. Dont take too much note of those who say they conceived st first attempt. It does happen but some people just like to say they did (men in particular, need I say more!). However, most people take longer. The whole process of conception and pregnancy is a lot more complex than it seems and issues with conceiving, length of time to conceptiiom/miscarriage, etc, are still, very wrongly, very taboo subjects . All a bit like sex itself!!

The process of dividing cells and copying chromazones, implantation, etc, is far from simple and that is if egg and sperm quality are perfect quality in the first place, which quite often they are not.

Anyway, the upshot is that it often takes a few goes to get that PFP and you are, as someone has mentioned previously, not very far along in your attempts so I am as sure as I can be that it will happen for you, probably when you are least expecting it!

Keep trying, enjoy Christmas as a couple and think positively xx

Show quote history

Thanks for your kind words. Yes, think we just need to be patient and give it more time. We'll see what the new year brings :)

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Original poster

Hydrangea60 · 23/12/2023 18:15

@Secondtimettc I know, I'm quite surprised by how often people ask about it, it's not something I would have asked them! I know overall we haven't been trying for long, hopefully we'll have some luck early next year :)

@WeightoftheWorld yes, I think I was quite naive going into the ttc process! Thanks, I'm trying to be a bit more relaxed about it now.

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LondonGirl1992 · 23/12/2023 21:39

I think TTC can be so all consuming and can make us absolutely obsess with the day to day- whether it’s temping, tracking ovulation or waiting to do a test. I found it really started affecting my mental health and after 5 months, I began to OBSESS that there had to be something wrong with me… surely!

I then toned it down a lot, stopped temping and just tracked ovulation- made sure to have sex every day leading up to and for a few days after and tried to worry a lot less and bam… our sixth month, it happened. I’m just writing this with the hope of letting you know that just because it hasn’t happened yet, it doesn’t mean it won’t soon! On average it takes anywhere up to 1 year- it’s hard to not lose sight of this when you’re in the mix of it all. Just because it didn’t happen in the first few go’s doesn’t mean it won’t happen next month or the one after.

Try and be positive- it’s hard, but statistically speaking you’ll more than likely have a baby very soon! ❤️

Daisies12 · 24/12/2023 09:37

WeightoftheWorld · 22/12/2023 20:59

Honestly don't believe that everyone around you conceived first time, that would be some pretty fantastical odds! Conception is massively just chance so even when everything is 'right' conditions wise, conception is still always less likely than likely every month.

We conceived DC1 on cycle 5, DC2 on cycle 4 and we are just in cycle 5 now with ttc no.3. I think there needs to be more fertility awareness around so people don't go into ttc expecting it to be quick because just through sheer coincidence it often isn't. Personally we've always tried to be pretty relaxed about it all and I try to just busy myself with everything else going on so I'm not worrying about it. I think this time of year actually makes that easier for me because there's so much going on to distract me.

Wishing you a lovely Christmas and hope you get your positive sooner rather than later.

Such a good point. Whatever they say, I really can’t believe it was so immediate for all of them. Fertility is such a taboo subject.

Original poster

Hydrangea60 · 24/12/2023 21:25

@LondonGirl1992 thank you :) yes, I definitely need to stop worrying and obsessing so much.

@Daisies12 yes, that's true. Another good reason to stop comparing ourselves to them!

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