DTD issues | Mumsnet

rupertbear91 · 2023-11-29T09:42:05+00:00

So we are trying to DTD every other day this cycle to see if it works. I also track bbt/use opk tests but thought this would be less pressure on the OH. I am finding it hard to make sure we DTD every other day even. My partner when I speak to him always talks the talk and says oh I could be naked within 5 minutes of getting home from work but I'm reality I end up staying up late on those nights waiting for the right time 🤦🏽&zwj;♀️ I have never been one to initiate sex and short of yelling the can we just have sex now that's going round in my head I'm useless. To make it worse I get so inside my head whilst DTD in my fertile week last night I didn't even noticed he had finished and went to put him back in after he fell out.... he was like erm I already did my deposit 😫 which has made me squirm with embarrassment since. I don't really know what to get out of this post other than i really want to just go back to no pressure sex! It's only our 3rd cycle trying I'm hoping we don't have too much longer to wait!

Outliers · 29/11/2023 11:01

Force yourself out of your comfort zone and try something sexy. Don't be afraid of the awkwardness of initiation.

If there's anyone you shouldn't feel shame with, it's your DP.

LBFseBrom · 29/11/2023 11:18

How long have you been trying to conceive? If there is nothing wrong with either of you, you are more likely to achieve that if you just relax and make love when you both feel like it.

Mrsttcno1 · 29/11/2023 12:21

The simplest advice is the best advice- go back to no pressure sex! Have sex when you want to, not when/because you have to. Make sure you are still “making love” and not just “baby making”- it takes a bit of extra effort but it’s absolutely worth it. Initiate, sext throughout the working day, build up to him coming home, send a cheeky picture, do a LoveHoney order to spice things up, try something new… make it exciting! Honestly, after only 3 cycles ttc you need to still try and find the enjoyment in it! X

Original poster

rupertbear91 · 29/11/2023 14:17

LBFseBrom · 29/11/2023 11:18

How long have you been trying to conceive? If there is nothing wrong with either of you, you are more likely to achieve that if you just relax and make love when you both feel like it.

This is our 4th cycle. We have no known issues but have both been on quite strong medications for various issues we have had to come off to try so that's always in the back of my mind. Before we only DTD at weekends as we are both so busy in the week so we needed to try and increase our chances and make the effort weekdays too!

OP posts:

Original poster

rupertbear91 · 29/11/2023 14:19

Mrsttcno1 · 29/11/2023 12:21

The simplest advice is the best advice- go back to no pressure sex! Have sex when you want to, not when/because you have to. Make sure you are still “making love” and not just “baby making”- it takes a bit of extra effort but it’s absolutely worth it. Initiate, sext throughout the working day, build up to him coming home, send a cheeky picture, do a LoveHoney order to spice things up, try something new… make it exciting! Honestly, after only 3 cycles ttc you need to still try and find the enjoyment in it! X

Thanks this is so out of my comfort zone he always laughs because I get all awkward just talking about DTD but then he doesn't make it any easier not initiating when he knows it's the right time!

OP posts:

LBFseBrom · 29/11/2023 15:19

It takes more than four months for many people to conceive, rupertbear. Please go back to being spontaneous and try to put conception out of your mind, being anxious does not help. It will probably happen when least expected.

Good luck to you both.

aquariusgemini · 29/11/2023 18:50

I can't understand when people just say relax. When you want a baby and are busy and tired it isn't that easy. You have to make it happen on the right days.

OP, you just have to do it. I would jump on my DH on the sofa cos by bedtime we were both tired. Get it done early in the day. Enjoy the extra sex, sure, but there is a job to be done too. It was a bit no frills for us tbh 🤣

We conceived both times dtd the day before ovulation, the day of ovulation and the day after. 3 days in a row, seemed to do the trick.

I used ovulation sticks which really helped.

LBFseBrom · 30/11/2023 12:45

I do get what you are saying, aquarius, but the op has only been contrit taceptive free/trying to conceive for four months. It is a bit too soon to be feeling desperate. I have known people who have tried for six months or a year and begun to worry but then conceived - and had three children one after the other! Nature is a funny thing. I don't want to turn this thread around to focus on me but when we decided to start a family it was around Christmas and I had my baby in the following October; however, we were not frantic about it, just stopped contraception and thought it would happen at the right time as long as there was nothing amiss with either of us.

Original poster

rupertbear91 · 30/11/2023 16:23

LBFseBrom · 30/11/2023 12:45

I do get what you are saying, aquarius, but the op has only been contrit taceptive free/trying to conceive for four months. It is a bit too soon to be feeling desperate. I have known people who have tried for six months or a year and begun to worry but then conceived - and had three children one after the other! Nature is a funny thing. I don't want to turn this thread around to focus on me but when we decided to start a family it was around Christmas and I had my baby in the following October; however, we were not frantic about it, just stopped contraception and thought it would happen at the right time as long as there was nothing amiss with either of us.

Just to jump in i think it's more difficult for me at the minute as we actually decided we wanted to start a family over a year ago but both me and my partner have been on medication which would have caused harm to a baby, so have had many months of appointments and weaning off tablets onto safe ones so I think although we aren't far into actually trying to conceive month wise it's been such a long wait to get to this point we are desperate to make the most of now being able to actually try.
I would give anything to have just been able to decide we were ready to start trying and just be able to have stopped birth control then but sadly not that simple 😔

OP posts:

LBFseBrom · 30/11/2023 17:40

I 'get' you, rupertbear and hope it all happens for you before too long. Also that your health problems are sorted.

Good luck.

riverlodge90 · 30/11/2023 19:14

OP I know how you feel, it's month 7 for us and it has became a chore. I've stopped wanted sex outside of my fertile week. Which isn't helpful. I don't know how to fix it. I'm hoping when we have more time off over Xmas we can make more of an effort and chill out abit.

@LBFseBrom oh god, you're one of those people who started TTC in December, conceived in the January ( 1 or max 2 months). And come on these threads giving people advice and telling them to relax. I'm sure the whole 8 weeks you tried you were relaxed and we were too but after a while it does get tedious. Stop giving advice on something you have zero experience of. It's patronising.

aquariusgemini · 02/12/2023 07:58

It only took me 8 weeks to conceive and I wasn't relaxed at all 🤣 8 weeks is a really long time!

And it's fine to feel however you feel and don't let others tell you otherwise.

My friend was rolling her eyes at me when I was desperate to conceive and I found it so patronising.