Feeling deflated…need some positive stories!

[Pheasant28761]

Hi, I’m just really wanting to blow off steam. I realise my feelings are very common and lots of women go through this. We’re about 9 months ttc and out for another month - I just feel like, statistically, it’s not going to happen naturally. And that kills me. I hate that I feel the need to have a child to feel fulfilled. I hate that I’m ruled by hormones and I hate that my focus in life now revolves around every tiny twinge in my abdomen or breasts - who am I?! This isn’t me, except it turns out when you can’t have something you want, you go insane. I miss my old self and my old problems but feel I can’t get out of this rut.

Did anyone here get pregnant after a year ttc naturally? Does anyone else feel like they’re losing who they really are on a fertility journey (and I realise I will likely have a long way to go!) I’m sorry just need a rant! X

My friend did, she was 10 months TTC, about to look at going down the IVF route and went on holiday, relaxed, and conceived naturally! Keep positive X

I TTC for a year naturally and nothing happened. Saw GP, had a few simple tests and was prescribed Clomid (a drug you take just for a few days at the start of your cycle). Fell pregnant on the first cycle of Clomid and my daughter is now 5. All done on the NHS - pretty quick and painless! So basically, even if you do need some help, don’t automatically assume it will be IVF and months of heartache - it could be just some medication or a procedure to unblock tubes or whatever.

But to answer your original question, my best friend fell pregnant with her second after 11 months of trying. Nothing special or different about the month she conceived- it just happened.

The whole process of TTC is really overwhelming and all consuming. We are currently TTC our second (again, with Clomid) and it’s all I think about! So you are definitely not alone. Good luck and keep your chin up - it’ll happen.

I fell pregnant with DD on month 10 of trying. We didn’t do anything special. In fact, we barely had sex because I was fed up of having sex and I was in a bad mood for most of the month that we’d need to start booking doctors appointments.

All the tracking and symptom spotting and early testing and discussion online feeds into this OP, I have been there before. At some point you have to take a step back for your mental health and stop trying to force things, at least for a while until you start to feel like yourself again.

Aw thanks all. I needed to hear this. I’m so glad it worked out for you all. Just low and catastrophising! So it’s good to hear this is perhaps just normal :)

I was trying for 6 months, decided to stop focusing on conceiving and focused on upcoming Xmas. Conceived naturally the next month. I do believe stress can stop conception. Maybe a distraction would help?

@Abitwobbley Yeah I have actually had very little work over the last 2 months (a choice and not to do with stress, just an opportunity to chill) and actually, I think it’s made me worse. I am going back to a new role and a new place in a week and I think I need something to stop me obsessing. Even if it’s not happening, it’ll be good to feel like my old self again. My husband certainly thinks there’s nothing to stress about!

DS2 was conceived just under a year of TTC. It was a pleasant surprise as DS1 kept us waiting a lot longer.

Did anyone here get pregnant after a year ttc naturally?

I fell pregnant naturally 17yrs after starting ttc! Long after we had given up (and been through all the treatments to no avail). Obviously I hope it doesn't take you that long but it's early days (even if it doesn't feel like it) try to stay positive and good luck 🤞

@nokidshere wow that’s incredible, very happy for you. Ha if it took 17 years, I’d be 50!

@Pheasant28761 I was 41 and went on to get pregnant naturally again 2yrs later!

It took 2.5 years to conceive naturally with my ex. Sadly ended in miscarriage but they said that wasn't linked to how long it took. Fingers crossed you get your BFP soon x

2.5 years. Keep trying 🤞🏼

I hate echoing this but we'd been trying close to 18 months. Went on holiday. Had very sleepy afternoon jet lag sex. Got back and made an appointment with the Drs to discuss next steps and found out I was pregnant three days later. DS is now 7.

I relate to this so much, it was an awful feeling. I was completely losing my mind by 4-6 months of trying. Which sounds crazy if you think of it as only 4-6 cycles but actually 6 solid months of thinking about something constantly and feeling terrified that it won't happen is hard going for mental health!!
At 6 months I got pregnant then had a miscarriage. It took me a further 9 months to fall pregnant for the second time (that's including the miscarriage).
I honestly thought the first was a fluke and that there was something seriously wrong with me. Head was completely spinning.
Eventually I reach a point where it was just destroying me and I had to move on. So I accepted a new job, stepped away from all the testing and the TTC chat etc.
lo and behold got pregnant that month and had my first DC.
My second DC came along super easy as I wasn't paying any attention whatsoever really and wasn't even sure I was ready for one!

I bet you it happens naturally and when you least expect it and you can hopefully tell a similar tale yourself one day!

Also I have one friend who took 9 months to get pregnant naturally, no miscarriage, healthy baby.
And another with same outcome that took 13 months.

If you can just somehow find a way to step back from it all. As a minimum at least it will make the wait easier, but could actually help it happen

@Pheasant28761 I could have written this myself tonight. I’m heading into month 7 now and like you, feel like I’ve completely lost myself. I’m living fixated on 2 week periods, noticing every cramp, twinge and pain. I don’t know how to switch off!!

Was supposed to be taking a step back this month so stopped doing OPK’s, deleted my apps and stayed off mumsnet. Everyone seems to suggest this helps but I feel even more frustrated that I’m not pregnant.

I don’t have the answers and don’t know how to stop it taking over my life either, but you aren’t alone. Sending love & just hope that one day we’ll look back on these times in a better place and be at peace, whatever our outcome (although positive thoughts that it will be with our baby in our arms!).

I conceived previously with no issues, first baby totally unplanned on the pill, 2nd 6 cycles, had an ectopic pregnancy where we had sex once between stopping the pill and planning to have a coil. I’m now pregnant again (24wks) and took 19months. Had two months off around 15/16months in due to travelling abroad for a family wedding where for obvious reasons couldn’t be too late on in the pregnancy. We conceived naturally, only difference that cycle was I took Maca root from CD1 until day of ovulation and DH reduced caffeine intake by half. Whether that helped, who knows. I think the Covid vaccines stopped me from ovulating for almost a year so I did stop having those boosters after the first 3 vaccines.
once you get to 12months speak to your GP for bloods and I think some do a sperm analysis. If you’re 35 they will do it after 6months usually.

Your post echos exactly how I'm feeling. We're 10 months but 7 cycles in and I feel so done. I want space in my head to think about something else. I want to not want a baby anymore so I can resume living my life without everything revolving around TTC! I don't have any useful advice but although it can feel like it most of the time, you are not alone!

@Pheasant28761 Try to work on your peace with meditation and relaxation, stress is not your friend at this point!

Positive story... 3 years TTC and was told I would never get pregnant naturally, so I gave up trying, stopped stressing every month, had sex for fun again and although upset I accepted my fate... I got pregnant without clomid or anything pretty much as soon as I stopped trying so hard ❤️...

Hang in there, but really try to make your peace with either eventuality, I know how tough it is, but find peace and your body will function the best it can. Focus on the love for your partner, focus on romance and enjoying each other. Sending you lots of good luck and crossing everything for you 🤞

Hi,
Firstly I had a miscarriage after about 5 months of ttc then took us just under 2 years to conceive again but i had another mc then took us 3 months to conceive our daughter who is 5 now, all naturally x

I'm in the exact same position as you OP, right down to the amount of time trying and I think we are about the same age too. Thanks for starting this thread because honestly I have been really down about this. It doesn't help that everyone around me is pregnant, it seems!

@Wish23 @akk @IsLarryFromSomething
its nice to know I’m not alone having these feelings even if they are negative. I really hope we can get pregnant naturally and we can get back to being our normal selves.

My plan is actually to dive properly back into work, try and get off mumsnet especially during the TWW, and try to keep healthy (but I won’t give up caffeine ha). I actually think next month, my husband is away around my ovulation which I think is a good thing so I can forget about this for a bit.

I’m not sure if it’ll work but like people are saying, if at the very least I can keep busy, it makes the waiting easier at the least.