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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

2 miscarriages in a row at 39

18 replies

Bumblesbee84 · 27/11/2023 14:46

Just that really... I've just found out I've had a missed miscarriage at 9+4 having had a spontaneous MC a couple of cycles back at 5 weeks. We had a scan at 7+2 and saw a strong heartbeat but baby was measuring 6 days behind (sonographer said not to worry about that) then had another scan at 9+4 and heartbeat had stopped. In going to EPU tomorrow to sort "management" of it. So horrible.

I'm 39 and know the odds are less in my favour than they used to be. We've been blessed with DS who is nearly 2. I think I can roll the dice once more but it's so hard. Anyone else been through similar and come out the other side? Or equally anyone else bowed out of more TTC and ok with it (although guess those peeps may not be on these boards!). Just want to feel less alone with things really...

OP posts:

Outliers · 27/11/2023 15:49

Just to say sorry for your losses, I can only empathise the challenges of dealing with multiple disappointments like this.

Wish you strength and perseverance. My view is to keep the faith, it may take time, but there's still a chance for a successful pregnancy. Good luck

igivein · 27/11/2023 15:55

Sorry for your losses @Bumblesbee84

I had a MMC at 39 (first pregnancy), another at 40 then got pregnant with DS at 41 (gave birth at 42 - so you're not necessarily out of the game yet.
I appreciate it's hard though. We gave up after the second MMC and DS came as a bit of a surprise!

OooohAhhhh · 27/11/2023 15:57

Yes.
1 MMC at 9 weeks, 4 chemical pregnancies - all of this happened continuously, one after the other. Then my 6th was successful, I was 36.
I now have a 15 month old conceived with no issues what so ever, first time trying, I was 40 when she was born.
My advice would be to keep on trying and don't give up.

BlueSage · 27/11/2023 16:23

I'm just going through similar experience. I had 3 miscarriages before my first child (I was 39 when I gave birth) and 2 in an attempt to get another. We are not ready to give up just yet but it's certainly not easy.

Coastghost · 27/11/2023 17:07

We have just experienced our first pregnancy and miscarriage at 9 weeks and 6 days, I am 38. I’m only four days on from ‘surgical management’ so it’s physically and emotionally raw, I don’t know if I have the courage to try again and I have so much respect for those who have done, whatever the outcome. Sorry I haven’t got anything helpful to add except to say that I’m sorry you’re going through it too.

LittleDoveLove · 27/11/2023 21:11

Hi OP sorry to read of your MCs. I had 3 miscarriages (1 chemical, a MMC, and an early one) since I was 38. I conceived my DS first go so it was a shock. I did IVF in the end as the MCs were unexplained and they said was probably egg quality due to age and I could get more eggs out in one go if did that and would hopefully find the lucky one. I am now 22 weeks: I'm 40 and will be 41 when they are born. I would have kept trying naturally once we had exhausted our budget for the IVF. I took a lot of the supplements from the book it starts with the egg book if you're interested. It improves egg quality - I do think it helped me regardless of the IVF. I also didn't drink hardly any alcohol and had more of a low carb / Mediterranean diet for the months before and did fertility accupuncture which I think all helped. X

Original poster

Bumblesbee84 · 27/11/2023 21:23

Thanks so much for all of your kind comments and the words of encouragement. I'm so sorry for all of our collective losses. And it's been lovely to read about some of your successful pregnancies following a horrible time.

@LittleDoveLove I've heard about it starts with the egg on a few of these boards. I wondered about ubiquinol as a supplement but haven't got round to it. I should look into it more! Huge congrats on your pregnancy. We've ruled out ivf for now, but so great to hear your success story. Everything crossed for a smooth pregnancy journey for you.

@Coastghost so sorry this was your first pregnancy. My first pregnancy before DS was a missed miscarriage for a blighted ovum. I remember how desperate I was to be pregnant but how scared I was to start trying again. We were lucky to conceive DS on second cycle after that. Be kind to yourself and take your time.

OP posts:

Op001 · 27/11/2023 21:25

Sorry for your losses. I had 2 miscarriages aged 39 and 40. Thought hard about trying again as it was such a horrendous thing to go through both times but eventually did try again and am currently 26weeks pregnant aged 42.
I put a time limit on trying to conceive-if it hadn’t happened in 6 months it wasn’t meant to be, but we could feel we’d given it one last try-hopefully avoiding “what if” doubts later on.
I had counselling/therapy to work through miscarriages and trying again-would recommend this if finances permit.

WimbyAce · 27/11/2023 22:27

Very sorry for your losses and also those that have replied, it is so so hard. I had 2 early losses between child 1 and 2. I then had 2 years of no pregnancies at all and I was getting close to 40. It really was last throw of the dice for us as in my mind I was ready to stop trying at 40 and had almost come to terms with us only having 1 child. We were having fertility treatment (IUI) but by some miracle conceived on a natural cycle and our little girl is now 3.
TTC was an absolute shit and even now I wonder how we got through it as I feel it drained me physically,.mentally, emotionally.

Pollywoddles · 28/11/2023 02:21

I started trying at 38 and after 7 miscarriages I finally had my baby the week before my 43rd birthday. I had two of those pregnancies tested and both were trisomies. IVF didn’t work for us, our only embryo was aneuploid.

I credit ‘It starts with the egg’ and putting as much of that as was comfortably possible into practice. I also stoped stopped getting pregnant so easily after the 3rd loss so there was a gap of two years before I read the book and also I did ovulation induction with a trigger shot which gave me double the chance every month as I was producing 2 eggs. I had more losses but the consultant said it was just a case of waiting for a good egg and she was right!

Coastghost · 28/11/2023 09:05

@Bumblesbee84 Thank you, it’s been helpful finding a community of others here who’ve been in the same horrible situation and the kindness in the responses. I’ve started to think about what I can do proactively to prepare to try again when we’re ready. Sending you healing vibes x

Original poster

Bumblesbee84 · 28/11/2023 13:34

@Op001 big congrats on your pregnancy. I've been toying with the idea of speaking to a professional "someone" about my losses. Did you see a therapist specifically dealing with women's health or anything like that? I work for the nhs and we have an employee assistance programme where your can get counselling which I've thought about contacting at some point, but not sure if i should be looking for something specialist. Thanks so much for sharing your story.

@WimbyAce I think we're going to give ourselves a time limit too of a year and see what happens. If we have another loss I'll probably think again. I think a time limit helps psychologically (for me at least, I know they won't be the case for everyone). Congrats on your miracle DD.

OP posts:

Whataretheodds · 28/11/2023 13:37

I'm 42. 2 MCs last year similar circumstances to yours. Now 31w pregnant, latest scan shows all is well.
I was prescribed progesterone after a bleed in 2nd pregnancy which I started taking as soon as I had the positive test for this pregnancy.

Neither partner nor I had conceived before.

Girlboysgirl · 28/11/2023 13:44

Yes, bit younger at 36 but I had 2 in a row and then a healthy pregnancy, similar times for the miscarriages as well. It was the worst time of my life but I personally am SO glad I went again, we now have a beautiful little girl, and a little sister for older DD. I know this is one of the things people should never say, but I found it really helpful to say it to myself - you know you can get pregnant and carry full term, my GP saw this as a real positive as well. Also if you look at the stats, you are still more likely than not to give birth to a healthy child on the 3rd roll of the dice. Just be prepared to be strong and I had a lot of anxiety all the way through the pregnancy,.

WimbyAce · 28/11/2023 13:56

I know people are very much divided opinions on it but acupuncture was a godsend for me. I think I was very lucky in the lady I used as she was very knowledgeable re infertility. She also became something of a counsellor so I was able to unburden myself both physically and mentally in our sessions. It's not for everyone but in both my successful pregnancies I was having acupuncture up to 12 weeks. Potentially helped with symptoms too as I was sickness free with both.

toomanyleggings · 28/11/2023 14:00

While very upsetting, I don’t think multiple early miscarriages are as unusual as you’d think. I had at least 5 before 6 weeks before dd1 and another missed miscarriage before dd2 at nearly 12 weeks ( I was 37 then). I did take baby aspirin with my successful pregnancies though. No idea if that made the difference or not

deliwoman1 · 28/11/2023 19:24

I'm so sorry for your losses, OP. I had three losses on three consecutive cycles of trying, one early spontaneous miscarriage around 6 weeks, an MMC, and a self-resolving ectopic. I then went on to conceive my DD, now 17 months. I was 38, 39 when she was born. I'm 41 in Feb, and am currently 4+4. Absolutely terrified.

I don't think either of us really processed it properly first time, and then DD came along. It's all coming back up now though. Your idea of employee assistance is very smart. I think Tommy's can also help too.

Sending big hugs. x

Ladyinpink1 · 28/11/2023 21:55

Hi, just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your losses and you are definitely not alone. I have 2 dc completely straightforward pregnancies, no issues; then had a miscarriage in December last year and another in August this year, I have no idea why they happened and sometimes drive myself crazy trying to figure out why but i'm currently ttc again and taking a bazillion vitamins lol hoping the third time will be a success( also terrified it will be another loss). I hope things go as smoothly as possible at your appointment and you have some time for yourself after to recuperate and try to grieve. I read @Girlboysgirl comment on your post that said about the stats, I think that is reasurring that you are no more likely to have a loss the third time xx

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