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Conception

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Original poster

How to ask partner to try for a second baby?

19 replies

mammy2018 · 15/09/2023 14:35

Me and my partner have a 5 year old. I've started feeling the broodiness. He's never expressed wanting anymore and whenever I've spoke about it he just says it's a big decision. He's a lovely dad to our child, very hands on and a good role model.
We were young when we had our first and I'm nearly 24 and he is turning 27 soon.
Financially we are doing well he has a good job and I also work part time. We have very helpful family that provide childcare for when I work if needed.
We have a strong relationship and I'd say we are happy together it feels like we are a good team and i love him very much.
Health wise we are both fit and healthy, my first pregnancy was fine just obviously very tired at the end (normal).
I just don't know how to approach the topic with him, obviously I need his sperm to conceive 🤣 but whenever I bring it up he doesn't seem to think I'm serious.
I just don't want to go another Christmas watching call the midwife wondering when I'm going to experience that feeling of excitement and love again.
I'm not currently on any contraception and I haven't since having our first as I didn't like the hormonal issues with the pill or implant I was an emotional wreck so we currently use condoms so it's not as easy to have an accident as he's very careful. My periods are like clockwise with a 29 day cycle.

OP posts:

Original poster

mammy2018 · 15/09/2023 14:36

I meant clockwork! Not clockwise lol

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/09/2023 14:41

Was your child planned? I find it hard to believe you already have a child, regularly have sex with each other and you can’t easily have a conversation about something like this.

“DP, I want to have another baby, ideally within a year, what do you say?”

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/09/2023 14:41

it's not as easy to have an accident as he's very careful

is this a joke?

Original poster

mammy2018 · 15/09/2023 14:43

Yes obviously I wouldn't trick him. Should of made that clearer.

OP posts:

Parker231 · 15/09/2023 14:43

If you don’t know how to discuss it, you’re not ready for a baby.

Original poster

mammy2018 · 15/09/2023 14:45

No our first wasn't planned. I didn't come here for judgement just wanted some advice on how other woman approached there partners without it being so formal

OP posts:

jays · 15/09/2023 14:51

you need to sit down and ask him if he’d like to actively try for another baby. You say your relationship is good, you should be able to discuss this. What I will say is that I’m genuinely horrified you even think it’s in any way acceptable to try and trick someone. That’s truly disgraceful. I don’t want to leave it there on a harsh note but you really need to think about where your head is at if you honestly think under any circumstances that it would be ok to do that to someone. Talk to him. You didn’t come here for judgement but honestly, I’d you’re even thinking it’s thing to trick someone into become a father, I don’t understand why your own conscious isn’t judging you. That’s a terrible thing to think would be ok if you could just ‘pull it off’ so to speak! Oh course you’ll be judged for being ok with that. Please don’t do that to him. Imagine someone done that to you, or to your child in the future.

Pizzanight · 15/09/2023 14:55

To be honest, I just say it. We have very open lines of discussion. If he thinks you're joking say no I'm serious. If he's not ready accept it. Possibly discuss a timeline of when you will discuss again. I will say after having my first at your age and second in my thirties, I thought I was ready in my twenties but I absolutely wasn't. Parenthood in my thirties has been completely different. If he's not ready yet, get yourself in the best financial position, improve your career, work towards buying your forever home ect.

fruitbrewhaha · 15/09/2023 14:56

Eh? Do you not live together, parent together, have sex, converse about life, plan together etc? Why are you incapable of raising the subject with him letting know how you feel? How have you managed 6 years of relationship without having serious and meaningful discussions. It’s a bit weird OP.

If he avoids the conversation, or tries to make a joke you do not have a good relationship, it’s juvenile.

DuploTrain · 15/09/2023 14:57

I want to have another baby… what do you think? Shall we start trying at the weekend? 😁

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/09/2023 14:58

What do you mean by formal? My suggested phrasing wasn’t formal, it was a statement and a question. How do you ask for other things you want?

PinkRoses1245 · 15/09/2023 14:59

fruitbrewhaha · 15/09/2023 14:56

If he avoids the conversation, or tries to make a joke you do not have a good relationship, it’s juvenile.

my exact thoughts. Just say to him that you would like to seriously consider trying for another baby, you seem to be really overthinking it.

jays · 15/09/2023 15:00

Pizzanight · 15/09/2023 14:55

This is brilliant advice. I’d take it.

Seryse · 15/09/2023 15:01

Just ask? Honestly I'd just ask once the wee one is in bed and you have the time and privacy to have the discussion. Worst he can say is he doesn't want anymore and then you have a decision to make... is it the possibility of that that's making you put off asking maybe?

Patty101 · 15/09/2023 15:06

Just ask him, 'when are you going to get me pregnant then?'

Worked for me 😁

fruitbrewhaha · 15/09/2023 15:07

To be fair OP, he is probably not massively keen on the idea, hence brushing you off, so you will need to advocate for yourself. Why is now the time and not later? Perhaps talk to him about getting the baby years done so you’re not going back to it in your 30s, maybe you’d like to have a baby now and in a few years you’ll be freer to work on your career.

Jadeypie · 16/09/2023 07:53

Me and my partner was very against having another after our first.(we are in our 30s) then two years later I wanted another one dp not keen at all. We just discussed why he didn't and why I did and then few months down the line he decided he was ready too. I think it just takes longer for some men to feel ready then women. As you say you are both in a loving relationship and sounds like life's in a good place maybe he's just scared for the change. I would just say all the stuff you have said in your post to him and just see what he says. If he's not ready use are both still young so plenty of time to change minds. Also I get that you didn't mean you wanted to trick him haha I don't understand why some people are being so uptight. Anyway I hope your conversation goes well fingers crossed you'll be stalking the tww threads sooner than later haha xx

Hopefulhusband · 07/11/2023 16:37

Me and my wife have been married for 16 years we had our son he's 13 years old but I would like to have a second baby I missed out on all the hospital visits because of how much money we had at the time we discussed having three kids my wife when depression when we had our son I didn't know anything about it till just last week I just found out 3 years ago that she has PCOS she doesn't want to go to the doctor or anything I understand what she went through because I'm going through it now we are in marriage counseling and she told me to stop talking about wanting a second child I just need some advice on how to deal with the situation that I'm in anything would be appreciated

JustCollateralDamage · 17/11/2023 03:45

You've tried joking about it. I think you need to raise it in a serious way and set the tone for the conversation. "Can I talk seriously about something for a moment?" "I've been wanting to talk about something important... is now a good time?"

Some conversation startups that will really communicate to him that you want his honest, careful opinion should make it less likely for him to brush you off.

At the same time, I agree with the other posters... Is your relationship in a good place at the moment? Obviously he loves your child but does your husband enjoy being a father? Having a child before he was planning to might have really lead him to feel out of control of his own life and your DC being 5 years old may be signaling a return to feeling control of his own life. There may be some growing to do and some bucket list items for him (and you) to check off before he'll feel ready. Given your first was an accident I find your joke a bit off-color. I really hope that your first accident was truly an accident... if not, this might explain why he is so reluctant to plan another child with you at this point.

The good news is that you really do have a lot of time on your fertility clock as his own feelings might require you to compromise on your timing.

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