Going into cycle 10 TTC first aged 38, feeling demoralised

[Dreaminginpink]

As the title says, we are about to go into cycle 10 of TTC! Never thought it would take this long and I'm at the point now where I feel like I'm soon going to have to accept that it just isn't going to happen 😔 I'm 38 so time really isn't on our side and I'm getting really demoralised now ☹️

We've had the basic tests done and all have come back fine (progesterone 42, LH 5.3, Fsh 7.6, semen analysis fine), the only one that was amiss was prolactin so I'm going back for a retest for that in a weeks time although I'm not convinced that will be causing an issue as I have a regular cycle and know I'm ovulating. My cycle is on the short side, currently averaging 25 days and i usually ovulate around day 11 so I'm wondering if maybe my eggs aren't mature enough or aren't good enough quality due to my age? Other potential issues are some very light spotting a few days before period is due and my periods have become lighter recently too.

Just wondering if anyone else is in the same position or has been in this position and has gone on to conceive? Starting to feel like giving up as with every month that goes by I know the chances get less and less and once it gets to the 12 month mark I know there's then only around a 50% chance of conceiving naturally 😔 also panicking because of my age! Has anyone got any advice or can relate? 🤞

Have you looked at anything like It Starts with the Egg and looked at lifestyle factors to get you BOTH into optimal condition to conceive? Are you taking supplements including vitamin D?

@Whataretheodds I've been taking a general women's multivit and my OH has been taking a mens fertility supplement (not every day though). Are there any particular supplements you'd recommend? I haven't read it starts with the egg so will look into that. I guess I'm a bit skeptical as to whether supplements would actually change anything but I guess it's worth a shot at this stage! I have been deficient in both vitamin D and iron (ferritin) in the past so maybe I need to up how much of those I'm taking too!

Definitely worth looking into that - it sounds as if you're getting GP support: good. If you've not already had a full blood count then do get that. The levels of vitamin D required to conceive are higher than normally required for health.

I would take extra vitamin D (both of you) as we go into winter.

What about alcohol? Smoking? Exercise? Stress? Sleep?

I didn't try acupuncture but I've heard other women swear by it.

Ooh and folic acid

Also - don't panic.

What has the doc said is the next stage given you've been trying for > 6 months?

@Dreaminginpink Hiya - so sorry to hear you're struggling. Slightly different situation here as I'm 37 but have had two losses this year. I've started taking 100mg COQ10 supplement which is meant to be great for egg health. Obvs folic acid and also vit D recommended. Sounds like you have a decent luteal phase and great that tests look good. It really may just be one of those things that it's taking some time... are you confident that you're managing to dtd lots at ovulation time? Worth trying SMEP?

@Whataretheodds the GP hasn't really given me any info about next steps, he just sort of said it could take up to a year but I think at my age he should probably be referring me to a fertility specialist by now so I'm going to make an appointment next week I think.

Didn't know that about vitamin D, I'll definitely have to add that in as a separate supplement I think. Don't really drink, don't smoke, I'm a good weight but I am quite a stressed person a lot of the time and my sleep patterns aren't good so I think I definitely need to make improvements there! Do you think that would make much of a difference?

@SnookyPook Sorry about your losses :( I've heard a lot about coq10 so think I might give that a try too, is there a specific one you've been trying? I'm not sure what strength to go for? Yes to DTD around ovulation, every month we've caught the window at least twice according to fertility friend, not sure if we need to go earlier and later though as well to make sure just in case I don't ovulate when I think I do but I'm quite confident I've got my dates right! Just so frustrating and starting to really worry now! I felt quite positive when we got our results back but now I'm feeling really down about it all. Have you had any tests done or won't they do them with you having conceived?

Women conceive who are stressed but stress causes inflammation in the body which won't help.

Definitely press your GP, and start taking a preconception- specific supplement(s)

@Dreaminginpink thank you. Unfortunately they don't really look into it until you've had 3 losses.. which obviously I'm hoping doesn't happen!! I am very fortunate that I do have a little boy already. He's 2 1/2 and thankfully my journey with him was quite uneventful (especially grateful for that as he was a lockdown baby).

COQ10 - I've just gone with the 100mg ones from Holland and Barrett. Higher dose recommended for fertility.

If you are only assessing fertile window through an app I would highly recommend having a go at using opks (ovulation predictor kit) - I just buy cheap OneStep ones off Amazon. Even if you are only out by a day or two with your timing you might be really reducing your chances of hitting optimal days. With my son, we'd been trying 8 months without luck but I conceived on cycle 4 of using opks to time DTD. This year, although they've both ended in loss, I've conceived on cycle 3 and cycle 4 and I'm sure timing with opks has helped. My ovulation day does vary a little from month to month even with regular periods. Could be worth a shot!

Hi there, sorry you’re struggling with this.
I read the ‘It starts with the egg’ book after nearly 2 years of trying.
(At the one year mark I went to GP and I had blood tests, scans and a hycosy to check if tubes are blocked. Partner had semen analysis and blood tests. I am slightly younger and still trying naturally).
The good thing about the book is that it gave me hope going forward as it explains the egg matures before release and is something we can help influence by taking the correct supplements or changing diet.
See the website for recommended UK supplements. This way I feel confident that I have tried everything that has some kind of evidence before deciding on the next steps.
It talks about very important issues which doctors don’t look at! So optimal vitamin D and testosterone levels in women for conception. These were both way too low in my blood tests which NHS deems normal but they are not optimal for ttc. Other important things for some women are thyroid function, PCOS etc.
I will update if anything happens after trying this plan for 3 months but I would do it anyway to ensure that your eggs and body are healthy even if you go for IVF or try naturally. Good luck 🤞

@SnookyPook NICE guidelines have changed and you can get some blood tests (and mental health support) after 2 losses now.

@Whataretheodds ooh thank you. Not convinced my GP is up to date with changes... worth knowing!

I know how hard the monthly disappointment feels but you are still in your 30s and your tests have come back ok so big positives. It's probably just a case of time but as others have said, channel your energy away from despair to doing everything you can to optimise your chances every month. I'm sure you're timing things right anyway but make sure you're not being too precise and only having sex in what you believe is your fertile window. A general multivitamin is not optimised for fertility - try proceive supplements or Zita West. I would also definitely invest in COQ10 but as ubiquinol as this form absorbs much better and is therefore more effective. Diet is important too and It Starts with the Egg has lots of useful advice. The final one that I think was critical for me is lots of meditation and guided fertility visualisations - not now and then but consistently every night before you go to sleep. There's plenty on YouTube etc - find one that resonates with you. Good luck - sometimes things happen at the perfect time they are meant to even though the journey can be frustrating and confusing.

Just thought I would comment on my old thread to give anyone else in the same position as I was in some hope! I finally conceived in month 15 and now have a healthy baby boy who is 6 months old tomorrow 😊 I didn't do anything different on the month I conceived - the only thing that had happened was I had been in for a procedure to remove a polyp from my womb - the procedure was abandoned as it caused too much pain when they were trying to get through my cervix. Maybe that opened something up, who knows! The polyp was never removed as I got pregnant that month! So, don't give up hope, even when you reach the scary 12 month mark. That was my first positive test as well!

That gives me hope
almost 40 and ttc almost 2 years now