How do you not think about TTC?

[FirstTimeTTC989]

I'm 34, started trying recently. GP (had to go get my mirena removed) advised to take it easy, try not to think about it, don't expect for it to happen for 6 months, avoid testing early etc. My question is HOW? How do you not obsess over it?

Like today. I have a weird metallic taste in my mouth. I'm very puffy, extra tired, huge boobs. I'm not pregnant, this is obviously PMS but my mind will inevitably wonder when my yogurt tastes funny right?

Had a birthday at the weekend. Friend offers champagne. I have to reject the offer, which obviously reminds me even though I had forgotten about babies for a few hours!

At work, various commitments coming up for next year- each time it comes up I am obviously going to think to myself "hmmmm but I should be heavily pregnant by then, how do I get out of this stupid conference"?

@FirstTimeTTC989
i have absolutely no idea because I’m in the same boat!! I can’t stop thinking about it. Getting silly now!

You can’t 🤷🏻‍♀️ lol 🙈

It's so annoying!

I had some chocolate cake for a work birthday and now I feel really nauseous. it had a really heavy gross sweet chocolate icing. One of my colleagues obviously joked: "you're not pregnant are you?! Hahahahaha". Fuck off!

🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂😂 it’s the worst isn’t it lol

I think you kind of just have to force yourself not to focus on it too much. That’s all that really worked for me, like consciously ‘changing the subject’ in my head anytime ttc started buzzing around in there (again.). And definitely do not plan your life based on ‘I should be pregnant by then’, there’s little point! If you are, great, deal with it nearer the time, but if you’re not, it feels like a bit of a kick in the teeth to have planned for a pregnancy and not to be in that position.
It took a couple of years to get pregnant with my son, and I’m now nearly two years into ttc2, so I’ve had practice 😅 it’s the insensitive twatty comments that are the worst tbh.

The difficult bit is that almost every social interaction does remind me of it as so much is impacted all of a sudden:

1. the alcohol situation;
2. family trying to organize the annual ski trip for March. We're not going to spend a ton of money on a ski trip if I can't ski so saying no to that has attracted loads of queries too!
3. friends organizing a trip to Zika infested island for May i.e. rainy season. I'll have to back out of that and explain myself as I had agreed to go before I realised the risk.
4. Sport! I'm a regular at an activity that is now totally off the cards while pregnant so I'm getting questions on it too.

I was so naive. I had not anticipated any of it!

@FirstTimeTTC989 could you not just be honest with everyone & say you are trying for a baby. If trying to hide it is going to be so stressful that’s probably not a good state for you to be in when trying. Would it be so bad if people knew?

I don’t think having the odd drink when ttc is a problem at all. You can’t put your life on hold. Esp in the first half of the month before you ovulate when you know you can’t be pregnant.

@4LeafCloverBaby I'm only just coming into these issues so I think I was just naive and thought I could keep it to ourselves, no big deal. It just hadn't occurred to me that there would be so many reminders everywhere, if that makes sense?

@GreenestValley odd drink fine. But I had 2 birthdays and a Thanksgiving party last week. I have a work Christmas lunch on Friday, a work Christmas party and a wedding next week and lots of socials. My birthday on Christmas Eve. I think it being the run up to December is tricky. Come January I can hide in my house like everyone else.

I'm not trying to argue with anyone here or be dramatic! I'm just at the beginning of what seems could be along road and all of this has totally taken me by surprise!

I felt the same as you at the beginning but by the time I actually got pregnant 3 and a half years later we'd entirety reverted to normal in terms of drinking, booking trips, sports etc. The 'what if I'm pregnant' stopped being something we considered about a year in.

There really is no point in 'what-ifs', of course be healthy and take pre-natal vitamins and what not but don't worry about anything else until you get a positive test result. I'd book the ski trip, and don't give up the sport until you're actually pregnant.

This 👆. Honestly, it's not worth putting your life on hold when you have no long how long it's going to take. 20 months into TTC DC3 here. DD1 took 16 months, DD2 took 12 months.

Book things, but make you have adequate insurance in case you have to pull out. Carry on with your sport for now. Don't worry about avoiding alcohol altogether.

Thanks everyone! Think this is probably the first of many motherhood related lessons 😂 I genuinely thought we'd start having sex, tell no one, I would be super patient, and it would be no big deal. Easy peasy.

I totally relate.

out of interest, where is the zika infested island? I didn’t think there was much zika around anymore.

It is going to be a very very long road with this attitude!

Moderate drinking (so more than the ‘odd drink’) does not increase time to pregnancy. It is honestly not going to make a jot of difference.

re the ski trip- you are going to be much more miserable stuck at home if you still aren’t pregnant. If you are, and early enough, you will be able to do some gentle skiing, or at least enjoy some nice walks and apres ski if you have a bump. And you’ll save money on your lift pass.

you can’t stop your life. You have no idea how long it’s going to take.

Firstly I wanted to say I completely get you. Just started my journey and feel like my brain has been taken over haha

Im kind of assuming that it’ll become the norm soon and I’ll relax up a bit. I 100% agree with others about making plans as though you wouldn’t be pregnant, and then just thinking about the adaptability of those I.e booking things with good refund options etc I figure if I’m not pregnant I don’t want to also have FOMO added to the mix!

I get the alcohol point and people’s thoughts on this. Again I feel like I’m cautious right now because of those ‘what ifs’ but I’m also sure that with time you’ll find your own rhythm of what your comfortable with if that makes sense.

Also, having something to focus on is really helpful like audiobooks, podcasts, painting, colouring, sowing, exercise whatever it may be for you that really pulls your focus. I’m doing a paint by numbers and it’s helping me stay on it.

I’ve also found having a friend to talk to has been great. This friend I’ve spoken to actually isn’t going through this right now and k actually think it’s better as she was so easily able to ground me rather than my other friend in a similar situation who somewhat fed my thoughts!

I guess I think about it quite a lot at the moment, like you said reminders all the time. I just also find that reminding myself that my body is doing what it needs to do to make a pregnancy more likely I.e having all the stages of the cycle at the right lengths helps ground my thoughts and refocus rather than constantly thinking.

I hope this helps? I’m v early in the game of TTC so others later in the journey may think otherwise