‘Just stop trying and it’ll happen’, isn’t true… is it?

[musingtoday]

On cycle 2 and I know I’ll be fretting about it. TTC is on my mind every day, and I wish I could relax, but I can’t!

This won’t genuinely impact my ability to get pregnant, will it? Surely it’s just as likely to happen whether I am worrying or not. Did anyone on here get BFPs despite tracking and worrying about it daily?

No it doesn't help, it's just bollocks invented by smarmy twats who never struggled and want to sound like they're saying something helpful (and I don't think they necessarily know how much of an arsehole they sound when they say it but my god I wanted to punch people who said this to me during the 7 years I was TTC DC1).

Sorry you're struggling TTC OP 💐

It doesn't help if you genuinely have fertility problems.

But it worked twice for me. I stressed for a few months each time,tracking ovulation etc. Then the months I didn't bother, bang. Purely anecdotal though.

It worked for me, was trying for 2yrs.

Yes it's true, do not stress. Not easy though I know.

I hated it when people used to say that to me when I was TTC my first. And it really isn't something you can just simply do. Not stress.
That being said after trying for a year and a half, the month we did conceive my son, my mind was let's say partially on other stuff.
I had just accepted a new job, so we decided no to try actively and only DTD 4 times, when we felt like it. We also had a lot of fun. Went and did something fun every weekend. Both my parents and his parents came to visit. And we went on a pub crawl with my new job. In fact I drank more than usual that month.
I hate to admit it, as now ttc our second it's just not something I can replicate. Eventhough I do wonder if trying to get to that mindset would help.
But it's the viscous circle, trying not to be stressed to ttc, just causes more stress.

But you are trying though

I’m sorry it’s infuriating

but, I tried for 2.5 years for DC2. Stopped trying as didn’t want to be pregnant during Covid. 6 weeks later, bfp.

she is a bloody stubborn little madam though so no surprise really

Sort of for me. We tried for a year, no joy, started fertility investigations then got pregnant. I don’t think it was the lack of stress - we were very chilled for the first 6 months! - but the month where I knew, ok, if we don’t get pregnant this month there’s a plan in place- it worked. And 18 months later I got pregnant accidentally so who bloody knows 😂

I always took solace in the ‘women get pregnant in war zones’ point. I honestly think stress is only a factor if it impacts on DTD.

good luck!

Haha also have a stubborn girl who took a year to land! You just have to remember that when you get your baby it’ll be the baby you wanted and he/she will be worth waiting for ❤️

I am a worrier anyway so I know I’ll be worried about it until I get a positive test. I am only on my second cycle but it’s heightened for me as I had a termination in the past and I’ve always been terrified it’s affected my chances, even though there is no medical reason for that. :( I don’t want to mope round for the whole of the next month but I feel like I will privately be a bit upset. It seems so irrational. I know some people try for YEARS and me feeling the way I do is selfish to them.

This can be a really cruel thing for people struggling with TTC to hear, particularly as no amount of relaxing is going to deal with problems like blocked tubes.

If you don't have medical problems, it can still take a while and it's so easy to end up second guessing yourself all the time. But in the grand scheme of things worrying about TTC is unlikely to have any significant effect. I think severe, ongoing anxiety can have an effect on pregnancy chances because the body takes this as a signal that there are lots of dangers about and it may not be a safe time to have a baby. But that's not something that's a concern at the level of worrying about whether you'll be able to conceive, it's more for women who are so acutely anxious that they're constantly in fight or flight mode, in which case you should be getting medical assistance.

That said, TTC is stressful enough, and a pregnancy is very demanding, so I think it is good to see if there's anything you can do to reduce stress in your work and life generally, or if you can't, at least make sure you're getting good sleep and nutrition to give yourself the smoothest and most comfortable ride through TTC and, hopefully, into pregnancy and early motherhood.

It’s just something people say when they don’t know what else to say. It’s BS. I remember seeing the GP when we were struggling to conceive. First step is sending off DH sperm sample. I remember getting a phone call off the GO whilst at work and she said ‘it’s literally never going to happen, well not naturally anyway’. It was brutal but I appreciated her honesty. As others have said relaxing won’t help a multitude of medial problems.

It worked for a friend of mine. Tried for years with no success. Gave up and started training for a new career in her 40s then had two!

I suspect this is what happens -

1. some people actively try to get pregnant.
2. Some of these people go on to get pregnant whilst still ‘trying’ and don’t go around telling people it’s because they were ‘trying’ and that people must try harder.
3. some people ‘stop trying’ and get pregnant so attribute it to the fact they ‘stopped trying’ (and do tell everyone to stop trying) despite the fact they were still having unprotected sex, so technically still doing the thing you need to do to get pregnant.

i would be surprised if there is a statistical uptick in people getting pregnant when they stop trying.

After sex, stick your legs up against the wall and tilt your pelvis up. Helps the sperm to reach the egg.

You can try the old wives tales too- hug a newborn etc

You hear the stories of people who do conceive, but you don't hear the stories of the people who gave up trying and for whom it still didn't happen.

Personally for us, yes it did seem this way with dc2.

We actively tried for over a year. Monitored ovulation, did it at the right time, legs in the air afterwards etc.

Then we had second thoughts and wondered if actually a slightly bigger gap after dc1 would be better. So we stopped the 'active' trying...and 4 weeks later I was pregnant.

We gave up after 7 years of trying and miscarriages. A few weeks later, I was pregnant.

I don't believe it was because we gave up, though, and I suddenly relaxed.

It did work for us. We were ttc for 10m, tracking temp and using ovulation strips etc and getting frustrated with it all. Decided to give up everything as I was 41 and accepted that it was too late for us and didn't buy more vitamins when they ran out and the only thing we were doing was just not using contraception (and barely needing it as only dtd a couple of times that cycle) and I fell pg.

Stopping trying worked for me twice haha. Might be coincidence but I also ended up with high prolactin which is caused by stress and can stop you falling pregnant (It was a stressful time in general so lots of things probably impacted this) second month of no tracking and almost forgetting about it all and I concieved. After 7 months of intense tracking and forcing sex on the correct days etc. Had sex only once in the fertile window both times too x

Did you end up conceiving DC1 naturally after the 7 years. I’ve been TTC number 1 now for years too

I think it's a really unfair comment to make, I had it said to me by a close relative that got pregnant a few months before me "oh we were so busy I didn't have time to track ovulation properly but it happened then haha!" really pissed me off.

For me, tracking was the reason I got pregnant. I have extremely irregular and long cycles and didn't ovulate until CD31- had a not being tracking I never would've know. I became obsessed with living by the lh tests but I'm glad I did x

Interesting thread. I suppose, even if it works you can't convince yourself to stop stressing. You just have to organically relieve yourself of the burden.