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Original poster

Re post I can't concentrate. It's taking over my life

11 replies

Sima12 · 05/10/2023 12:18

Unsure I posted in the right section.

Hi everyone, please be kind as I have tormented myself for the last 5 years.
I met my dp 10 years ago at a young age, from the beginning I started to notice alcohol was a issue for dp, he would get very aggressive smashing things ect. We would fall out and back in again for the first 2 years of the relationship.

21 oct 2017 while out with the girls, i bumped into an old colleague we spoke occasionally on social media now and again. (Nothing sexual)
When the night had gone to a end the old colleague wanted to speak to me in private. I said ok, straight away was being very touchy, I said I didn't want to do anything but he just laughed like It was a joke. He proceeded to help himself. I completely froze I didn't know what to do. Run don't run, I couldn't speak I lt was like I was frozen solid. I had my phone in my hand and remembered looking at the screen and just running.. while this colleague was chasing me calling me a b. & something along the lines of I will ruin your life. I remember getting a ride home calling my friend sobbing. Did I cause this? Why did I not shut him off and walk away soon as it got weird.. I don't know why I didn't and hate myself for it. All I wanted to do was tell my dp but I didn't want him to loose his temper/start drinking I felt like I let this happen. I shouldn't have left my friends.

I live with this everyday. 07.march 2018 I found out I was pregnant with a clear blue showing 2-3 weeks, and had my baby 7 nov 2018.

I have had obsessive thoughts that completely ruin me daily I can't live a normal life without obsessing over dates, scans, but basically I am trying to make myself believe that guy could be my child's father and not my dp. This would mean I was pregnant for over 12 months.. I know what some people may think. But I can't make this stop I had my second child and they look completely different. Second is the spit of my dp.
I love my baby's more than anything but I am worried I am failing them being so stuck in this mental cycle I know they can sense it. I can't clean I can't eat or sleep. I have nightmares and I know if I said anything to dp he would relapse with alcohol. Can someone tell me I am being completely irrational. I have no one to talk to about this. I just want it to stop and enjoy my family that I love dearly. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please be kind.

OP posts:
Ttcmumma · 05/10/2023 12:54

You sound traumatised from the experience but Hun, there's no way that kid is his. It has to be your partner's. You would not be pregnant for 12 months it's not possible. Also you haven't actually stated that it got to the point of him being inside you or ejaculating inside you? So I'm not sure it possible even dates did add up...

M00nknight · 05/10/2023 13:08

Is this for real? Or a piss take.
You had your baby 13 months after this event ? You CANNOT be pregnant for 13 months. It's basic reproductive biology. surely you know this op?
It's not physically possible
What you went through sounds traumatic and you clearly need therapy because your deluding yourself with these thoughts of paternity

Original poster
Sima12 · 05/10/2023 13:09

He did it lasted 2 minutes maximum before I snapped out of shock and ran down the street. He texted me over and over after this threatening to contact my dp and that I was a b and so on. I blocked him and deleted every social media i had. Still i dont use anything in case i see him. I feel guilt like I caused the events to happen and not being able to tell my dp affects our relationship. get horrible flash backs. Even think that I am lieing to my child and my child will hate me one day. Even though it's impossible. I would have concieved feb 2018 not on oct 2017.
Feeling very lost thank you for replying to my post x

OP posts:
Original poster
Sima12 · 05/10/2023 13:10

I think I may need some type of therapy to help with the intrusive thoughts

OP posts:
PinkRoses1245 · 05/10/2023 13:19

Please please seek some therapy and support for the fact you suffered sexual assault. And there is no way you could be pregnant for that long, absolutely impossible.

Tigger1116 · 05/10/2023 13:23

I’m really sorry this happened to you I think you definitely need to speak to someone about everything that happened and they can help you through the trauma this guy shouldn’t get away with it also I don’t think there is any chance that your child could be his but if it sets your mind at rest see if you can get a at home dna test just for your mind set . I’m not telling you what to do or not do but is your relationship a good idea it doesn’t sound very safe sorry if I’ve overstepped but please get help with everything you need sending a hug

Original poster
Sima12 · 05/10/2023 13:39

Thank you. I will look into seeking some professional help, hopefully it can help me deal with things a bit better.

OP posts:
IWillBeWaxingAnOwl · 05/10/2023 13:52

I would say this is an obsessive intrusive thought due to trauma (I work in mental health). What he did had such a huge impact on you emotionally that your brain believes it should have some kind of tangible impact on your practical life, like your child. It's also giving you nightmares and having a huge impact on functioning.

As im sure you intellectually know, your child is your partner's (both are).

I am also concerned that you don't have someone who can be there for you, and you seem to feel some level of responsibility for ensuring your DH doesn't relapse. That responsibility is his alone.

CC222 · 05/10/2023 14:19

You have been traumatised by being raped by that man. You may even be suffering with PTSD.
Please seek therapy, you need this to heal and to improve your mental well-being.
What happened was not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. And your child is absolutely your partners child, there's no chance it could be that mans child.
I can understand why these intrusive thoughts have taken over, even though all logical sense would tell you that he can't possibly be the father to your child, it's because you've been holding onto this trauma for so long and it's burdening you and causing extreme mental stress.
It will help to talk and share this awful experience with a professional, so you can start to heal and move forward happy and healthy for yourself and your family.
Sending love xx

Original poster
Sima12 · 05/10/2023 14:56

I don't know if lts because I chatted to this man before hand or if it's because I feel like I did not run sooner than I should have. In some way I feel responsible for what happened or in a way gave him the wrong intentions. Thank you for your responses it has really helped me today, I will definitely look into counciling

OP posts:
Tigger1116 · 05/10/2023 15:01

None of it is your fault just because you spoke to him he took advantage and hurt you he knew exactly what he was doing so please don’t blame yourself you got away when you could and you are so brave speaking about it with us this is a safe space you need to find a therapist you can feel safe with and work through everything

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