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Original poster

Find hard to let go of frozen embryos, any advise?

46 replies

Mari0000 · 25/09/2023 13:17

Hi moms, in 2021 we did an embryo transfer with donor egg and now have a beautiful almost 2 year old. I'm 45 and my husband is 56. We are so happy with our little girl. The clinic messaged us because it's time to decide what we want to do with the 3 other embryos that are left in storage. We both think we are too old to have another baby. We are physically perfectly healthy but we are thinking about the future. Yet, it's so hard to let go; the idea that the destruction of my daughter's siblings is in our hands, and what could be if we had another, what she/he would look like. It's taunting me. Of course my husband is much more practical. Any kind advise?

OP posts:
Snoopsnoggysnog · 26/09/2023 19:23

Absolutely the same situation here and similar age to you, except that I have IVF twins, and they are now 13. So I have been paying to store the embryos for all that time, DH thinks it’s madness but I can’t bring myself to part with them for all the reasons others have mentioned. I wish I’d tried to have another baby but it’s too late now and DH didn’t want a third.

openallday · 27/09/2023 13:15

Donating eggs isn't the same as donating an embryo

That's your child's sibling. Full sibling

Donating to research is one thing but to be used by another couple is unthinkable to me

openallday · 27/09/2023 13:19

I have a a frozen embryo and Im not sure what to do but I don't feel i can go through pregnancy, birth or baby stage again

But to donate is not an option

The thought of my baby being born into another family is unthinkable

Like giving your child up for adoption

Worldgonecrazy · 27/09/2023 13:19

I donated to research, or for the embryologists to improve techniques so that one day, it might help another couple in the same sad situation. I was surprised by how emotional I felt after the decision, but I hope it has helped another woman become a mother.

ginandtonicwithlimes · 27/09/2023 13:24

openallday · 27/09/2023 13:19

I have a a frozen embryo and Im not sure what to do but I don't feel i can go through pregnancy, birth or baby stage again

But to donate is not an option

The thought of my baby being born into another family is unthinkable

Like giving your child up for adoption

Nothing like it. I think of my frozen embryo as my frostie but I don't think of it like my living children.

openallday · 27/09/2023 13:34

I don't think of it as a child but it has potential to become one once donated to another couple

nearlywinteragain · 27/09/2023 15:02

If it grew up it would become another child and the full sibling of your dc.
The complications that could cause further down the road could be huge.
For both your dc raised in your home and your dc raised by other parents.

Frodedendron · 27/09/2023 15:16

I'm in the same situation OP. I keep dutifully paying every year even though I'm near certain I'd never go ahead. Apart from anything else I'd be doing it solo now.

People on here who have not been in our situation are very casual about suggesting embryo donation! That's an absolute no for me. To me it would be like having my own child being brought up by another family. Not in a million years.

I was considering donation for research but was actually turned down for that due to history of a genetic condition. Not all embryos can be donated for science.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 27/09/2023 18:32

Agree, I could never donate my embryos to another family although that would be the most altruistic thing someone could do. I do actually think of them as my children’s siblings. All that’s in the way is a successful transfer and 9 months gestation after all. If you started the process today and all went to plan, in theory that embryo would be a baby in your house this time next year.

SequinnedSilly · 27/09/2023 21:31

We donated ours to research. But it was a difficult choice. Whatever you decide, it’s the right call for you.

Hopingforno2in2023 · 27/09/2023 21:55

Would you consider a compassionate transfer op?

saymynamesaymy · 27/09/2023 22:13

We have 7 frozen embryos. Ivf never worked for us, the rounds failed and then the one that worked ended in miscarriage. We then had a baby naturally and another on the way now!
But I still can't get rid !! Paying £30 a month to store them which is quite alot really

openallday · 27/09/2023 22:19

saymynamesaymy · 27/09/2023 22:13

We have 7 frozen embryos. Ivf never worked for us, the rounds failed and then the one that worked ended in miscarriage. We then had a baby naturally and another on the way now!
But I still can't get rid !! Paying £30 a month to store them which is quite alot really

That's amazing x

gogomoto · 27/09/2023 22:21

Consider donating for research, they could help in many ways

wineymummy · 28/09/2023 11:13

I can completely see the argument that donating an embryo to another couple is unthinkable for some, but in this instance, when that embryo was made from a donor egg, then I think that argument is hypocritical. Happy to take an egg from someone else but can't possibly imagine gifting to another? Obviously the father also has a right to veto as the embryo is half his but presumably he was also aware and benefitted from the gift of a donor egg.)
I'd like to add that I know it's not that simple and the emotions involved are incredibly complicated but I think some of the outrage at that suggestion here is a little uncalled for.

newmama311 · 28/09/2023 20:36

If it were me I'd have one more go. As older parents I think it's even more important for children to have a sibling, they have someone else to grow up with should you two no longer be in the picture (as unlikely as this is). Not the only reason for a second but a good reason to add to you clearly wanting another

Popplebop · 28/09/2023 20:51

We were in this situation 15 years ago. Gave them up to be destroyed as at that point we had come to the end of the time we were allowed to store the embryos(different now). It was the hardest decision ever for me and something I very much regret in the big scheme of things. I think those who don't have to make a choice like this are to be envied. It was the end of the line for any further children for us but the right decision (financially) for us as a family. Hard.

Popplebop · 28/09/2023 20:51

And I would never had donated them to given to research.

Cressie2 · 28/09/2023 21:00

The fact you’re on here and doubting it, I think you should try for a sibling for your daughter. If it doesn’t work, fate has decided for you and you won’t think “what if” for your whole life. If it’s a success, it could be amazing. You’re not too old to have a second ❤️

RedPandaFluff · 28/09/2023 21:09

Have you completely ruled out having another go, @Mari0000? I'm 44 and just had our second DD from donor eggs. Dealing with a newborn and young child is tough but I don't think it's any harder now than it would have been ten years ago.

openallday · 29/09/2023 07:13

wineymummy · 28/09/2023 11:13

I can completely see the argument that donating an embryo to another couple is unthinkable for some, but in this instance, when that embryo was made from a donor egg, then I think that argument is hypocritical. Happy to take an egg from someone else but can't possibly imagine gifting to another? Obviously the father also has a right to veto as the embryo is half his but presumably he was also aware and benefitted from the gift of a donor egg.)
I'd like to add that I know it's not that simple and the emotions involved are incredibly complicated but I think some of the outrage at that suggestion here is a little uncalled for.

Surely the egg donor would have to consent too

Far too complicated. I doubt it would happen in reality

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