Just a rant....

[Babiesforme]

Feeling heartbroken today. Really positive opk lastnight, ewcm and ovulation pain. Dh too tired to have sex lastnight, fair enough. But this morning I said I'm about to ovulate/am ovulating and still not in the mood. I don't normally tell him so there's no pressure and we happily dtd and I tell him once my lh starts to drop again. He does suffer from anxiety and depression but ttc is also stressful for me too as well as other things. We've missed my fertile period a few times due to our schedules. I've been having irregular cycles which is a worry, and have pcos. Just laid here in pain angry and hurt that we've just wasted a cycle. At 38 I don't know how much time I have left to ttc. Sorry just needed to let it out x

@Babiesforme let it out! I know exactly how you feel. If I tell my OH it’s had a negative effect but if I don’t and we miss the window.. it obviously has an internal negative effect on me, plus he then says “ah why didn’t you tell me!”

We have officially been trying for around 15 months but I’m only counting 8 because we have missed the fertile window that many times. Also I had a CP only when we DTD ON ovullation so I’m pretty sure if we done it by my plan, we’d have been further along in this process than we are.

Its really hard because you’re both human beings and juggling the balance of being mentally ok and having to DTD to the right time is draining.

One thing that did work quite well for us a while back was putting a little star on the ‘important’ days on the calendar on the fridge 😂 talk about romantic hey… but this was only after a conversation we had where he said he would like to know but perhaps don’t make it obvious. This way it’s both of our responsibility to get in the mood and make the moves - not just mine. Could be worth a try! Xx

Thank you @Yolo23 you've definitely made me feel like less of a cow. 😊 You can't win eh lol. I'm sorry to hear about your cp. I had one earlier this year
My dh and I had a chat a few months ago and he said he's happy to be told when we need to dtd for ttc sake. It took me by surprise yesterday, it was only the ewcm that made me do an opk and think let's go for it. Although we were going to have sex yesterday anyway as we were both in the mood. I feel mean because he is feeling a bit low at the moment but so am I and I also missed the intimacy as well. I get ridiculously horny when I'm ovulating - sorry tmi lol! To be fair I'd said let's take it easy for the last couple of cycles of the year as it was taking a toll mentally - I'm happy to enjoy some wine and brie at Christmas! But then when faced with an opportunity I thought go for it. I think my hormones have made me feel extra emotional today, think I'll have a nice hot shower and a cry. I'm not sure he's ready to deal with how I feel. Tomorrow's another day. As I type this the the premom app has plopped out another reminder to do an opk 🙄 fml. Are you ttc #1? Think I'll add a reminder to his Google calendar! 🤣 And seriously thank you so much for responding x

Hey, v similar situation over here. it’s totally changed the meaning of sex, which is really sad. You’re damned if you tell them and damned if you don’t! Found myself getting really upset one cycle when he wasn’t up for it as all the testing, tracking and temping is for nothing if you don’t have a good go at the right time (we’ve been trying 14 cycles).

I suggested doing the turkey baster method and that scared him in to action 😂😂

@Babiesforme @Sierra26 😂 it’s actually really reassuring that there are others feeling similar!

These forums are great but you see couples on a mission to DTD every other day - or every day, and it does make you feel like you’re failing if you can’t even nail it around ovulation 😅

Lol at the Turkey Baster comment… I did tell my partner about something I seen the other day (someone recommended it on here) which was a similar process to insemination at home.. I also think I scared my partner into getting it done naturally 🤣 albeit mine was a genuine comment lol.

I think it’s really important that we remember ourselves in all of this and our partnership but yeah I think they forget we have different stress because we’re the ones who know when the time is. I genuinely feel mentally stable to continue the month and get to AF (unfortunately) when we’ve DTD at the right times because I know we’ve done everything we could. I’ve had multiple months where I’ve just had to bite my tongue because it’s more important not to say anything in that moment if he’s having a tough time with other things life brings… so it’s totally understandable how you’re feeling. Definitely a cry in the shower helps! 🥰 we’re here to listen too xx

@Yolo23 I relate to all of that. The most we’ve managed was Dtd 4x in window and it was exhausting for us, we’re just not like that normally. We would NEVER manage the SMEP!

One month when it all became too awkward and difficult I had to give myself a talking to, and reassured him (and me) that at the end of the day our relationship is the most important thing and if it takes a bit longer because we need to protect that, that’s okay. It made me feel a bit better to think of it that way.

I actually ordered a home insemination kit but we’ve not tried it yet! Lots of people on here revert to it when things have got a bit tedious.

@Sierra26 same as us!! Unfortunately it just so happens that month was the month I had my first and only BFP… so it is a bit disheartening when we’re not as active and getting BFNs - that BFP was chemical if I hadn’t said previously.

I totally agree with the relationship being most important. While I would now love children, it’s because I’d love them with my partner and sometimes I think people forget that and just want the children.

Have you decided any back up plans or not? We’ve got a Plan A (currently in motion), and a Plan B 🤣 I love to be in control of something so having a plan and timeframe is helping me to mentally move on if needed xx