CR@P! I might be pregnant and.....

[Haribosmum]

my SIL has just had a miscarrage. It would just be really insensitive for me to get pregnant now, especially as we aren't 'officially' trying - just know that we want another baby and it wouldn't be the end of the world if I did get pregnant now IYSWIM. What can I do? AF not due until Friday/Saturday but already I've had headaches/extream tiredness/metallic taste in mouth/increased appetite/constipation and generally an internal walm glow. I feel like I really could be pregnant (but it could just be my body tricking me). Any suggestions? I know this sounds really selfish considering what my SIL has been through but this would probably be my last pregnancy and I want to be able to enjoy it - not have to keep it secret!

I had 2MCs last year and a number of friends conceived during that time, if it is very early you don't need to tell her for a few weeks anyway? Just say you wanted to be sure. When you do tell her it is probably worth telling her before everyone knows. Think it is best to be honest.

She may react badly but it sounds like you are a caring person so don't take it personally

I feel really mean as well because she was trying for 2 1/2 years to get pregnant and we weren't really trying...Obviously we stopped 'fooling around' as soon as we found out about her miscarrage but still......anyway maybe I'm worrying for no reason.

There is no need to mention it for another couple of months... lots can happen in that time.

(I mean she could well be up the duff again by then)

I hope so. I really do.

I've had 3 mcs, and a number of friends and colleagues got pg during the time we were going through it all. What I appreciated were the people who took me aside privately to tell me, and acknowledged that I might find it hard.
What I did not appreciate was the email from friends (to work email address), telling us all that they had had a mistake with contraception and were now expecting DC#3. I cried at my desk that it was all so easy for them.

If you are pg, wait a few weeks to tell anyone, and then tell them on their own, and acknowledge their loss. Do not under any circumstance allow anyone in the family to know that you weren't ttc as it will get back to them.

Neither do they want to hear 'well at least you know that you can get pg now'

hi i think that if you are preg then it would be wise to talk to your SIL before you tell everyone else. you are bound to feel guilt that you are preg and she has MC but try to console yourself with the thought that if she is still trying straight after MC she will be likely to get preg soon again anyway due to the thought that fertility is higher after preg/MC. however you will also have to accept that this might not happen yet and you WILL still be preg all going smoothly. you have to think of you aswell and try and enjoy your last preg keep us posted so we can congratulate you
xx ei xx

sorry reading that back just then it reads a bit insensitively i have had a MC before so i know how it feels to be told someone close is preg straight after the MC (my 17year old cousin was the newly accidentally preg one btw) and it sucks but i was happy for her (she was happy about the preg) and compartmentalised that away from my own hurt over my lost baby iyswim. all i am saying is she will be ok in the long run, just a little bit of care and sensitivity over how you tell her is in order imo.
xx ei xx