im scared and desperate and this is my first message

[scared1976]

Hi there> Ive been trying with my husband to get pregnant for a year and it hasnt worked. A good friend called me today to tell me she was pregnant and i cried for 2 hours i was so jealous. I am absolutely petrified there is something wrong with me. is it normal to feel like this? if one more person tells me "relax and it will happen" im going to explode.

Relax it will happen

No seriously though talk to some on the people here for just a little while and youll see that a year is not such a long time really there are people here that have been trying for 6 or 7!

Have you had any tests done? If your that worried then start the ball moving and see if theres anything you can be doing to help your chances.

Im not an expert im afraid but i hope someone with some wisdom will come along and help

Hello and welcome. A year isn't a very long time to be trying - between DS and being pregnant now I didn't use contraception, so that's nearly 2 years of TTC. Have you come off the pill/injection contraception? Are your periods regular? Have you tried ovulation test strips? I guess they are the starting base of TTC... x

It is just so scary when you have no idea how fertile you and parter are etc, and you are not falling pregnant as quickly as you imagined. I agree with Waffle, try ovulation strips - at least you will know that you are ovulating. The stess and anxiety will not be helping you efforts, so if you feel you cannot get it under control, why not make an appointment with a private gynaecologist for a check-up and advice?

Here try this site it might help

Fertility Friend

thanks ladies it really helped just to send the message in the first place.
i have tried the ovulation strips but didnt have much luck so now i have convinced myself im not ovulating. Also, my period tends to get off to a very slow start so have also convinced myself my progetrogene levels are low. We are going to a doctor in a few weeks to get checked and I am so so scared there will be something wrong with me.

Stop panicking it doesnt hlp the more you stres the less likely it will happen just try and stay calm and wait for the tests, If anything is wrong then deal with it then theres nothing you can do about it right now except stay calm and keep trying!

Scared'76, there are so many very minor (and easily corrected)things that could be wrong, try not to panic about the BIG ONES just yet. And good luck to you and your partner.

i appreciate your messages so much. I dont really feel i can confide in my friends without subjecting us to even more pressure and my poor husband is wondering what kind of loony he married i imagine. every month when i feel my period cramps arrive i feel completely desperate and the waiting is absolute agony. And now my body has started to play tricks on me as well to get my hopes up. I know its not the case, but it just feels like it has been so easy for my friends so statistically must it be me that has the awful time? my husband and i want children so badly.

Believe me, I understand about turning into a loony when TTC - it just consumes your every thought, doesn't it? Everything you describe reminds me so of myself just 5 years ago, I really feel for you. Rest assured, there are two little Tickles sleeping upstairs, and chances are very much in your favour that it will be the same for you.

it's madness. i consider myself rational but feel like im losing it totally over this. tonight im in a hotel room (I travel for work) missing my husband and just periodically crying my eyes out. And searching for causes of infertility on the web and trying to decide if I have them. All because a really good friend hit jackpot first go and i feel like it wasnt her turn. tragic

Hi there,

When you say your periods get off to a very slow start do you mean they are a light for a couple of days before they get going because I think I had something similar. (If that is not what you meant then feel free to disregard me entirely)!

When I was TTC DS2 I went to the doctors about the weird bleeding (very light for a few days and then normal period) and not getting pregnant and apparently I had a cervical erosion. It sounds horrendous but it isn't at all. Most of the time it clears up by itself.

Not exactly sure what it is but something about the lining of the womb being a bit lower than it should be and it causes breakthrough bleeding so the first couple of light days aren't really your period at all.

As I have regular periods it meant that I was calculating my likeliest days for ovulation all wrong and once I knew what was going on it didn't take long to get pregnant. It explained why I never managed to use the ovulation kits on the days I was actually ovulating and it looked like I had a problem.

I really hope it is something as simple as that for you - no medical intervention, no hassles. Fingers and toes crossed for you.

hi niecie that is exactly what i mean. really nothing more than a dot or two for 2/3 days and then my normal period comes. i have wondered if that means im calculating everything completely wrongly. im sure when i got to fertility clinic in a couple of weeks they will ask me all these things. does cervical erosion make it harder to get pregnant? thanks again

Hello again,

No it doesn't. When I realised that I was calculating my dates all wrong it took no time at all to get pregnant, couple of months maybe (although I would add that I got pregnant first month of trying with DS1 so I know I am very lucky to seemingly find it quite easy).

The erosion is no bother at all and doesn't mean that the pregnancy will be a problem, not in my experience anyway. I asked the doctor if it meant that my cervix was weaker than most and she said no, everything was fine except for this lip of lining with its erratic bleeding. There was nothing hormonally wrong with me as I had my bloods checked too.

Even if this is not your problem I really hope it is something that simple as that for you and everything is sorted out with one visit to the clinic. Good luck.

thanks niecie. im sure my imagination is running away with me.

Hi Scared, why dont you try using the clearblue fertility monitor? it will actually tell you in advance when you are about to ovulate. having said that, i am glad that you are going to see a doc.

Good luck to you

Scared1976 - ah I could have posted that message three years ago! I have PCOS and never ever got a positive on an ovulation test - yet I was ovulating, but my hormone levels weren't high enough.

We went through the whole kit and caboodle, exploratory surgery, sperm samples, Clomid, everything, nothing worked. So we gave up. I had one session of acupuncture to try and sort out my painful periods and that very day my daughter was conceived. (This was after I'd been told by a fertility consultant to try IVF because it wasn't going to happen naturally).

Now I'm pregnant with a boy. DD will be 20 months when he's born and I'm still breastfeeding so technically it's not possible for me to have conceived this one either (haven't have a period for years!)

Go see the doctor, read up a bit too (I recommend Dr Zita West's Guide to Getting Pregnant - if nothing else it will explain all about fertility tests so you aren't in the dark and being fobbed off).

But also be aware that the average length of time it takes a couple to conceive is 13 months. You aren't actually that unusual.

Also the problem may not lie with you! Both DH and I were discovered to have issues. Yet things still worked out. Stay hopeful and positive and have an awful lot of sex - it will help enormously on many levels

Scared, you are doing exactly the right thing by going to the docs. Chances are there is nothing wrong with either of you, but wouldn't it be nice to know that? Or if there is something amiss, you can put it right.

The doctor will most likely talk to you about the number of times you have sex during your cycle (apparantly the biggest cause of infertility is insufficient sex), and then they should schedule a couple of blood tests for you to check your hormone levels at different times of the month. They will also need to see your DH and he will need to give a sperm sample to be checked as well. None of this is traumatic (for you anyway - your DH might disagree!) and you will know far more then.

I do understand what you are going through each month, as do lots of people on here.

Am sure you will be fine, best of luck

thank you all so much for the good advice. im glad you mention zita west, it is her clinic that i am going to as she seemed to get a good write up when i googled. you may have a point re the insufficient sex - I am writing this from an airport lounge because i have to travel a lot for work which obviously makes the "ground work" a little difficult!

hi scared1976 going to the dr is definetly the best thing to do good luck