TTC

[Tk231]

Morning. Just wanting to reach out to someone as I'm feeling very low at the moment.
I know everyones journey is different and I'm sorry if this is me being impatient but I just keep getting the feeling of guilt and didn't know who to talk to.

I'm struggling with the fact I feel I've left it too late (I'm 31 and have constantly been told by family that I've left it too late and that there are so many more risks the older you get - they do not know we are TTC)

We have only been TTC for 3 months and using ovulation tests (as makes me feel I'm doing everything I can 😔 ), which I know is nothing but there's just so many things going round in my head: my age, I didn't get an LH surge this month, I'm not an ideal BMI, my work involves me having additional risk which unfortunately I cannot avoid. I don't drink, smoke and only have one normal (not decaf!) coffee a few times a week since TTC.

Just this week two people who are close to me announced they are pregnant and I'm just struggling which is silly I know.

My partner keeping saying "it'll happen" but I feel like he doesn't fully appreciate the emotion every month or everytime someone makes a comment. I always thought I'd be pregnant before I was 26 but for one reason or another it hasn't happened. Like all of you that feeling of really wanting to be pregnant is overwhelming at the moment😔

Even writing this I know this is me being impatient and selfish and so many of you have been trying for so much longer and I'm so sorry.

If you've read to the end of this, thank you so much and I'm sorry I rambled on. I've been in tears all morning and the idea of going into work and putting on a smile is so hard right now.

Firstly 31 is far from too old. I don’t know anyone who had a baby in their 20s. That’s very ignorant of your family to say that. It’s common and Normal to take a year for couples with no issues, so as hard as it is, try and take on your partners attitude. And please enjoy a coffee if you want.

And try and ignore others around you, it has zero impact on you. It’s a good lesson to learn early on!

The average age of a first time mum in the uk is 30.9 so 31 is deff not too old. it's dam near average!

Unfortunately getting pregnant is not as easy as media makes it out to be. a perfectly healthy couple has about a 30% chance of conception per month and its not cumulative. it's still about 30% the next month too. it is so so so hard though to see those negative tests. but 31 is still young. I got pregnant at 32 easily enough (took a few months but was there). now 35 and trying for no 2.

I know people who had trouble at 27 and i know others who got pregnant barely trying at 40. it is just luck of the draw really

When are you doing ovulation tests from and to. not everyone ovulates on day 14. i don't til like day 18 and only have a surge for about 12 hours so have to be lucky enough to catch it. Are you using cheapies or digital?

You're not too old and 3 months is absolutely nothing! Take a deep breath - for a lot of us this journey is a long one. Getting worked up isn't helpful to your health or your happiness.

Ignore your family comments - they are so unhelpful and they don't know what they are talking about. Risks are barely increased at all at 31!

If you're worried look at having a "fertility MOT", tons of places offer them privately and they might help put your mind at ease that things are ok.

PinkRoses1245 and Bells3032. Thank you both so much for your reply.

I was so hesistant to post this as I know it's only been 3 months which is no time at all.
Unfortunately I think when we first talked about trying, the medias idea of "conception" did not help. I've obviously done a lot more research over the last 6 months and understand the probability and length of time.

I have been tracking my cycles for about a year or more and do the ovulation test from Day 10. I had been seeing the surge between 10-14 but Day 17 today. I couldn't help but panic and overthink things which is so stupid I know. I'm using the Clearblue ovulation test (for 2 most fertile days).

I know it's personal choice but I don't know if I should stop tracking my ovulation. Part of me worries that if there's a problem I won't catch it but at the same time I'm worried I'm obsessing.

I appreciate both your comments and I know that 3 months is no time at all. Honestly I just needed to talk things through with other women (I don't feel confident talking to any friends or family) as I've been so low since we have been TTC and feel so much pressure (which is what I'm trying to avoid 😔)

Moosey89
Thank you so much for your reply.
Honestly as stupid as it sounds I think I needed this reassurance from other people that I'm not "too old" and that this is "normal"

I felt so alone and think my mental health has been struggling with what the "ideal" is. I know it's 3 months of actually TTC but I didn't want to sit on these feelings and let it just fester for months and months without someone telling me I'm being ridiculous.

I appreciate all these comments more than you can all imagine.

Hi @Tk231
Morning hun, bless you, it will happen hun honestly it will.
I met my husband at 40 yrs old, i had my first at 41 yrs old and my second at 42 yrs old. Don't worry about age my lovely. You have a supportive partner which is so amazing. Keep us updated because it's only a matter of time and you'll have your bfp!! Xx

Maybe do stop the tests for a while and just have sex every other day. I'm always surprised when people use the tests from the start

@Tk231 this site is great for that! There's always people here to reassure you. It's good to work on your mindset now before it becomes an issue😊

If you don't mind me asking, how sexually active are you and your partner? If you have a relatively active sex life anyway, DTD every other day from day 8-10 through until day 20-22 would cover you without having to track ovulation.

Stop listening to people who say you have left it too late. Perhaps you could take some time away from testing. For me it took the pressure off and I was more relaxed about things. I reconnected with my body and realised I got more in the mood around my ovulation so I used that as an indication instead.

I'm 30 and been ttc for 2 years ;(

@Summer2424 Thank you so much for your message, I really appreciate it

@PinkRoses1245 Thank you for your honest reply. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing with the ovulation tests but I think personally for me they've just added so much more stress

@moosey89 We generally are generally sexually active every other day during the "fertile window" but the rest of the month is spontaneous but Thank you for your advice, I will definitely take this on board and will hopefully stop me obsessing over the ovulation day

@Olika Thank you so much for your message. I think I'm definitely going to take a break from testing and obsessing. I have learnt more about my body and like you've said maybe need to focus more on this than what a test says for now

@Cloclo93 I'm so sorry if my post has upset you. I know I'm so early on and fully appreciate the long journey ahead. There is some wonderful support on this group and I'm so grateful for all your comments today.

@Bells3032

Thank you all so much I really appreciate the advice and honesty ❤️ I know I have a long journey like so many women but your advice has made me refocus my mind and hopefully stopped the spiral I could see happen xx

31 really isn't too old. I fell pregnant the first month of trying last year when I was 29 I didn't think that would happen as I'm very overweight with a high bmi but it did.
Don't believe everything you read about age and weight stopping you conceive

I'm 37 and on month 4 with my new partner I get its deflating but I'm older than you ..33 isn't old so don't worry

Massive hugs xx all of those feelings are so tricky when you hear other pregnancy announcements it's so so hard. Try to be kind to yourself, you're allowed to find it hard regardless of how long you've been trying. I really hope it happens for you soon, your doing all you can xx and as others have said I don't think your too old I was your age when I had my first baby xx

hi@Tk231 , how are you doing. I hope you are in a better place now with everything...im 33 and will be 34 soon and been hoping to conceive over 2 years now..ive recommenced fertility checks..i understand the frustrations and feelings u get when everyone else seem to be popping babies and you havent yet... try an be patient..ive had ups an downs with this and trying to be more positive about it..i recently had bloods that showed high prolactin levels and no physical reasons why and need to do another set of blood to check the levels again... im hoping they naturally resolved itself out...unfortunately my other half is away so unable to dtd during this cycle window so im just taking things one day at a time

@Tk231 hi there how are things?